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Wednesday, June 14, 2017


© June 1, 2017

…but I sat there and waited it out, he left and I moved on with my day.  There’s no home safe enough, no relationship secure enough, no person sane enough, no situation perfect enough to escape change…and I should know as I have fought it every step of the way since the day I was blessed into this world.  We are our own worst enemy when it comes to fears and “what-if’s.”  Those of us with huge imaginations go one step further because if we run out of things to fear, we just make up stuff, and not even on purpose…lol…sad, but true.

What if a lion did jump in front of your car…what would you do?  If you think about it, there is no other choice but for it to work out.  If you stay in your car, it would realize it couldn’t get to you even if it wanted to and move on down the road, if it were even curious about you in the first place…you would then go on with your journey and that situation would have worked out just fine.  Worse case scenario, you end up sitting there for a long time, but you live and you move on.  We all let fear rule our lives and yet, if we realized at the time it is happening that there is no such thing as fear we would eliminate so much stress from our lives.  Every situation will work out…it has no other choice.  It may not always work out the way you want it to, but it will work out.  More often than not the fear of a situation is in the “what if…” and in these instances it helps to remember there is no “what if,” there is only…what is.

If you break it down slowly, as it happens, and cope with each part of it, the situation at hand will seem less fearful.  First deal with the why…ask why you are afraid in that moment?  Are you projecting into the future?  Are you basing fear on something that may happen simply because it has in the past or even because your mind tells you there is no other way?  How could you know?  If you are not a person who has the gift of E.S.P, then how could you possibly know the future? Answer these questions and you relieve the fear.  Practice this in every fear-based situation, and eventually you abolish irrational fear from your life.  Fight-or-flight (fear in dangerous and real situations) is a necessary thing for survival, but irrational fear is not.  It hinders way more than it could ever help. 

The key to success when making changes in your life is this…never let anyone force you into doing anything you don’t want to do at that time.  It takes time to eliminate fear…it takes time to effectuate change in any way, but it absolutely, positively must be done at your own pace…no one else’s.  It will work out…every time…have faith in yourself, you’re worth it.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, May 21, 2017


May 21, 2017 - Kimberly D Miller

One of the toughest questions to answer on this planet and in this realm, at least for a lot of us, is..."Who am I?"  At birth we are the purest form of who we are, but then, as we grow and change, we become a product of our upbringing and our environments which can oft times be detrimental as it deters us from being who we are truly meant to be.  We end up making decisions based on who we think we are at the time, but if we are not being true to ourselves, we end up in situations that will cause us to be very unhappy at the core of our being due to those decisions not being right for whom we are truly meant to be.

At this point you may have a burning desire to pose the question, “Ok, then how do I find out who I really am?”  To that I answer, “Very carefully.”  You have to let it come to you…you have to listen and feel…then you have to trust those feelings and respond accordingly.  You know how sometimes you just know things…you don’t know how or why you know them, you just know them?  This is when you trust…this is when you heed your gut feeling and either move forward or veer from the path you are considering.  Some call this a leap of faith, but if you trust in what you are feeling, you aren’t leaping at all…just having faith.  Trust is a tough issue, but when you have trusted your gut for a long period of time and learned so many valuable lessons in doing so, it will become second nature for you to do so.  You will then increase the amount of times you listen and act on your gut feelings and your life will increase in positivity and happiness exponentially. 

Honesty is the other main ingredient.  Not only do you need to be gut-wrenchingly honest with others, you need to do the same with yourself.  Stop living your life to please other people because if you live against the grain of all things that make you truly happy, then you will find yourself at the end of your life with so many regrets.  People either accept you for who you are, or they don’t…it’s that simple.  Believe me, if they don’t, you are much better off without them in your life because they will only bring negativity and toxicity and at some point, you will start to believe them.  Search yourself long and hard before making decisions based on what other people have “advised” or passed judgment on.  You live your life for you, not for others.  Be honest with yourself about your strengths and your likes, and find things you love to do…places you love to be…and people who only add happiness, positivity and joy to your life and honor those feelings and choices as they are a part of the real you.

There is no more comfortable a skin to live in, than in the person you are truly meant to be.  Honesty, trust and faith are your stepping stones on the path to that reveal and in time, you will walk around a corner and find who you are meant to be standing right in front of you…it’s an amazing discovery and never a truer simpatico relationship exists. 

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Thursday, April 20, 2017


 Do you ever feel like you’re the same inside?  Like no matter how hard you try to change and move just can’t?  That you keep making the same mistakes over and over even though your deepest desire is to get it right?  I call this…stuck in time (aka stuck in a moment).

Devastating moments, traumas and just plain horrible events occur in all of our lives, and if we don’t make peace with them and see them for what they are…lessons…then our psyches refuse to move on.  Our bodies and souls move forward, but not freely and not without great effort.  Your head, and therefore your heart, will become “stuck” in the moments you can’t forgive and you tend to remain that age until you can forgive.  Using myself as an example…I was raped at age 21 and for the next, approximate, 20 years that followed, I remained a hurt, angry and vindictive 21-year-old girl.  Everything I tried in life, failed…or so it seemed.  I was depressed and trusted no one, and therefore made one wrong decision on top of another, sabotaging every good thing that tried to make its way into my self-deprecating life.  Years later I learned how to finally deal with this event and knew that I could only ever move on if I were to forgive myself…that’s right…me, not him.  He will never be forgiven, but I needed to quit giving him and that event any more time and attention and focus on the real problem…my perception.  When I forgave myself for all of the illusive perceptions and self-blame…I could move on with my life and finally put it all behind me, even though I had created the illusion that I already had.  The forgiveness made it real.

What happens to you is only one percent of your life…how you perceive it and how you react to it and handle it, is the other 99 percent.  If you find yourself repeating the same self-deprecating behavior over and over and realize that you are stuck in time, search your soul and find the thing or things that hurt you, put your finger on it/them and address them head on until you can forgive yourself.  Journal, meditate, therapize, whatever works best for you, but make the end result complete and total forgiveness of self.  Love yourself that much and honor your life by living your dreams to their fullest…do that and all good things fall into place with ease.  Be happy…it’s extremely possible.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Friday, April 14, 2017



Truer words have never been spoken… “You get what you settle for”…period.  What we allow ourselves to have is what we have, and what we allow ourselves to be, is who we are.  This is another aspect in keeping with the theme of my last post.

Abundance is everywhere…it is the way of the world, but most of us are taught that life is hard and unforgiving and we have to scrimp and save and work for the things we want. Eventually our thoughts are very limiting and we become conditioned to believe that we will never have very much and that we aren’t really worth it. 

Everything we are and everything we have is energy based.  Energy attracts energy and is drawn to all other energy and, therefore abundance in all forms is all around us…we merely have to ask and it will manifest.  I have never seen more proof of this than I have lately.  I ask for things to happen…and they do.  I need something and, without any money involved, it comes to me.  The difference between then and now?  I believe…I believe I can have abundance…I believe I can and will have anything and everything I need.

Settling is a byproduct of fear and/or a lack of self-confidence and self-love.  It says to the universe, “I can’t do any better,” or “I’m tired of trying and this is all I can do,” and the universe answers back, “Okay, if you say so.”  The universe isn’t going to grant you anything you don’t ask for and believe without a doubt that you can have.  Everything will happen in its own time for the plan that is laid out for your life, and everything will always work out, but be careful of what you think about and wish for because you will attract to you even the things you do not want by giving them attention and energy.  Remain positive in your thoughts and your wants and desires and you can have all of these things and more.

Take stock of your life…look around and ask yourself if anything in your life is the way it is because you settled.  If the answer is yes, ask yourself what you are going to do about it.  Did you settle for a relationship?  If not, do you stay in one because you don’t believe you can have the person you truly desire?  Do you have the home you want, the career, the experiences you want?  Do you ultimately live the way that makes every fiber of your being deeply happy and satisfied?  If not, ask for the things you really want in your life, for the people and the situations and I guarantee that they will come to you.

My wish for you is that you have all you ever ask for.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, April 9, 2017


If people were honest…I mean gut-wrenchinly honest with themselves, and they fully exercised this honesty/integrity when making decisions that affect the rest of their lives, the world would certainly be a much more positive place to live because it would consist of a greater percentage of truly happy people.  Unfortunately that is not the case.

I believe people who feel mean and frustrated and angry all the time, made life choices that were not true to what they really, really wanted at the time of the decision and ultimately, what they wanted out of life.  Sometimes they made decisions “for the good of everyone involved,” but it did not suit them well.  Sometimes they made decisions to please a spouse or partner,” but it did not serve them well.  Sometimes they made decisions “for the good of the child/children,” but that did not bring happiness to them.  Sometimes they made decisions because they “didn’t want to hurt the other person/people involved,” and that went south as well.  Even though a lot of the decisions we make affect others, ultimately, if they are not conducive to happiness within our hearts and souls, somewhere down the line they turn to dis-ease (hence the term “disease). 

There is a lot to be said for spontaneity, however who we are and what we actually want in and from life, requires not only thought and feeling, but honesty toward both.  Our thought process is influenced by how we feel at the time of the decision…what we see, what we hear and what we desire.  All of these factors weigh in on our ultimate choice, and that is as it should be, however, that being said…I now ask myself, “What would Mr. Spock do?”  Having been a child of the original Star Trek generation, I often envied Mr. Spock’s ability to find the logic in every situation.  True he sometimes missed out on love and lots of fun and frivolous things we humans enjoy, but in the end, Mr. Spock had a pretty great life, just being logical.  Do I think everyone should go through life relying on nothing but logic?  Absolutely not, but I do think that if we honored our deep wants and needs with honesty and profound integrity, and exercised logic in our decision-making, we would make decisions that granted us true happiness.  Examples that come to mind are a parents’ decision to stay together “for the good of the children.”  Yeah, I’m here to tell you that the fighting and tension between parents is not good for the children.  Both parties lead very unhappy lives for a very long time.  Another example might be wanting to be with someone because you know in your heart and soul it would make you happy beyond belief and that there is no question that this is the right person for you…that this person completes you, and then you stay in the situation you are in so you don’t “hurt” everyone else involved and you never know how amazingly happy and fulfilling life could have been.  Then there is fear, my least favorite “F” word.  At the base of both of the above examples lies fear.  In the first example it would be fear of losing time with the kids, fear of losing a relationship you thought was supposed to last, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being loved by any and all of the people involved and fear of loss.  In the second relationship, fear of hurting the people in your life (but if they were truly good for you in the first place they would understand), fear of not being liked by them anymore, fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown and ultimately a lack of faith in all things good and all things positive. 

When you find yourself approaching the end of your life, if you have regrets by all of the chances you didn’t take, the paths you didn’t follow, the people you passed by for things you didn’t actually want, wouldn’t you feel anger and regret and frustration?  The people you want to be with should be the people you are with.  The career you want to pursue, should be the career you are currently pursuing and the goals you have for your future, should be what you are setting your sights on.  Of course there are going to be people who will have to leave our lives as we make these changes because, let’s face it, getting to where we are in this moment in time involved bringing people into our lives based on decisions that weren’t made with honesty, but if any of these people, be it friends or family, are true to you and your relationship with them, won’t they ultimately want what is best for you?  Won’t they willingly move aside for your happiness?  If the answer to that question is no, then, for me at least, that would bring up an entire barrage of questions about what I was doing with this person and why I was in this situation and, whenever I have done this in the past, very large changes have occurred, each and every one of them for the better.  Coming out of the closet was a huge fear for me, but when I finally met it with honesty and trusted that everyone in my life would understand and would let me be me, they did on both counts.  Those that didn’t are not longer in my life and that is as it should be. 

The people I know who have happy family lives and happy careers are the people who honored what they wanted.  They fought for the love of their lives and they knew early on what career would make them happy and they fought for that.  They fought for a life they wanted and when you do that, you will win.

You only get this one chance so why screw it up with fear?  Be the person you want to be and have the life you WANT to have before it’s too late.  Weigh your decisions based on your ultimate happiness, with honesty, and above-all, with courage…after all, what would Mr. Spock do?

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

SOULEMETRY... odd, yet accurately, amazing word.  What is Soulemetry?  Urban describes it as follows:
"Soulemetry is when fate brings two completely diverse people together (straight or gay) and they throw out all they know about love and they fall in love with each other."  I first encountered this concept in my favorite, straight-woman-turns-lesbian movie entitled, "Elena Undone."  I was also fortunate enough to meet and have a brief love affair with my split-apart for a time... a beautiful and amazingly blessed time.  This movie was my life...with her.  I love her to this day and I wish we could be with one another, but alas it must not have been meant to be...but I digress.

How amazing would it be to stumble upon the one person in this life or any other, who completes you...right here and right now? Who understands and accepts every aspect of who you are?Indescribable.  Soulemetry is the realization that the person you WANT to be with is the person you MUST be with...the person who speaks to you through a level deeper than verbal communication...deeper than emotional and/or telepathic communication.  This is the person who gets you...from the very soul of who you are....and the one you can be with like no other...not on a level that constitutes the perfect and utter truth in your life.  

While we cannot always be with our split-aparts in this lifetime, whether we find them or not...we can find love for the moment...this moment in time.  The hard part, when you meet your other half, is living without her/him because everything will pale in comparison...I hope you are brave enough in this one lifetime to be honest with yourself and be with the one you share soulemetry with...I promise you you will never find it with another and everyone else will pale in comparison.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Friday, March 10, 2017


People often say to me, "Kimberly, you have never met a stranger" and, I have to say, they are right. We come into this world alone (with the exception of those present at the birth of course) and we leave this world alone.  However, if we are lucky and we make the right choices, we don't have to be alone through the journey, from start to finish. 

Have you ever heard the expression, "You can pick your friends, but you're stuck with your family?"  To that I say...phooey.  I believe you can create your family as well.  I consider some of my closest friends to be my family and in this sense, I get to choose my family.  The one thing that all human beings have in common, is that we are here.  We are all on this journey at the same time and we can choose to know each other, or not.  Being creatures of free will, that decision is a very personal choice.

For me, I find my journey is heightened by the people I meet, whether or not I choose them to be involved in my life on a large scale, or just a fleeting moment.  I believe that every stranger is a potential friend

I have also discovered that if you are one of those people who tend to "judge a book by its cover," you are going to miss out on knowing some rather fine individuals.  Whether meeting people in person, or over the internet, each meeting is a chance to make a new friend, for however long it lasts, and for whatever reason they are meant to play a role, vital or small, in your life.

I love to people-watch wherever I am and I notice that most people tend to walk around in their own little worlds with walls all around them, barely taking the time to look up, meet a stranger's eyes and offer a smile, let alone accept a smile being offered by someone else.  We're all so afraid of something.  It's as though trust has fast become one of those words no longer recognized in the dictionary.  It's understandable, considering all of the trauma our country has gone through as a whole and individually in each city and state, but don't let it take the wind out of your sails.  Each time your eyes meet those of a stranger, you could be looking into the eyes of your new best friend, your soul mate, your future husband, wife or partner or even those of someone who will profoundly touch your life in the blink of an eye. 

So remember the next time you are out in public, to look around you and notice each person.  Offer them a smile and look into their eyes.  Every stranger is a potential friend...don't miss out on a potentially, amazing opportunity.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Saturday, February 18, 2017


(c) Kimberly Kreations - 02-2017
(c) Kimberly Kreations - 02-2017
If you live a life in which you are predominantly asleep ninety-nine percent of the time (work, home, t.v.), and you feel that nothing good ever happens to you, then it's time to break out of prison...the prison you have made for yourself, whether you knew it was happening or not.  You get this one shot at living your life...why wouldn't you live it to its fullest?  Granted some or most of your self-imprisonment could have been instilled in you during your "formative" years by the people in your life at that time, however how you choose to live now just might be the lock that binds your shackles.

If you have never read or watched The Secret, then you owe it to yourself to do so.  I have spoken about it in past posts, but I cannot stress enough what a great tool it is to help you take that first, all important step to making your life a positive, healthy and prosperous one.

One of my favorite sayings, and I think I love it because I am working so diligently toward it myself, is "Never let your fear decide your fate."  Those of you who know me know that this particular, four-letter, "F" word (fear), is one of the most powerful, potent and damaging words in the English language.  It keeps us from doing so many of the things we want to do.  When we embrace it, generally subconsciously, it keeps us from living life, at keeps us limited and small when we are otherwise meant to be living large, with abundance.  Embrace it and live a life of imprisonment.  As I have said in the past, turning your entire life around can seem a daunting and difficult process, however you CAN do it because you have the power.   Lately I have encountered this topic with others quite frequently, so I thought I would lay out the steps that work for me with the hope that they will help others as well.

STEP 1.  Monitor your thoughts...those which are not positive or self-serving, after a time, will set off an alarm, but to begin with try to write down a thought every time you catch yourself with a negative or damaging thought.

STEP 2.  Know your damage...How do you know if a thought is negative or self-sabotaging?  Sit down and make a list, which helps you to first understand what you are looking for.  We have so many things racing through our brains that we literally need to be monitoring heavily in the beginning in order to put markers on those that hurt us.  Ask yourself if this thought went straight to the negative side of the coin or the positive and how to can turn it around.

STEP 3. Know that thoughts are things...and because of this, and because we are made up entirely of energy (which houses our soul in this realm), what you think about, you bring about.  Do you ever wonder why it is that when you think about a person you haven't heard from or spoken to in a long time that they will contact you in some way or someone else may bring them up in conversation?  It is because you were thinking about them....or why, when your morning starts out a little rough (spilled cereal in your lap, dropped a banana on the floor after you peeled it and broke the heel on your shoe as you were leaving for work), the rest of the day seems to follow?  It's because you took that negative energy and already decided that the rest of your day was going to go just like it will.  What about during an election when the popular person, who has most of the votes and who you know is going to win, will lose to their opponent simply because the oponent is so negative and controversial that everyone's energy was focused upon him/her and their bad behavior.

STEP 4.  Know what you want...This was my toughest one, personally.  I know what I don't want but by thinking those thoughts I bring about the very thing I don't want.  If you are thinking things like, "I don't want to get fat," or "I don't want to have a heart attack," or "I don't want to take this job," then you are increasing the odds that you are going to get fat, have a heart attack, and take that job.  Why?  Because you said or thought the words fat, heart attack and job.  You gave them energy and power they needed to manifest by thinking about them and saying them. Say and think about what you want, i.e. I want to be thin or I want my weight proportionate to my height...I am heart healthy, I have a healthy body...I want money and I want financial freedom.  Is this any easy process to begin?  For some yes, but for most...not even (it wasn't for me either).  It takes time to reconstruct thought patterns that are so automatic, but it can always be done and it is up to you to decide if you find it worth it or not.  I have seen the proof of what positive living can do in my life and I have just barely scratched the surface as I am still working these steps myself.

STEP 5.  Stop complaining...Complaining, whether you do it out loud or just in your head, it draws all of that negativity right into your lap.  If you find yourself in a situation where you would normally say that you don't like something, try stating only the things you do like and go around the outside of the negative thought.  An example might be having drinks with friends after work and a person you don't care for at all (let's call her Cassie) will be there and you find yourself filled with dread.  One way to combat this is to not go, obviously, but that limits you and keeps you from seeing your other friends who you are excited to see, so find the good.  Find the good qualities in Cassie and make those the things you tell yourself, like Cassie might have had a hard life and she doesn't know how to be around people because of it, or that Cassie sometimes she buys the rounds of drinks so she must have a bit of a giving soul.  If you don't know Cassie very well you can make up a positive back story about her and in this way enjoy the evening with the whole group.  There is always a positive way.

One thing that ties all of these things together, is an attitude of gratitude.  BE THANKFUL for all of the amazing and great things in your life...for a healthy body, for the money that comes into your life, for the people you love and those who love you.  Things won't manifest well for you if you are not grateful first for who you are and what you have.  Break out of your life...your way.

(c)Kimberly Kreations 2017 - My trip to the beach this morning

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, February 12, 2017


(This is the first acrylic painting I have ever done...I love old and dilapidated buildings, especially barns, so I had to make one the subject of my first painting)


I am a firm believer that within every dwelling people have ever lived or worked or inhabited in any manner whatsoever, they leave behind a little bit of their energy and ultimately a piece of their soul, just by having been inside for whatever reason and for however long.

I have always been intrigued by buildings, the older the better...dilapidated, falling apart and ultimately...haunted, which fascinates the photographer in least one third of all of my work is of dilapidated buildings of one kind or another. I almost feel that I can uncover some of the stories of the things that happened inside. If I have the chance to go inside of one of these places, I will spend hours combing over the marks on the walls, sensing the energies and creating vivid images of who had been there and what had transpired over the years...some of it amazing and some of it...not so amazing.

I love the term haunted. Typically people use it to describe a “ghost” or aparition(s) having been left behind when they died to forever dwell and taunt those who enter. I believe that part of that is true, but moreso I believe that whatever we do, whoever we interact with and wherever we are, we leave a small part of our souls and energy, whether positive or negative at that particular time, in that spot, with that person and in that moment in time. This energy that is left behind in time is what I feel gives a dwelling a soul or an energy of its that you can feel when you enter through it's doors. Whatever happened there through its years, all the positive and negative combined, will reveal its soul to you.

One of my favorite things to research are old and abandoned mental hospitals, and not because I think they were places that many, if any positive things were achieved, but because of how society used to allow (maybe they still do) sadistic assholes to run places like this and torture human beings. I think it's my morbid curiosity. It's as though these places emerged up through the ground straight from hell and masqueraded as legitimate “rest homes” and “mental hospitals”. Most people typically use the term hospital to define a place to acquire help from caring individuals who take care of you and heal you during your time of need. Now I'm sure there are those mental institutions who did/do just that, but let's face it, most of them, especially long ago, were institutions to be feared.

Entering buildings with haunted souls will instantly send a chill up your spine. Everyone who enters can sense the energies that were left inside. For example, when you are looking for a place to live you have to “try on” several abodes before choosing the one that is right for you, but part of that decision-making process is what you feel when you enter, hence the phrase, “This place has good energy.” That doesn't necessarily mean that that will be the case for all who means that it has an energy that is conducive to resonating on a level that pleases your particular soul.

I think life is like this. As people we absorb energies from the people in our lives and the places we go...those energies then become a part of us in some way and help to shape and mold us into who we are. Sometimes you meet people who seem distant and though they have a huge secret to protect. I feel that these are the people who possess haunted though there is a part of them that will never be revealed, even to themselves. Letting go of the past, letting it remain back there where it belongs, forgiving yourself and those involved, is the only way to ever find peace...yet for some, a very difficult process. People often think that forgiving someone means their actions were okay, but that is far from the truth...foregiveness means just understand that this person is human, that they made a mistake, that they are sorry and have learned from it as have you, but most means freedom for you...for you to let go of all ties to past hurts and release your haunted soul. It can be a difficult thing to learn (it has been and still is for me at times), but so liberating and healthy. When I began to teach myself how to forgive, I sat down and made a list of all the people I felt I needed my forgiveness, and why. Thank God it was a small list, but I was astonished by how many of them were from such a long time ago in my life. I then, using a form of quiet meditation, consciously forgave them and let it be okay...telling myself that whatever hurt I felt in the situation was because of my own choices and the fact that I allowed myself to feel hurt in the first place. This has helped me immensely. Again, you don't have to forget as that has nothing to do with forgiveness.

If you feel a part of your soul is haunted, why not take that first step and learn how to don't have to forget, but for your sake, try to forgive and let go of all energies that are anything less than 100% positive, loving and liberating. You will be amazed at how wonderfully happy your life will become.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, February 5, 2017



Sometimes I think the toughest part of life for some of us, is that of being judged by other people and caring what they think. Am I saying it isn't good to care? Absolutely not for it is an amazing quality to care about others, but I am saying that it isn't good to care more about what other people think of you and your life than you do. Your opinion of everything about you should be the deciding factor in all of your decisions where you are concerned.

I wonder at times, why people, even those who don't really care that much about me, want or need to chime in on my decision-making process without my solicitation of their advice. My answer to this wonderment would be...control. They want or need to feel they are controlling you. Many people have this preconceived notion of who and what you should be and how you should behave and if you deign to go it your own way, doing your own thing, you will be judged harshly, if not completely shunned. To these people I say, please do not judge me without your crown. If you must shun me for who I am, then you are not someone I would care to have in my life anyway. I figure that if I can see their crown, I will know they are the ruler of the country in which I live and that I had better do things their way or risk being beheaded in front of the entire kingdom, including the court jester. This would not be good...(insert laughter here to complete sarcasm).

I recently happened upon this quote by Richelle E. Goodman... “Perhaps, if you weren't so busy regarding my shortcomings, you'd find that I do possess redeeming qualities, discreet as they may be. I notice when the sky is blue. I smile down at children. I laugh at any innocent attempt at humor. I quietly carry the burdens of others as though they were my own. And I say 'I'm sorry' when you don't. I am not without fault, but I am not without goodness either.” I love how she phrased this. It's as though she donned the ready position in a fencing match and drew her epee, yet in a classy and non-confrontational way. Just enough sass to say, I am the whole me and if you are busy judging the outside me then you don't see the whole me.

We are all guilty of judging people just by appearances and possible, quirky behaviors, and most times before we ever get to know them, so, therefore, are we judged by others. Karma and/or the universe states that, “What you put out there is going to come back to you tenfold.” This being the case, the person who has mastered the art of letting others be who they are (without hurting anyone including themselves (my favorite part of Wiccanism)), is someone who is rarely judged harshly by others and who doesn't care about other peoples' opinions of them anyway. This is the person I am diligently working to become.
Steve Maraboli said, “How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative, judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.” Truer words have never been spoken in my opinon. We generally find what we look for so it makes perfect sense that if you seek the good in others, you will find it. Treat people with a sense of decency and kindness and that is what they will return to above, so below and what you put in is what you get out.

People are basically good and I believe that...I think when you present even the most harsh-minded person with reason, they will choose the good over the bad, or the good over the evil (if that terms applies). Many of us don't realize that our harsh judgments hurt us just as much, if not more, than they do the person to whom they are directed. Point a finger at someone and three point back at you...that is the visualization technique I use whenever a judgment flies out of my mouth these days and it has really helped me to see that I have no right to say these things because I don't really know this person and I have flaws like everyone else...we all do, and it's okay. It's okay to be who you are, love who you are, change the parts of you you want to better, eliminate the parts that do not serve you well, and treat everyone with kindness, including yourself.

Going forward, when someone judges you, and they will, ask them to please not judge you without wearing their crown...and please show others the same courtesy in reverse for if you must behave as royalty it is common courteousy to be properly attired.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, January 8, 2017


I love the term, “Crazy.” Its root word, “Craze,” is defined as something of interest that really caught on for a fad. I have been “crazy” since birth in all senses of the word...diagnosed with this...afflicted with a matter of fact, my most recent diagnosis was that of OCPD. I'm kind of making it into a contest to see how many diagnoses of psychiatric acronyms I can acquire so that I can string them all together and create an amazing word scramble to use on my Christmas cards...that would be so fun (at least according to my warped sense of humor). I could even write the acronym vertically and morph each letter into a series of words like: One Crazy & Psychotic Dame...oooh that's a good one.

On the plus side however, having been diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) a number of years ago, and now OCPD (obsessive, compulsive personality disorder), led me to the self-realization that I do have a personality, if not several. I consider that a real accomplishment. Some people never master even one. LOL.

I believe that crazy is as crazy does...I mean, there are various forms of crazy and various interpretations of the word, but I believe it doesn't have to necessarily have negative connotations for those of us who are, what I would term to be “functional,” in the sense that with or without medication we can be valuable and productive members of society....and, because of the crazy, we always have an amazing sense of humor. Did you hear the one about the dry cleaner and the rabi? If we were all born with the same personality and the same sense of “normal” (a term I abhor by the way), the world would be a very, very dull and dry place to live. Can you imagine? Everyone would have the same response and reaction to every situation, much like the movie, The Stepford Wives, a classic which must not go unseen.

Even though there are not many people in this realm who understand or “get” me due to my “crazy,” unique personality and with all of my “quirks,” I have come to love these qualities in myself. I myself love people who identify as crazy and who are so unique the rest of the world just doesn't seem to “get” them. I hope if you possess these qualities in any way, or are close to someone who does, that you will be accepting and loving and above all, tolerant and patient because the person in your life who possesses all this “crazy,” is a person worth loving for all he/she is. Embrace the unique!!!

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Monday, January 2, 2017


As we progress in age, our acceptance of our mere mortality takes on a new sense of urgency. For most of us this begins at or around turning 50 years young. Suddenly you may find yourself urgently though you need to pick the lock of the vault containing all of life's though your sanity depends on knowing these answers...and soon. That certainly happened for me, although I have always been introspective, it took on a life of its own when I was 49 and has only progressed into my 50's.

As an avid sleuth and lover of all things puzzle, I like to find answers...we all's human nature, but I also enjoy the journey of discovery. It's part of who we are...we are here to find answers, but not all at once or there would be no life span. Every answer will be revealed, but in its proportionate time. Patience can be the toughest part of all. It's like the bible and the Byrds said, To everything Turn, turn, turn, There is a season Turn, turn, turn, And a time to every purpose under Heaven, A time to be born, a time to die, A time to plant, a time to reap A time to kill, a time to heal, A time to laugh, a time to weep...” Truer words were never spoken. It's as though we know that life slips past us like in the blink of an eye and, being one of, if not the only species that knows it has a shelf life, we feel a sense of urgency to discover our unique purpose and live it out before we pass through to the end of this cycle of life.

Some of us fear the end of our life cycle and some of us embrace it, but do you know what it actually means to die? None of us do...not consciously anyway, but we all have a sense or have had an experience that stays within us and reminds us of who we were and where we were before we were here. “Death,” as we refer to it, isn't an end, but rather a transition toward something is a belief in something a a new another realm, in another plane of existence. Some see this transition as a scary, dark and negative thing, but I know that it's meaning is just the cessation of life as we understand it in this existence only, not all will not cease to exist, but rather will exist somewhere else.

We all have our own ideas, nay beliefs, as to what death might be, but I also believe we have a sense of what it really is within our souls. Why don't we consciously know for sure? If we knew where we came from within each lifetime, the chances are great that we would either not want to stay where we are now as is meant to be, and/or that we would let who we were then shape who we are supposed to be now. Either way it is best that we not know who or where we were in order to give each new transition a fair chance.

Patience is the key and the most difficult answer for many of us. Waiting for anything requires much patience but these addages ring so very true, “Patience is a virtue,” and “Good things come to those who wait.” The most important part is to recognize and appreciate all the things you have and all the things you are and to be grateful for the in the now and work toward the future.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Monday, December 12, 2016


(c) 2016 - Coos Bay Marina

When I hear people say, "I need to find myself," I picture them packing up provisions and setting off on a long, complicated trek in dry terrain, leaving no stone unturned until they find their lost soul. My one question is this...why do so many people start this journey, but so few people ever actually find themselves?

When you set out to find yourself, you might want to keep these wise words in mind, "Be careful what you look for, you just might find it." I think the real reason so many people don't actually find themselves when they finally want to is because 1. they don't realize how much work it will actually involve and 2. because they become afraid of what they might find.  

It takes a lot of work to find the real you because you generally have to accept all the parts of yourself...even the bad. Acceptance, even of the things you aren't really happy about, is is the one factor to success in this journey because if you don't accept all aspects of who you really are, you cannot effectively make the changes you need to complete the journey.  You also have to throw fear out of the window (which is a great thing to do in general) and be ready for anything and everything.  If there is fear, there is resistance and back-peddling, which will keep you from your journey and your truth...ultimately from your true path. Be ready to face it all...and you will find it

I am personally so grateful for who I am and what I have and for my life.  I can honestly say that I love my life and I owe it all to that first step I took on the journey to find myself...Is it perfect? Of course not because if it were it wouldn't be necessary anymore.

I hope your journey is an amazing success and that you find the you that makes you happy.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Thursday, December 1, 2016


Home...a place or a state of being? Some will argue back and forth, but I feel that it can be either...if one or the other works for you...or it can be both. For me, I believe you dwell in a house, but the feeling that you belong there and make it the place you want it to be is what will make it a home. For me, a home is definitely a state of being...for example, I feel at home in my body because of all the work I have done physically and spiritually to find out who I am, make the changes I can make and accept the things I cannot change.

How will you know when you meet the person you are meant to spend the rest of your life with...the one person who never leaves your mind, not even for a second, day or night, night or day? The person you want the whole world to know is with you...whose hand you have to hold when you walk anywhere together. How will you know you have found the person you're meant to love rather than loving a person you've settled for because you've maybe lost hope that you would ever find this “meant-to-be” person or you didn't believe in the first place? You will know because she feels like home...(or it may be a “he” for you). Her kiss will melt you in all the right places...all the will fill you with purpose and intent...the purpose of pressing your lips together will not be a mere prelude to sex, but rather the intention of melding your souls...every touch has intention...the intention to express this pure and real love...this feeling of home. You will never feel more alive than you do with her..she is your twin flame (not a soul-mate or soul-sister or any of those other terms...there is a major difference). I have not yet found my "meant-to-be" home with someone else... but I know it will happen.

Home is a state of being, a feeling, a realization and a's what the soul wants...what it needs...what it will never fully feel alive without. For me, she feels like home and I can't wait to find my home...what feels like home for you?

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Monday, November 28, 2016


Today I rediscovered a post that had been lingering in my "Drafts" folder from March of 2014, which was just a few months before I moved to Oregon.  The reason I decided to publish it now is that I read it back and realized that I have come so far since the day I had these feelings.  I have become a much more positive person leading a way more positive life and I never knew that would ever happen for me.  I post it today with hope that anyone who reads it, who ever had feelings like these and can relate to this, will know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you can live a positive life, you can loosen up and accept change as it comes, and you can reverse all of your negative patterns and fill your soul with happiness, joy, laughter and all things wonderful...May God bless your life as he has mine.

March 2014

How do you fill a half-empty soul? This is the question that has plagued me since I started losing so many close relationships from my life to death and other of life's circumstances.  

I feel as though my body is made up of two giant vials of liquid substance which together, constitute one whole soul; one on the left side, filling up one whole side of my soul, and the other on the right side, doing the same.  I believe that some time before my mom passed, the liquid substance on the right side started to drain and it drained so fast that by the time she actually died, that vial was empty...dry as a bone. That side of my soul had vanished.  I have tried and tried to find people or places or things to fill it back up, and even though some of those people, places and things have been good and added back a little substance here and there, it never stays for long and drains right back out.  

My question?  Where does one turn to seal that leak so the liquid substance can build back up and complete my soul again?  Is it even possible?  Or should I just be accepting of what I've become and learn to live with half a soul.  I think that that would feel like accepting defeat, like I gave up and didn't try hard enough to gain it back.  I long for someone to come along and just say, "Oh, no problem. Here's some caulking for the bottom of that leaky tube and once it dries, go out there and fill it will never leak out again."  Okay, so maybe that isn't a realistic fantasy, but then most fantasies aren't very realistic.  

So then as I see it, my previous attempts at filling this tube back up have been futile because until recently, I never realized that the bottom of the tube was still wide open.  I guess my real goal should not be about filling it up, but sealing the hole on the bottom, which I believe is going to be achieved by learning new coping skills and new ways in which to rebuild a solid foundation.  Once I accomplish that, then and only then will I be able to begin adding liquid substance back into the tube and eventually my soul will be whole again.

Why do I write this?  Because loss is a part of life and we all lose close relationships to either death, or pride, or other circumstances. Hopefully someone will read this and know that if and when it happens to them, (or maybe it already has) don't scramble and try to fill that empty part of you because until you can repair the will only wriggle in the quicksand and waste your time and effort. Seek out someone who can help shed light on a way to seal that hole and build your foundation so that the good things can come into your life and fill you back up.  This will generally take a lot of time and patience on your part so don't be discouraged. You are strong and you CAN do will all fall into place.

Friday, November 25, 2016


Have you ever had the epiphany that the last words you say to someone, could actually be the last words you will ever say to them and vice versa? Life is so much so that every single moment of your life counts more than you know. Every action, every word toward another human being impacts their life as well as yours.

Are you someone who possesses profound integrity and honesty? If you are then the things you say before you leave a person, either by phone, text, email or in person, will be real...they will be pretenses, no lies, no games. If not, then the things you say could be based on falsehoods and games and sometimes even harsh emotions from feeling hurt or seeking revenge and other negative emotions. The thing to keep in mind however, is that when you talk to someone, no matter who it is and no matter your fear of their reaction, have the courage to be honest and real and make sure the words you choose represent the depths of what is in your heart. People play so many games and because of that often leave one another from moment to moment with words that were either left unspoken or less than genuine due to fear of the outcome or reaction. Fear can keep you from revealing that you love someone, maybe even more than you are aware...from telling them that you love them with all of your heart...that maybe you are in love with them and to what degree, in which case you will never know what would have happened if you had...what could have will foster regrets.

Something to keep front of mind is the fact that people you cherish in any way could die at a moment's notice, or that you could die...or you might leave each other's lives for other, unforeseen circumstances or reasons. People leave your life for so many yourself and the people you love a favor...speak from the heart...reveal everything...fear nothing, and you will live without regret.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Saturday, November 12, 2016


If you know me, then you know that one of my favorite past times is observing people, be it real life or characters on t.v., and although I have always held to the conviction that beauty is indeed skin deep, it is only lately that I have settled into my own skin enough to realize the validity of this adage.

People who possess courage, kindness and self-confidence are beautiful...period.  It makes no difference what they look like in the body they were dealt...they are beautiful. The more you realize, especially the next time you look in the mirror or deflect a judgment from someone else, that you are the best you you can be and you are so very proud of that, no matter what you look like on the outside, know that you are beautiful and that everyone sees the beautiful person you are...but yours is the only judgment that matters

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, October 23, 2016


Did you ever dare to let yourself dream about the life you could have had, had you been brave enough to make those decisions when they were in front of you? 

This is a tough subject on which to confront ourselves as it's hard to look at ourselves later in life and wonder, wow had I only done what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it where would I be now... For me personally, in my early years I took no chances whatsoever and I still wonder what would have happened had I (fill in missed opportunity here), but the more years I've been allowed to advance the more I've been able to finally make the changes I've wanted at the time I wanted them and, although not always easy choices, definitely a more worthwhile path to follow. I think if I had one regret it would be that the love of my life could not make the changes in her life she would have had to make in order to be with me, but sometimes when you find your split-apart you aren't always able to have them in the lifetime in which you find them and, in this case, I will always wonder about what might have been. I hold out hope that she will eventually come around and make those changes so we can share the rest of our lives and not a day goes by that I don't think of her all day, every day, but I realize that sometimes we are not only a victim of the choices WE make, but of those that others in our lives make as well.  The other path I did not have the courage to follow was in my education...if I had I would be a thriving architect right now, so I recently decided to look into pursuing something in that field to see where the journey takes me....but enough about me...what choices can you make, right here, right now to get you to where you want to be?  Ask yourself and answer truthfully.

Do you ever feel like you're living within a small capacity of yourself? Within what you will barely allow yourself to have or be in this life and yet you know that given the courage to make those changes now, you would in a heartbeat?  Change can be tough and those decisions are not always easy and courage and kindness are needed to get there...but not all of us have the courage we need when we need it... We often require strength in our convictions, total self-confidence and profound integrity to make those changes and yes some of us will struggle in doing so but when we allow ourselves to live honestly, we fulfill our lives to the core of our souls. 

I have mapped a positive course toward living all of my dreams from here on out and I'm so proud of myself...I hope you will do the same to find the courage to be be unique and brave... to be the one and only true version of yourself that matters for you... If you don't you may never have another chance to live the life you want...the one you were meant to live.  There will always be people in your life who you fear will be hurt in the wake of the changes you need to make, but rest the long run, they will understand that you had to be true to yourself and that you can't always live a happy and fulfilling life when you stay with people out of a sense of duty.

The only truth that matters is your truth...don't you owe it to yourself to find the courage to live it? 

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Saturday, October 15, 2016


Sometimes I stumble across an article in which I find life-altering advice or direction and I just have to share it.  This article by Steve Pavlina is just that.  It has given me the courage I needed to change for the better, to actually live my life and to live it for me, and I hope it will be a stepping-off point for you as well.

The Courage to Live Consciously

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.

– Helen Keller
In our day-to-day lives, the virtue of courage doesn’t receive much attention. Courage is a quality reserved for soldiers, firefighters, and activists. Security is what matters most today. Perhaps you were taught to avoid being too bold or too brave. It’s too dangerous. Don’t take unnecessary risks. Don’t draw attention to yourself in public. Follow family traditions. Don’t talk to strangers. Keep an eye out for suspicious people. Stay safe.
But a side effect of overemphasizing the importance of personal security in your life is that it can cause you to live reactively. Instead of setting your own goals, making plans to achieve them, and going after them with gusto, you play it safe. Keep working at the stable job, even though it doesn’t fulfill you. Remain in the unsatisfying relationship, even though you feel dead inside compared to the passion you once had. Who are you to think that you can buck the system? Accept your lot in life, and make the best of it. Go with the flow, and don’t rock the boat. Your only hope is that the currents of life will pull you in a favorable direction.
No doubt there exist real dangers in life you must avoid. But there’s a huge gulf between recklessness and courage. I’m not referring to the heroic courage required to risk your life to save someone from a burning building. By courage I mean the ability to face down those imaginary fears and reclaim the far more powerful life that you’ve denied yourself. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of going broke. Fear of being alone. Fear of humiliation. Fear of public speaking. Fear of being ostracized by family and friends. Fear of physical discomfort. Fear of regret. Fear of success.
How many of these fears are holding you back? How would you live if you had no fear at all? You’d still have your intelligence and common sense to safely navigate around any real dangers, but without feeling the emotion of fear, would you be more willing to take risks, especially when the worst case wouldn’t actually hurt you at all? Would you speak up more often, talk to more strangers, ask for more sales, dive headlong into those ambitious projects you’ve been dreaming about? What if you even learned to enjoy the things you currently fear? What kind of difference would that make in your life?
Have you previously convinced yourself that you aren’t really afraid of anything… that there are always good and logical reasons why you don’t do certain things? It would be rude to introduce yourself to a stranger. You shouldn’t attempt public speaking because you don’t have anything to say. Asking for a raise would be improper because you’re supposed to wait until the next formal review. They’re just rationalizations though – think about how your life would change if you could confidently and courageously do these things with no fear at all.

What Is Courage?

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
– Ambrose Redmoon
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.
– Mark Twain
Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.
– John Wayne
I like the definitions of courage above, which all suggest that courage is the ability to get yourself to take action in spite of fear. The word courage derives from the Latin cor, which means “heart.” But true courage is more a matter of intellect than of feeling. It requires using the uniquely human part of your brain (the neocortex) to wrest control away from the emotional limbic brain you share in common with other mammals. Your limbic brain signals danger, but your neocortex reasons that the danger isn’t real, so you simply feel the fear and take action anyway. The more you learn to act in spite of fear, the more human you become. The more you follow the fear, the more you live like a lower mammal. So the question, “Are you a man or a mouse?” is consistent with human neurology.
Courageous people are still afraid, but they don’t let the fear paralyze them. People who lack courage will give into fear more often than not, which actually has the long-term effect of strengthening the fear. When you avoid facing a fear and then feel relieved that you escaped it, this acts as a psychological reward that reinforces the mouse-like avoidance behavior, making you even more likely to avoid facing the fear in the future. So the more you avoid asking someone out on a date, the more paralyzed you’ll feel about taking such actions in the future. You are literally conditioning yourself to become more timid and mouse-like.
Such avoidance behavior causes stagnation in the long run. As you get older, you reinforce your fear reactions to the point where it’s hard to even imagine yourself standing up to your fears. You begin taking your fears for granted; they become real to you. You cocoon yourself into a life that insulates you from all these fears: a stable but unhappy marriage, a job that doesn’t require you to take risks, an income that keeps you comfortable. Then you rationalize your behavior: You have a family to support and can’t take risks, you’re too old to shift careers, you can’t lose weight because you have “fat” genes. Five years… ten years… twenty years pass, and you realize that your life hasn’t changed all that much. You’ve settled down. All that’s really left now is to live out the remainder of your years as contently as possible and then settle yourself into the ground, where you’ll finally achieve total safety and security.
But there’s something else going on behind the scenes, isn’t there? That tiny voice in the back of your mind recalls that this isn’t the kind of life you wanted to live. It wants more, much more. It wants you to become far wealthier, to have an outstanding relationship, to get your body in peak physical condition, to learn new skills, to travel the world, to have lots of wonderful friends, to help people in need, to make a meaningful difference. That voice tells you that settling into a job where you sell widgets the rest of your life just won’t cut it. That voice frowns at you when you catch a glance of your oversized belly in the mirror or get winded going up a flight of stairs. It beams disappointment when it sees what’s become of your family. It tells you that the reason you have trouble motivating yourself is that you aren’t doing what you really ought to be doing with your life… because you’re afraid. And if you refuse to listen, it will always be there, nagging you about your mediocre results until you die, full of regrets for what might have been.
So how do you respond to this ornery voice that won’t shut up? What do you do when confronted by that gut feeling that something just isn’t right in your life? What’s your favorite way to silence it? Maybe drown it out by watching TV, listening to the radio, working long hours at an unfulfilling job, or consuming alcohol and caffeine and sugar.
But whenever you do this, you lower your level of consciousness. You sink closer towards an instinctive animal and move away from becoming a fully conscious human being. You react to life instead of proactively going after your goals. You fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you begin to believe that your goals are no longer possible or practical for you. You become more and more like a mouse, even trying to convince yourself that life as a mouse might not be so bad after all, since everyone around you seems to be OK with it. You surround yourself with your fellow mice, and on the rare occasions that you encounter a fully conscious human being, it scares the hell out of you to remember how much of your own courage has been lost.

Raise Your Consciousness

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.
– Anais Nin
Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace.
– Amelia Earhart
You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
– Eleanor Roosevelt
The way out of this vicious cycle is to summon your courage and confront that inner voice. Find a place where you can be alone with pen and paper (or computer and keyboard). Listen to that voice, and face up to what it’s telling you, no matter how difficult it is to hear. (The voice is just an abstraction – you may not hear words at all; instead you may see what you should be doing or simply feel it emotionally. But I’ll continue to refer to thevoice for the sake of example.) This voice may tell you that your marriage has been dead for ten years, and you’re refusing to face it because you’re afraid of divorce. It may tell you that you’re afraid that if you start your own business, you’ll probably fail, and that’s why you’re staying at a job that doesn’t challenge you to grow. It may tell you that you’ve given up trying to lose weight because you’ve failed at it so many times, and you’re addicted to food. It may tell you that the friends you’re hanging out with now are incongruent with the person you want to be, and that you need to leave that reference group behind and build a new one. It may tell you that you always wanted to be an actor or writer, but you settled for a sales job because it seemed more safe and secure. It may tell you that you always wanted to help people in need, but you aren’t doing so in the way you should. It may tell you that you’re wasting your talents.
See if you can reduce that voice to just a single word or two. What is it telling you to do? Leave. Quit. Speak. Write. Dance. Act. Exercise. Sell. Switch. Move on. Let go. Ask. Learn. Forgive. Whatever you get from this, write it down. Perhaps you even have different words for each area of your life.
Now you have to take the difficult step of consciously acknowledging that this is what you really want. It’s OK if you don’t think it’s possible for you. It’s OK if you don’t see how you could ever have it. But don’t deny that you want it. You lower your consciousness when you do that. When you look at your overweight body, admit that you really want to be fit and healthy. When you light up that next cigarette, don’t deny that you want to be a nonsmoker. When you meet the potential mate of your dreams, don’t deny that you’d love to be in a relationship with that person. When you meet a person who seems to be at total peace with herself, don’t deny that you crave that level of inner peace too. Get yourself out of denial. Move instead to a place where you admit, “I really do want this, but I just don’t feel I currently have the ability to get it.” It’s perfectly OK to want something that you don’t think you can have. And you’re almost certainly wrong in concluding that you can’t have it. But first, stop lying to yourself and pretending you don’t really want it.

Move From Fear to Action, Even if You Expect to Fail

When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.
– Orison Swett Marden
Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.
– John Quincy Adams
Now that you’ve acknowledged some things you’ve been afraid to face, how do you feel? You probably still feel paralyzed against taking action. That’s okay. While diving right in and confronting a fear head-on can be very effective, that may require more courage than you feel you can summon right now.
The most important point I want you to learn from this article is that real courage is a mental skill, not an emotional one. Neurologically it means using the thinking neocortex part of your brain to override the emotional limbic impulses. In other words, you use your human intelligence, logic, and independent will to overcome the limitations you’ve inherited as an emotional mammal.
Now this may make logical sense, but it’s far easier said than done. You may logically know you’re in no real danger if you get up on a stage and speak in front of 1000 people, but your fear kicks in anyway, and the imaginary threat prevents you from volunteering for anything like this. Or you may know you’re in a dead end job, but you can’t seem to bring yourself to say the words, “I quit.”
Courage, however, doesn’t require that you take drastic action in these situations. Courage is a learned mental skill that you must condition, just as weight training strengthens your muscles. You wouldn’t go into a gym for the first time and try to lift 300 pounds, so don’t think that to be courageous you must tackle your most paralyzing fear right away.
There are two methods I will suggest for building courage. The first approach is analogous to progressive weight training. Start with weights you can lift but which are challenging for you, and then progressively train up to heavier and heavier weights as you grow stronger. So tackle your smallest fears first, and progressively train up to bigger and bigger fears. Training yourself to lift 300 pounds isn’t so hard if you’ve already lifted 290. Similarly, speaking in front of an audience of 1000 people isn’t so tough once you’ve already spoken to 900.
So grab a piece of paper, and write down one of your fears that you’d like to overcome. Then number from one to ten, and write out ten variations of this fear, with number one being the least anxiety-producing and number ten being the most anxiety-producing. This is your fear hierarchy. For example, if you’re afraid of asking someone out on a date, then number one on your list might be going out to a public place and smiling at someone you find attractive (very mild fear). Number two might be smiling at ten attractive strangers in a single day. Number ten might be asking out your ideal date in front of all your mutual friends, when you’re almost certain you’ll be turned down flat and everyone in the room will laugh (extreme fear). Now start by setting a goal to complete number one on your list. Once you’ve had that success (and success in this case simply means taking action, regardless of the outcome), then move on to number two, and so on, until you’re ready to tackle number ten or you just don’t feel the fear is limiting you anymore. You may need to adjust the items on your list to make them practical for you to actually experience. And if you ever feel the next step is too big, then break it down into additional gradients. If you can lift 290 pounds but not 300, then try 295 or even 291. Take this process as gradually as you need to, such that the next step is a mild challenge for you but one you feel fairly confident you can complete. And feel free to repeat a past step multiple times if you find it helpful to prepare you for the next step. Pace yourself.
By following this progressive training process, you’ll accomplish two things. You’ll cease reinforcing the fear/avoidance response that you exhibited in the past. And you’ll condition yourself to act more courageously in future situations. So your feelings of fear will diminish at the same time that your expression of courage grows. Neurologically you’ll be weakening the limbic control over your actions while strengthening the neocortical control, gradually moving from unconscious mouse-like to conscious human-like behavior.
The second approach to building courage is to acquire additional knowledge and skill within the domain of your fear. Confronting fears head-on can be helpful, but if your fear is largely due to ignorance and lack of skill, then you can usually reduce or eliminate the fear with information and training. For example, if you’re afraid to quit your job and start your own business, even though you’d absolutely love to be in business for yourself, then start reading books and taking classes on how to start your own business. Spend an afternoon at your local library researching the subject, or do the research online. Join the local Chamber of Commerce and any relevant trade organizations in your field. Attend conferences. Build connections. Enlist the help of a mentor. Build your skill to the point where you start to feel confident that you could actually succeed, and this knowledge will help you act more boldly and courageously when you’re ready. This method is especially effective when a large part of your fear is due to the unknown. Often just reading a book or two on the subject will be enough to dispel the fear so that you’re able to take action.
These two methods are my personal favorites, but there are many additional ways to condition yourself to overcome fear, including neuro-linguistic programming, implosion therapy, systematic desensitization, and self-confrontation. You can research them via an online search engine if you wish to learn such methods and increase the number of fear-busting tools in your arsenal. Most of these can be easily self-administered (implosion therapy is the notable exception).
The exact process you use to build courage isn’t important. What’s important is that you consciously do it. Just as your muscles will atrophy if you don’t regularly stress them, your courage will atrophy if you don’t consistently challenge yourself to face down your fears. In the absence of this kind of conscious conditioning, you’ll automatically become weak in both body and mind. If you aren’t regularly exercising your courage, then you are strengthening your fear by default; there is no middle ground. Just as your muscles automatically atrophy from lack of use, so your courage will automatically decay in the absence of conscious conditioning.
Now this may sound overly gloomy, so here’s a positive way to look at it. Heavy weights can be a physical burden, but they are helpful tools to build strong muscles. You would not look at a 45-pound dumbbell and say, “Why must you be so heavy?” It is what it is. Heaviness is your thought, not an intrinsic property of the dumbbell itself. Similarly, do not look at the things you fear and say, “Why must you be so scary?” Fear is your reaction, not a property of the object of your anxiety.
Fear is not your enemy. It is a compass pointing you to the areas where you need to grow. So when you encounter a new fear within yourself, celebrate it as an opportunity for growth, just as you would celebrate reaching a new personal best with strength training.

Catch a Glimpse of Your Own Greatness

Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.
– Erica Jong
The highest courage is to dare to appear to be what one is.
– John Lancaster Spalding
Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
So what do you do with your newly developed courage? Where will it lead you? The answer is that it will permit you to lead a far more fulfilling and meaningful life. You will truly begin living as a daring human being instead of a timid mouse. You will uncover and develop your greatest talents. You will begin living far more consciously and deliberately than you ever have before. Instead of reacting to events, you will proactively manufacture your own events.
Courage is something you can only truly experience alone. It is a private victory, not a public one. Summoning the courage to listen to your innermost desires is not a group activity and does not result from building a consensus with others. Kahlil Gibran writes in The Prophet, “The vision of one man lends not its wings to another man.” The purpose of your existence is yours alone to discover. No one on earth has lived through the exact same experiences you have, and no one thinks the exact same thoughts you do.
On the one hand, this is a lonely realization. Whether you live alone or enjoy the deepest intimacy with a loving partner, deep down you must still face the reality that your life is yours alone to live. You can choose to temporarily yield control of your life to others, whether it be to a company, a spouse, or simply to the pressures of daily living, but you can never give away your personal responsibility for the results. Whether you assume direct and conscious control over your life or merely react to events as they happen to you, you and you alone must bear the consequences.
If you commit to following the path of courage, you will ultimately be forced to confront what is perhaps the greatest fear of all – that you are far more powerful and capable than you initially realized, that your ultimate potential is far greater than anything you’ve experienced in your past, and that with this power comes tremendous responsibility. You may not be able to solve all the woes of this planet, but if you ever do commit yourself 100% to the fulfillment of your true potential, you can significantly impact the lives of many people, and that impact will ripple through the future for generations to come.
What is the difference between you and one of those legendary historical figures who did have such an impact? You both had many of the same fears. You both were born with talents in some areas and weaknesses in others. The only thing stopping you is fear, and the only thing that will get you past it is courage. What you do with your life isn’t up to your parents, your boss, or your spouse. It’s up to you and you alone.
Catching a glimpse of your own greatness can be one of the most unsettling experiences imaginable. And even more disturbing is the awareness of the tremendous challenges that await you if you accept it. Living consciously is not an easy path, but it is a uniquely human experience, and it requires making the committed decision to permanently let go of that mouse within you. Going after your greatest and most ambitious dreams and experiencing failure and disappointment, running butt up against your most humbling human limitations instead of living with a comfortable padding of potential – these fears are common to us all.
The first few times you encounter such fears, you may quickly retreat back to the illusory security of life as a mouse. But if you keep exercising your courage, you will eventually mature to the point where you can openly accept the challenges and responsibilities of life as a fully conscious human being. Continuing to live as a mouse will simply hold no more interest for you. You will acknowledge within the deepest recesses of your being, I have awakened to this incredible potential within me, and I accept what that will require of me. Whatever it costs me, whatever I must sacrifice to follow this path, bring it on. I’m ready. Even though you will still experience fear, you will recognize it for the illusion it is, and you will know how to use your human courage to face it down, such that fear will no longer have the power to stop you.

Embrace the Daring Adventure

Before you embark on any path ask the question, does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it and then you must choose another path. The trouble is that nobody asks the question. And when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart the path is ready to kill him.
– Carlos Castaneda
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
– Kahlil Gibran
Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
– Dale Carnegie
As you develop a sense of your true purpose in life, you may begin to feel an uneasy disconnect between your current life situation and the one you envision moving towards. These two worlds may seem so different to you that you cannot mentally conceive of how to build a bridge between them. How can you balance the practical reality of taking care of your third-dimensional obligations like earning money to pay your bills and taxes, pleasing your boss, raising your family, and maintaining social relationships with people who can’t even relate to what you’re experiencing vs. the new vision of yourself you desperately want to move towards? A whole host of new fears may crop up related to this seemingly impossible shift. How will you support yourself? What will become of your relationships? Are you just deluding yourself?
The best advice I can give you here is to forget about trying to build a bridge. Focus instead on independently beginning the process of manifesting the new vision of yourself from scratch, as if it were a totally separate thread in your life. If this creates a temporary incongruence in your life, just do it anyway. For example, suppose you currently work as a divorce attorney, but your courage tells you that you must eventually abandon such adversarial work. You envision yourself passionately teaching couples how to heal their broken relationships. But you can’t even fathom yourself as a trial lawyer trying to speak about healthy relationships, and on top of that problem, you can’t see any way to make a decent living in this new career, at least not quickly. There’s just too big a disconnect between this new vision and practical reality. So instead of trying to bridge this gap, just begin building your new vision completely from scratch in whatever time you have, even if it’s only an hour or two each week. Keep doing your regular work as an attorney, but in your spare time, start posting anonymously on relationship message boards to give couples advice on how to heal their relationships. Use the oratory skills you developed as an attorney to begin speaking to small groups about healing relationships. Perhaps create a new web site, and start writing and posting articles about your new passion. You don’t have to hide the fact that you’re an attorney, but don’t worry about bridging these two worlds. Live in paradox. Just start developing the new you, and allow the old one to continue in parallel for a while.
What will happen is that you’ll develop skill in your new undertaking, and you’ll eventually be able to support yourself from it, even if you can’t see how to do so right away. You may not be able to see a way to support yourself in your new vision right now, and that’s fine. Just begin it anyway, doing it for free, without any concern of how to turn it into a new full-time career. Patiently wait for clarity; you will eventually find a way to make it work. Then when the time is right, you’ll be able to peacefully let go of the old career and focus all your energy on the new one. At some point you’ll be able to commit fully to your new self. Your passion for your new work will eventually overwhelm your fear of letting go of your old source of stability. So instead of trying to transform your old career into your new one, just start the process of building your new one, and let your old one gradually fade. Even if you can only invest an hour a week in your new undertaking, you will probably discover that this hour is more fulfilling to you than all the other hours put together, and that passion will drive you to find a way to gradually grow this presence until it fills up most of your days. The most important thing is to begin now by introducing your new vision of yourself to your daily life, even if you can only initially do so in a small way.
No matter how difficult it may seem, make the choice to live consciously. Do not succumb to that half-conscious realm of fear-based thinking, filling your life with distractions to avoid facing what you feel in those silent spaces between your thoughts. Either exercise your human endowment of courage and progressively build the strength to face your deepest, darkest fears to live as the powerful being you truly are, or admit that your fears are too much for you, and embrace life as a mouse. But make this choice consciously and with full awareness of its consequences. If you are going to allow fear to win the battle for your life, then proclaim it the victor and forfeit the match. If you simply avoid living consciously and courageously, then that is equivalent to giving up on life itself, where your continued existence becomes little more than a waiting period before physical death – the nothing as opposed to the daring adventure.
Don’t die without embracing the daring adventure your life is meant to be. You may go broke. You may experience failure and rejection repeatedly. You may endure multiple dysfunctional relationships. But these are all milestones along the path of a life lived courageously. They are your private victories, carving a deeper space within you to be filled with an abundance of joy, happiness, and fulfillment. So go ahead and feel the fear. Then summon the courage to follow your dreams anyway. That is strength undefeatable.

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