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Thursday, September 21, 2017

DO YOU SEE THE GAIN...OR THE LOSS...

DO YOU SEE THE GAIN...OR THE LOSS...

This past Sunday, the 17th, would have been my mother’s 80th birthday.  Each year I try to find some way to honor her on her birthday, but it always becomes a sad time for me.  The next day I realized that I’m going about it all wrong.  I am coming at it from a “glass half empty” thought process when I should be coming at it from the angle of what I had gained and who I am today because of all of the positive things she taught me and brought into my life and her presence and essence.  Thinking about it in this way has helped me to find joy in this day and not dread it approaching.  I owe so much to my mother and it is time I honored those attributes in the positive ways she would have wanted for me and my life and feel the joy she worked so hard to give me on a daily basis.

We all handle the loss of a loved one in our own way but most of us think of it as a sad time because we miss that person so much and, in that sense, it can be very sad.  We are the “left behind” when they pass, but we can still find positive and enlightening ways to deal with our feelings and filter out all but the positive.  How do we go about this you might ask?  I recently came across a great article at http://www.itsafullnest.com and have posted it below to give you a jumping off point:

Here are 23 ways to honor loved ones who have passed away:
1.     Write a poem in honor of the loved one.
2.     Play their favorite music/songs.
3.     Record family members sharing favorite stories or memories of the person.
4.     Decorate the loved one’s headstone.
5.     Meet at the gravesite at a designated time, tell family stories, release balloons, and then go celebrate the person’s life.
6.     Moment of silence.
7.     Light a candle and tell the loved one the things they have missed over the year.
8.     Go out to dinner and toast the legacy that has been left.
9.     Cook the loved one’s favorite foods.
10.                        Have a good cry.
11.                        Do a community service project as a family.
12.                        Have a birthday cake and celebrate the years the person was alive and with us.
13.                        Participate in an activity we used to do together.
14.                        Write messages, attach to a balloon filled with helium, and then set the message/balloons free.
15.                        Wear a piece of jewelry that belonged to the loved one.
16.                        Call other loved ones to talk about the deceased person. Talk about the deceased person’s influence on your life.
17.                        Make a family quilt – from clothing of the loved one.
18.                        Create a scrapbook.
19.                        Make a donation in honor of the deceased loved one.
20.                        Take a day off from work/school to rest and think about the loved one.
21.                        Have a movie marathon – showing your deceased loved one’s favorite movies.
22.                        Plant a tree or a garden.
23.                        Write a letter to your loved one – and if appropriate, have the letter published.

Another idea someone recently enlightened me with was to drink all of the drinks your loved one enjoyed throughout the day (if your loved one liked to drink), which I thought was a fun idea and could go along side having their favorite foods.

You are who you are because of this person’s presence in your life.  Keep the happy memories and toss the rest…this alone will honor your relationship as they would want nothing more than for you to be happy until you meet them again.




Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Thursday, August 31, 2017

ARE YOU AN OPPORTUNIST???


The quote above reads, “A positive mind finds opportunity in everything while the negative mind finds fault in everything.”  This quote in conjunction with a quote by Novelist Jonathan Safran Foer, “These little daily choices that we’re so used to thinking are irrelevant are the most important things we do all day long,” had me thinking about a conversation I had recently as to how so many people, especially in our society, find fault in everything, with the attitude that it doesn’t matter because it is such an “everyday” choice, a small choice at that, and then wind up in a position of frustration, anger, anxiety or just feeling like they are butting their head against the wall (sorry for the run-on sentence).  

Because it is true that like attracts like, then it stands to reason that when people inject negativity into each decision they make, no matter how small, they are going to end up with negative results.  Judge a person or a situation harshly and negatively, and they will most likely deliver negative results as a consequence.  Pick out all of their flaws, see all of their negative qualities and that which attracted you to them in the first place, is torn down by unrealistic expectations.  It has been my experience that we usually receive what we seek out, even if we don’t know that we are seeking it out.  The old adage about when you expect negative things from people, they usually deliver, comes to mind here.  

One of the toughest habits to break is that of judging other people negatively.  We become conditioned by different generations and lifestyles as we are brought up and we learn this behavior from those people, therefore we think it is the way that things are done.  Unfortunately for me, I was brought up this way and all of the influential people in my life are/were very judgmental and in predominantly harsh and negative ways.  I am learning to turn this around and to train my mind (which jumps so quickly into judgment mode) to judge in positive ways, finding the good in the situation and/or the person in my line of target, if I have to judge at all. 

A better course of action would of course be to not judge at all, but I think that may be next to impossible when we first begin to train our minds to change a behavior that has long been instilled.  I notice personally, that I am catching myself each time now, especially working at a school where I meet such an amazing and diverse group of people. 

Every situation and every person has at least one, if not so many more, endearing and/or positive traits or aspects.  If take each opportunity to find those and stay in constant practice finding those, we find that our attitude toward everything in life begins to switch to the good automatically and ultimately, our lives become positive and easy…who knew(?).

Be an opportunist…take the opportunity to find the good in others and let that be the judgment you make or have to make.




Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

DOES SOMEBODY WANT YOU???


How wanted do you feel in your relationship?  How about in your life in general?  I found this quote on Always Positive and shared it with a friend of mine who is having some relationship issues: “There’s a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything to keep you.”  I decided that that is the relationship I want to end up with…the one in which somebody would do anything to keep me, because then I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the love and desire, the friendship and passion in the relationship was real and we would both work hard on making it work.  I would know that the gestures I put toward romance are appreciated and reciprocated.  One day soon I will find the one woman on the planet who is willing to go the distance with me and work hard on resolving all of our differences on an ongoing basis with open communication, but until then, I now know that I want me and that’s enough for now.

Are you in a relationship in which you both put in equal effort to keep it alive, honest and ongoing with full disclosure and communication, or are you one of those people who use the term, “...have them wrapped around my finger,” or feel that someone has you wrapped around their finger?  Are there games and drama and withdrawment in lieu of communication? If so, stop and take an honest assessment of your relationship. 
Once you have done that and, if you decide it is worth saving, talk to your partner and get it worked out.  Life is too short to play games or retreat in silence.  If you decide the only thing to do would be to cut them loose, then remember that it is a kinder thing to do in the long run than stay in a relationship where the love and friendship has died and there is no hope of resuscitation.  

Wanting yourself and loving who you are is all that matters in the long run.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

FACE YOUR REALITY SQUARELY…

FACE YOUR REALITY SQUARELY…

There is a quote from Buddha which states, “All human unhappiness comes from not facing reality squarely, exactly as it is.”  It was no accident that I recently stumbled upon this quote as it was perfect for the post I was going to write today.  Every one of us lives in what I like to term…our own reality.  Yes, we have the illusion of sharing the same “world” with everyone else in this plane of existence, but what we do, see, hear and interact with is what we make it and how we interpret it, thereby creating our own reality.  Having said that, the moral of this post is to learn to face what is…right now, in the here and now, owning up to the things that need to be changed and those you can change on your own.

Sometimes people have a tendency to look outside of their world for answers, however, often this is a misplaced or misguided “solution.”  Did you ever hear anyone say, “You only hurt the ones you love?”  People throw these words around all the time as though they provided a justified excuse or an “oh well,” solution, but I find this odd and nonsensical.  Why would we take things out on the few people in our world (and yes, we can always count those closest to us on one hand) who we can actually trust and who love us unconditionally and deeply?  I think the answer is…because we think we can based on the unconditional love.  That, however, does not justify doing so and, in most cases, we will end up losing those treasured people in the long run because we just keep hurting them over and over.  

We tend to pull other people into our messes thinking that they will provide an instant answer for us.  An example might be those times when we have looked for love in all the wrong places…and who hasn’t done that…by bringing someone new in to love or fall in love with (we think).  All this does is mask the true cause of the thing(s) that are not currently providing fulfillment in our hearts and souls and then if that isn’t detrimental enough to our own psyches, when these people do not behave as we had expected them to, we tend to take it out on them simply because we are not fulfilling our own needs.  

When we begin seeking pure and honest fulfillment so that we may realize and attract what we truly desire in our lives, it is imperative to know that our starting point must be to face reality squarely, exactly as it is.  Be brave…be excruciatingly honest and real with yourself and uncover the truth about your life, warts and all.  Release all of the people who were brought in to make you feel better, because you are the only one who can accomplish this feat…ever.  We can share our lives with others and we can enjoy their company, but they are very separate and apart from us and enjoy their own autonomy…which is as it should be.  

One of the exercises I coach people to use, and one that I find very beneficial, is to take stock of the people in your life, whether on paper, computer or even in your head, and ask yourself these questions: 1) What drew me to this person? 2) Are these still qualities that this person has and am I still drawn to them? 3) Do I genuinely like/love this person for who they are, hard times, flaws and all? 4) Is this someone I can see in my future? 5) What do I feel this person provides in my life?  If the answer to any of these questions help you realize that these people are there only for the purpose of bettering your own life in some way(s), then do yourself a favor and cut them loose…if not for your own good, then at least for theirs, especially if it seems that neither of you are benefitting from your relationship (see post about toxic people.)

What do you WANT from life?  Look at your reality closely…face it…and if it is not working for you anymore, exactly as it is, then it’s time to make these big changes, otherwise you will feel frustration most of your life and you will feel stuck!  Believe me, I was there for most of my life and the more I learn to change and to accept changes as they come to me and to perceive those changes as good and positive changes, the easier my life has become and continues to grow.  I hope you will take the time to fulfill yourself honestly because life is so short and the more time you waste masking your true feelings and keeping them unexpressed, the more time you waste being frustrated.  Don’t expect anything from anyone, including yourself, and you will never be let down. 


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Monday, August 21, 2017

A QUOTE BY CHARLES BUKOWSKI…

Do you ever have feelings or thoughts that aren't quite clear? Almost as though you have a deep desire to express and/or define them, but so unsure as to how to pinpoint them?  I find the older I get, the more this occurs and I need to find a way to get them out.  One solution I have discovered that works well for me when I feel "stuck" like this, is to find quotes and poems that speak to my heart and soul.  Today I was browsing through my own private library of quotes and poems and came across some of my favorites by Charles Bukowski: 

“I've never been lonely. I've been in a room -- I've felt suicidal. I've been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all -- but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me...or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. It's being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I'll quote Ibsen, "The strongest men are the most alone." I've never thought, "Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I'll feel good." No, that won't help. You know the typical crowd, "Wow, it's Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?" Well, yeah. Because there's nothing out there. It's stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I've never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn't want to hide in factories. That's all. Sorry for all the millions, but I've never been lonely. I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I have. Let's drink more wine!” 
― 
Charles Bukowski

“We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.” 
― 
Charles Bukowski

“My dear,
Find what you love and let it kill you.
Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness.
Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.
For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.
~ Falsely yours”
― 
Charles Bukowski

“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” 
― 
Charles Bukowski

“there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.

people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other
one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.

it hasn't told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.

or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone

untouched
unspoken to

watering a plant.”
― Charles BukowskiLove Is a Dog from Hell

“An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way.”
― Charles Bukowski


“I will remember the kisses 
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.”
― 
Charles Bukowski

Even though I love to write poetry and quotes, I find such solace in the words of like-minded writers everywhere.  When you feel lost for words and struggling to find a way to express what you are feeling, find the words that speak to you from your favorite books, poems and quotes.  It can be an amazing therapy.



Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

PASSION-IT...

Photo (c) 2017 Kimberly D Miller

PASSION-IT…
© Kimberly D Miller - August 17, 2017

Passion…it’s in everything you feel…everything you love and everything you hate.  It’s what drives us.  You can feel good and positive passion like love and lust, happiness and desire, and you can feel negative and harsh passion like hate, anger and frustration.  It’s a broad spectrum.

Most people are under the assumption that passion is all about love and lust and sex and fun emotions like that and, while this is partially true, most people don’t realize that when you are frustrated with someone or angry with someone that you love, it also comes from a place of passion.  Every thing worthwhile in life must first begin with a passion for it/him/her.   As we begin to fall in love with someone, our passion for them as a person must grow in order to effectuate real and total love and, without the passion, you have a deep “like” at best.  Have you ever felt the difference between making love to someone you are very much in love with and just having sex with someone you know or sort of like?  When there is little to no passion involved, it feels cold and mechanical.  The whole purpose of “making love” is to show that person how much you love them and a passion for that person must first exist.

Love yourself with as much positive passion as you can muster every day, and life as you know it will intensify in positive and amazing ways.  Release all of the negative passion toward yourself and others and you free yourself up to embrace the positive.  The more you learn to love your life, your body and all of your traits, the more you change for the better.  New doors open up all the time as you develop more patience and understanding toward your passion. 


Be passionate and true about who you are and come from a place of kindness and empathy…this is a recipe for total, positive, success.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

HOW FAT IS FAT???

Photo by Kimberly D Miller 2017

HOW FAT IS FAT…
(c) Kimberly D. Miller 08/2017

At what weight are we defined as fat?  I was thinking about this this morning and finally realized what a relative word the word “fat” is.  We tend to let society dictate who we are so much these days that most of us have lost sight of what is truly important in being alive, because body weight and appearance certainly is the least of it.  I was looking in the mirror after I got dressed for work this morning and was thinking, wow, I have to lose weight again, as if it ever stops, and then I thought, what the hell, I don’t know anyone else on the planet who has anything negative to say about my weight, so why should I?  Then I realized that I also tend to attract to curvy women.  I am seldom attracted to women with straight and petite figures, so why would I not accept this in myself?  I am 55 and prouder every day of who I have become and who I am still working to become as I see amazing and wonderful changes in my life every day, in every way.  

Do you fall into this societal trap?  Do you look in the mirror and think, wow, I’m an amazing person…or do you pick yourself apart and leave the rest for the vultures (all the naysayers and judges in your world) to chew on?  If you constantly do the latter, please stop and take stock of all you have to offer.  You are an original, not a copy (even if you are a twin, et al).  Every thought you have is original, either in its entirety or at least in its details.  You have creativity that you seldom allow yourself to use and strength that you don’t even know is there.  Your talents, the unique way(s) in which you interact with others, the love you have to offer and the way you help others is unique to only you.  You make a difference in the lives of others so why not make a difference in your own life?  

We are all guilty of this harsh infraction but I ask you…what will it take for us to praise ourselves in the way we deserve?  Not only is casting judgment a bad habit, but it also creates negative karma, which, unfortunately, I know all too well first hand.  I am working so very hard on eliminating this habit from my life in its entirety, as well as removing all of the judges as well.  I can tell you that in the short few months I have accomplished this feat, my life has changed exponentially for the better.  

As we age (if we are lucky) we begin to realize just how short life is and how wonderful it is to be alive…I mean really alive.  Society wants us to sleep through life and sit on a couch or lay in bed with our electronics, barely having any kind of a social life at all, but when we finally catch on, we realize how unique our lives are and how no one can truly live them but us and that we have this one chance.  That being the case, having this one chance, why would you not want it to be everything it could be for you?  Would you not like to live out your dreams?  You can, you know, and it takes little to no money to do so.  There are always ways if you do the research, to figure out how to do the things you want to do in life and how to get out of life the things you desire.  The first step is to praise yourself…your physical body, your attitude, your gifts and creative prowess in this world as well as your faith and spirituality.  This self-confidence will take you as far as you want to go.  Take stock of your surroundings.  Are you in a job, relationship or life situation that stresses you out?  Then these are the parts of your life you need to change…stress comes from frustration and/or unhappiness with a situation.  

I have decided that, going forward, I choose to see what is right with me, not what is wrong with me.  It is such a huge challenge to change a life in which we were taught negative behavior and thought patterns by the negative people in our lives because all of that teaching molded and shaped us into who we are today…but it is very possible…slow, but possible…long, but possible and, even though it can be a daunting experience, the rewards are beyond amazing.  If you look at the word "impossible," you will see the following short sentence: I m possible."  You become this person that sees the world and everything that happens in it so differently now that you know you can do and/or handle absolutely everything because you know you will be able to find the positive side of the situation, even it’s a hard one.  As a life coach, I believe this to be the largest area of change that people want and/or need to effectuate in order to move forward to obtain their goals.

The reason I titled this post, HOW FAT IS FAT, is because it is one of the most-addressed and negative issues in our society that leads to self-deprecation, and to draw your attention to the fact that we need to stop comparing ourselves against society’s standards of what is “acceptable” to others.  The only opinion of you that matters, is yours.  I hope that from now on, when you look in the mirror (and even when you don’t) you will ask yourself, “What is right with me?” and keep it positive.  I promise if you do, you will get everything you want out of life.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Friday, July 14, 2017

DON'T QUIT...

DON’T QUIT
Kimberly D Miller 07/15/2017

For twenty-four (24) years I have been a single mother.  No time however, seemed more challenging than when I was in my mid thirties struggling to work, pay bills, raise my son and fight the chemical depression that was to be my constant companion for the rest of my life.  It was during one of these challenging days that my mother handed me a laminated card the size of a playing card that read, “Don’t Quit.  When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, when the road you’re trudging seems all up hill…When the funds are low, and the debts are high, and you want to smile, but you have to sigh…When care is pressing you down a bit, rest if you must, but don’t you quit.  Life is queer with its twists and turns, as every one of us sometimes learns…And many a failure turn about, as you might have won had you stuck it out…Don’t give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed with another blow.  Success is failure turned inside out, the silver tint of the clouds of doubt…And you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems so far…So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit, it’s when things seem worse that you must not quit.”  It was on that day, the day I think my mother must have known deep down in her soul could have been my last, that she saved my life with this card quite literally, as it was the very day I had been contemplating suicide.  What was it about this card that meant so much as to turn my decision around?  Was it that the words on the card were just what I needed to hear?  Was it the mere gesture of receiving the card or a combination of both?  Who knows, but I choose all of the above.  My mother was nothing if not my rock, and this small gesture was tantamount to the giving, caring person she always was…she didn’t quit.  Even at the end she fought cancer with all she had and, although it won, she didn’t quit…ever.

          The line of this card that stands out to me is this, “Success is failure turned inside out, the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,” as it reminds me that our attitude toward things that happen in our lives dictates our “successes” and our “failures.”  Who is to say that the way we approach any and every situation one at a time is either a success or a failure?  Our friends?  Our families?  Our neighbors?  Strangers who stare?  Who is to say?  We are!!!

          If you begin to feel that a situation you are dealing with could be termed by your definition as a failure, then stop.  It’s time to redefine…time to turn this inside out as we remind ourselves that success is our only option.  Maybe the path we were on took a wrong turn, maybe the decisions weren’t quite right at that place in that time.  Maybe many other things could have been done or…maybe you only had to view the positive aspects, the things that went right, the little moments in which you filled yourself with pride…all of the little successes strung together to produce one big definition of success.  You might ask, “What if I didn’t get the results I wanted?  What if there were sad and angry outcomes created by this?  Again, it’s all in how you look at it because even if you didn’t get the results you wanted, maybe you got the results you needed at that point in time.  Maybe you got the results you were supposed to have in order to lead yourself down a better path somewhere in the future or maybe you didn’t get any results at all, but in any case…stop and adjust…find the good, find what did work out.  How can you change your thoughts into positive thoughts in this situation?  How can you tell yourself that this is a victory?  Turn any and all negatives inside out and stay in the moment…then forgive yourself for almost quitting…because you didn’t…you didn’t quit.  In time, you will understand how each and every situation plays a part in a future decision or path and how one really needs the other to happen in order to occur and by keeping it positive and finding the good, you make it easier to move forward with less regret and guilt…two words I try to eliminate from my vocabulary.

          Many years later, now in my mid fifties, a new friend recently handed me the same type of small, laminated card that read, “Chipp on my shoulder…Love.  Lord, please help me to begin each day with a big chip on my shoulder!  Compassion Humility Integrity, Patience, Peace.”

          My wish for you is that you never quit and that you begin each day with a chipp on your shoulder. J

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

A LION JUMPED IN FRONT OF MY CAR…

A LION JUMPED IN FRONT OF MY CAR…
© June 1, 2017

…but I sat there and waited it out, he left and I moved on with my day.  There’s no home safe enough, no relationship secure enough, no person sane enough, no situation perfect enough to escape change…and I should know as I have fought it every step of the way since the day I was blessed into this world.  We are our own worst enemy when it comes to fears and “what-if’s.”  Those of us with huge imaginations go one step further because if we run out of things to fear, we just make up stuff, and not even on purpose…lol…sad, but true.

What if a lion did jump in front of your car…what would you do?  If you think about it, there is no other choice but for it to work out.  If you stay in your car, it would realize it couldn’t get to you even if it wanted to and move on down the road, if it were even curious about you in the first place…you would then go on with your journey and that situation would have worked out just fine.  Worse case scenario, you end up sitting there for a long time, but you live and you move on.  We all let fear rule our lives and yet, if we realized at the time it is happening that there is no such thing as fear we would eliminate so much stress from our lives.  Every situation will work out…it has no other choice.  It may not always work out the way you want it to, but it will work out.  More often than not the fear of a situation is in the “what if…” and in these instances it helps to remember there is no “what if,” there is only…what is.

If you break it down slowly, as it happens, and cope with each part of it, the situation at hand will seem less fearful.  First deal with the why…ask why you are afraid in that moment?  Are you projecting into the future?  Are you basing fear on something that may happen simply because it has in the past or even because your mind tells you there is no other way?  How could you know?  If you are not a person who has the gift of E.S.P, then how could you possibly know the future? Answer these questions and you relieve the fear.  Practice this in every fear-based situation, and eventually you abolish irrational fear from your life.  Fight-or-flight (fear in dangerous and real situations) is a necessary thing for survival, but irrational fear is not.  It hinders way more than it could ever help. 

The key to success when making changes in your life is this…never let anyone force you into doing anything you don’t want to do at that time.  It takes time to eliminate fear…it takes time to effectuate change in any way, but it absolutely, positively must be done at your own pace…no one else’s.  It will work out…every time…have faith in yourself, you’re worth it.




Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

WHERE THE H%&# HAVE YOU BEEN?...


WHERE THE H%&# HAVE YOU BEEN?
May 21, 2017 - Kimberly D Miller

One of the toughest questions to answer on this planet and in this realm, at least for a lot of us, is..."Who am I?"  At birth we are the purest form of who we are, but then, as we grow and change, we become a product of our upbringing and our environments which can oft times be detrimental as it deters us from being who we are truly meant to be.  We end up making decisions based on who we think we are at the time, but if we are not being true to ourselves, we end up in situations that will cause us to be very unhappy at the core of our being due to those decisions not being right for whom we are truly meant to be.

At this point you may have a burning desire to pose the question, “Ok, then how do I find out who I really am?”  To that I answer, “Very carefully.”  You have to let it come to you…you have to listen and feel…then you have to trust those feelings and respond accordingly.  You know how sometimes you just know things…you don’t know how or why you know them, you just know them?  This is when you trust…this is when you heed your gut feeling and either move forward or veer from the path you are considering.  Some call this a leap of faith, but if you trust in what you are feeling, you aren’t leaping at all…just having faith.  Trust is a tough issue, but when you have trusted your gut for a long period of time and learned so many valuable lessons in doing so, it will become second nature for you to do so.  You will then increase the amount of times you listen and act on your gut feelings and your life will increase in positivity and happiness exponentially. 

Honesty is the other main ingredient.  Not only do you need to be gut-wrenchingly honest with others, you need to do the same with yourself.  Stop living your life to please other people because if you live against the grain of all things that make you truly happy, then you will find yourself at the end of your life with so many regrets.  People either accept you for who you are, or they don’t…it’s that simple.  Believe me, if they don’t, you are much better off without them in your life because they will only bring negativity and toxicity and at some point, you will start to believe them.  Search yourself long and hard before making decisions based on what other people have “advised” or passed judgment on.  You live your life for you, not for others.  Be honest with yourself about your strengths and your likes, and find things you love to do…places you love to be…and people who only add happiness, positivity and joy to your life and honor those feelings and choices as they are a part of the real you.


There is no more comfortable a skin to live in, than in the person you are truly meant to be.  Honesty, trust and faith are your stepping stones on the path to that reveal and in time, you will walk around a corner and find who you are meant to be standing right in front of you…it’s an amazing discovery and never a truer simpatico relationship exists. 

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

STUCK IN TIME...


 Do you ever feel like you’re the same inside?  Like no matter how hard you try to change and move forward...you just can’t?  That you keep making the same mistakes over and over even though your deepest desire is to get it right?  I call this…stuck in time (aka stuck in a moment).

Devastating moments, traumas and just plain horrible events occur in all of our lives, and if we don’t make peace with them and see them for what they are…lessons…then our psyches refuse to move on.  Our bodies and souls move forward, but not freely and not without great effort.  Your head, and therefore your heart, will become “stuck” in the moments you can’t forgive and you tend to remain that age until you can forgive.  Using myself as an example…I was raped at age 21 and for the next, approximate, 20 years that followed, I remained a hurt, angry and vindictive 21-year-old girl.  Everything I tried in life, failed…or so it seemed.  I was depressed and trusted no one, and therefore made one wrong decision on top of another, sabotaging every good thing that tried to make its way into my self-deprecating life.  Years later I learned how to finally deal with this event and knew that I could only ever move on if I were to forgive myself…that’s right…me, not him.  He will never be forgiven, but I needed to quit giving him and that event any more time and attention and focus on the real problem…my perception.  When I forgave myself for all of the illusive perceptions and self-blame…I could move on with my life and finally put it all behind me, even though I had created the illusion that I already had.  The forgiveness made it real.

What happens to you is only one percent of your life…how you perceive it and how you react to it and handle it, is the other 99 percent.  If you find yourself repeating the same self-deprecating behavior over and over and realize that you are stuck in time, search your soul and find the thing or things that hurt you, put your finger on it/them and address them head on until you can forgive yourself.  Journal, meditate, therapize, whatever works best for you, but make the end result complete and total forgiveness of self.  Love yourself that much and honor your life by living your dreams to their fullest…do that and all good things fall into place with ease.  Be happy…it’s extremely possible.




Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Friday, April 14, 2017

YOU GET WHAT YOU SETTLE FOR…



YOU GET WHAT YOU SETTLE FOR…

Truer words have never been spoken… “You get what you settle for”…period.  What we allow ourselves to have is what we have, and what we allow ourselves to be, is who we are.  This is another aspect in keeping with the theme of my last post.

Abundance is everywhere…it is the way of the world, but most of us are taught that life is hard and unforgiving and we have to scrimp and save and work for the things we want. Eventually our thoughts are very limiting and we become conditioned to believe that we will never have very much and that we aren’t really worth it. 

Everything we are and everything we have is energy based.  Energy attracts energy and is drawn to all other energy and, therefore abundance in all forms is all around us…we merely have to ask and it will manifest.  I have never seen more proof of this than I have lately.  I ask for things to happen…and they do.  I need something and, without any money involved, it comes to me.  The difference between then and now?  I believe…I believe I can have abundance…I believe I can and will have anything and everything I need.

Settling is a byproduct of fear and/or a lack of self-confidence and self-love.  It says to the universe, “I can’t do any better,” or “I’m tired of trying and this is all I can do,” and the universe answers back, “Okay, if you say so.”  The universe isn’t going to grant you anything you don’t ask for and believe without a doubt that you can have.  Everything will happen in its own time for the plan that is laid out for your life, and everything will always work out, but be careful of what you think about and wish for because you will attract to you even the things you do not want by giving them attention and energy.  Remain positive in your thoughts and your wants and desires and you can have all of these things and more.


Take stock of your life…look around and ask yourself if anything in your life is the way it is because you settled.  If the answer is yes, ask yourself what you are going to do about it.  Did you settle for a relationship?  If not, do you stay in one because you don’t believe you can have the person you truly desire?  Do you have the home you want, the career, the experiences you want?  Do you ultimately live the way that makes every fiber of your being deeply happy and satisfied?  If not, ask for the things you really want in your life, for the people and the situations and I guarantee that they will come to you.

My wish for you is that you have all you ever ask for.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

WHAT WOULD MR. SPOCK DO?…


If people were honest…I mean gut-wrenchinly honest with themselves, and they fully exercised this honesty/integrity when making decisions that affect the rest of their lives, the world would certainly be a much more positive place to live because it would consist of a greater percentage of truly happy people.  Unfortunately that is not the case.

I believe people who feel mean and frustrated and angry all the time, made life choices that were not true to what they really, really wanted at the time of the decision and ultimately, what they wanted out of life.  Sometimes they made decisions “for the good of everyone involved,” but it did not suit them well.  Sometimes they made decisions to please a spouse or partner,” but it did not serve them well.  Sometimes they made decisions “for the good of the child/children,” but that did not bring happiness to them.  Sometimes they made decisions because they “didn’t want to hurt the other person/people involved,” and that went south as well.  Even though a lot of the decisions we make affect others, ultimately, if they are not conducive to happiness within our hearts and souls, somewhere down the line they turn to dis-ease (hence the term “disease). 

There is a lot to be said for spontaneity, however who we are and what we actually want in and from life, requires not only thought and feeling, but honesty toward both.  Our thought process is influenced by how we feel at the time of the decision…what we see, what we hear and what we desire.  All of these factors weigh in on our ultimate choice, and that is as it should be, however, that being said…I now ask myself, “What would Mr. Spock do?”  Having been a child of the original Star Trek generation, I often envied Mr. Spock’s ability to find the logic in every situation.  True he sometimes missed out on love and lots of fun and frivolous things we humans enjoy, but in the end, Mr. Spock had a pretty great life, just being logical.  Do I think everyone should go through life relying on nothing but logic?  Absolutely not, but I do think that if we honored our deep wants and needs with honesty and profound integrity, and exercised logic in our decision-making, we would make decisions that granted us true happiness.  Examples that come to mind are a parents’ decision to stay together “for the good of the children.”  Yeah, I’m here to tell you that the fighting and tension between parents is not good for the children.  Both parties lead very unhappy lives for a very long time.  Another example might be wanting to be with someone because you know in your heart and soul it would make you happy beyond belief and that there is no question that this is the right person for you…that this person completes you, and then you stay in the situation you are in so you don’t “hurt” everyone else involved and you never know how amazingly happy and fulfilling life could have been.  Then there is fear, my least favorite “F” word.  At the base of both of the above examples lies fear.  In the first example it would be fear of losing time with the kids, fear of losing a relationship you thought was supposed to last, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being loved by any and all of the people involved and fear of loss.  In the second relationship, fear of hurting the people in your life (but if they were truly good for you in the first place they would understand), fear of not being liked by them anymore, fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown and ultimately a lack of faith in all things good and all things positive. 

When you find yourself approaching the end of your life, if you have regrets by all of the chances you didn’t take, the paths you didn’t follow, the people you passed by for things you didn’t actually want, wouldn’t you feel anger and regret and frustration?  The people you want to be with should be the people you are with.  The career you want to pursue, should be the career you are currently pursuing and the goals you have for your future, should be what you are setting your sights on.  Of course there are going to be people who will have to leave our lives as we make these changes because, let’s face it, getting to where we are in this moment in time involved bringing people into our lives based on decisions that weren’t made with honesty, but if any of these people, be it friends or family, are true to you and your relationship with them, won’t they ultimately want what is best for you?  Won’t they willingly move aside for your happiness?  If the answer to that question is no, then, for me at least, that would bring up an entire barrage of questions about what I was doing with this person and why I was in this situation and, whenever I have done this in the past, very large changes have occurred, each and every one of them for the better.  Coming out of the closet was a huge fear for me, but when I finally met it with honesty and trusted that everyone in my life would understand and would let me be me, they did on both counts.  Those that didn’t are not longer in my life and that is as it should be. 

The people I know who have happy family lives and happy careers are the people who honored what they wanted.  They fought for the love of their lives and they knew early on what career would make them happy and they fought for that.  They fought for a life they wanted and when you do that, you will win.


You only get this one chance so why screw it up with fear?  Be the person you want to be and have the life you WANT to have before it’s too late.  Weigh your decisions based on your ultimate happiness, with honesty, and above-all, with courage…after all, what would Mr. Spock do?


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

SOULEMETRY...

Soulemetry...an odd, yet accurately, amazing word.  What is Soulemetry?  Urban Dictionary.com describes it as follows:
"Soulemetry is when fate brings two completely diverse people together (straight or gay) and they throw out all they know about love and they fall in love with each other."  I first encountered this concept in my favorite, straight-woman-turns-lesbian movie entitled, "Elena Undone."  I was also fortunate enough to meet and have a brief love affair with my split-apart for a time... a beautiful and amazingly blessed time.  This movie was my life...with her.  I love her to this day and I wish we could be with one another, but alas it must not have been meant to be...but I digress.

How amazing would it be to stumble upon the one person in this life or any other, who completes you...right here and right now? Who understands and accepts every aspect of who you are?Indescribable.  Soulemetry is the realization that the person you WANT to be with is the person you MUST be with...the person who speaks to you through a level deeper than verbal communication...deeper than emotional and/or telepathic communication.  This is the person who gets you...from the very soul of who you are....and the one you can be with like no other...not on a level that constitutes the perfect and utter truth in your life.  

While we cannot always be with our split-aparts in this lifetime, whether we find them or not...we can find love for the moment...this moment in time.  The hard part, when you meet your other half, is living without her/him because everything will pale in comparison...I hope you are brave enough in this one lifetime to be honest with yourself and be with the one you share soulemetry with...I promise you you will never find it with another and everyone else will pale in comparison.



Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

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