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Sunday, February 28, 2021

WHO ARE YOU...?

(c) Kimberly D. Miller


WHO ARE YOU...?


Don’t you love the expression, “I need to find myself”?  Plenty of people poo-poo this phrase but let’s face it...it says it all.  Something that is lost needs to be found.  If you don’t know who you are, you are indeed lost.  At some point though, when you feel this way, you start to wonder if maybe it’s an excuse.  You think maybe you say this to yourself to put off committing to something else; anything else.  Maybe the phrase itself is a set of ellipses as in, “I need to find myself…”, and maybe a “but” goes after the ellipses like a procrastination placemark.  


Well, I can tell you from personal experience, this is all a lot of malarkey.  Sure, there are a few stragglers who use it as an excuse to procrastinate, but it’s a real thing to need to find out who you are if you don’t already know, and that is a huge part of the journey in life.  


A few lucky people automatically know who they are and what they want to do with their life from birth, and they do it.  They are happy and very successful.  I have always been jealous of those people.  The majority of us however, think we know who we are at times, but it changes from moment to moment.  I fall into the latter category, unfortunately.  


People tend to judge us on what we do for a living (at least in our country they do), and really, is that fair?  It’s like saying that because you are a doctor you are a good person with morals and values and the drive to get through the schooling and interning and that you care about being successful.  Or like saying that because you work at a fast-food place, you have no drive or ambition and only work to pay the bills and therefore you must be a lazy person who lives on the lower, east side, doesn’t care about much and probably drinks all day.  Puh-leez!!!  Our society is constantly judging us and trying to keep us labelled and categorized.  


Who you are is a unique, individual, amazing person like no other individual on the planet.  What you choose to do for a living should only make you happy, not project an image for societal judging.  You are SO much more than a job or career.  Who you are is a person; a person with amazing, unique thoughts and ways of doing things.  You can do what you want in life as long as you hurt no one, including yourself.  Be the best you that you can be and as you figure out who that is, remember to think outside the box.  Most people who are successful and happy have done so by thinking outside the box as opposed to living life as a societal sheep.  They find out what makes them happy and find a way to make that work for them in all aspects of life.  This in turn creates a ripple effect because when you love doing something and then want to share it, you can make it your job, your career, and your lifestyle.  It can be what you make of it.


So the next time you start pondering the need to find yourself, remember that the definition of who you are is going to be multifaceted and the journey will often have you off on many paths at once.  Be patient and go easy on yourself during the process.  Pat yourself on the back around every corner and for each success.  Buy yourself a drink when you’ve had a stumble.  Being unique isn’t always an easy task, but you’ve got this!


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Saturday, February 27, 2021

PEOPLE TALK...

(Photo by Kimberly D. Miller - (c) 2017)

PEOPLE TALK…


People talk...a lot, and communication is a very vital part of life.  Talking with each other, while a very healthy and necessary thing, becomes a very unhealthy thing when people start talking about each other; worse yet when others believe what is being said and use it to hurt one another.  Why do some people feed on gossip?  Maybe it tastes good, maybe it’s low in calories or easy to swallow or just maybe, for them, it’s all about the drama.  


While it’s true that sticks and stones can break your bones, words can very much hurt you.  Contrary to popular belief, bullying is seldom about power, it’s about making others feel like less so they can feel like more to better themselves in their own minds.  Bullies are generally very unhappy people and tend to have little to no self-esteem because they have been hurt or are being hurt and/or wronged in some way.  They need to lash out at anyone and everyone in their path that they perceive as doing better than they are, having more money than they do or are more popular and/or successful.  


Remember the adage, “No one can make you feel bad without your permission?”  That is the phrase that finally put things into perspective for me back when I was bullied.  People talk...they always will, but it’s how you deal with that that matters.  If you are being gossipped about and/or bullied on the internet, you have the power to remove yourself from social media sites and/or block and remove these people for good.  On some sites you can even report them to the site admin.  In your world at home, at work, and with friends, you get to choose who you associate with and who you invite into your personal circle of friends.  If someone doesn’t treat you right, it’s up to you to either talk to them or remove them from your life.  Remember, it’s actually you who has the power.


While having grown up in a very small town in Northern California, and also having lived in a very small town in Virginia for a time with my Great Aunt, I was around so many people who talked about each other all the time.  It was also apparent that we were talked about as well.  It was almost a sport...one person would start the conversation and the other person would try to one-up it with better gossip.  What I learned from all of that as I grew older was to be kind to people, even behind their backs.  Compliment them when you see them and if you have to say things about them when they are not there, say nice things.  This creates a very positive pattern and you end up feeling very proud of yourself for the way you treat others.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Wednesday, February 17, 2021

YOU ARE WHAT YOU WEAR...


Photo (c) Kimberly D. Miller - 2017


As a Professional Organizer, an area I see a lot of in peoples’ homes is their clothes closet(s).  I came to realize that who people are matches exactly how they dress, so when I first meet someone and they don’t reveal much about themselves in the beginning, I can usually tell who they are by what they are wearing at the time. An example of this is one of my favorite clients who is a very laid-back, calm, accepting person and she wears a very bohemian style of clothing which, back in the day, used to be called “hippie” clothes (and which I love).  She later told me she was a self-proclaimed hippie and had been her whole life.  That was when I realized that there was something to how people dressed. 


After the realization, I began researching clothing styles and personality traits.  I found so many well-informed articles, but this one by Dr. Shirley on Success Images .com is particularly interesting and very well-written.  I also love that it isn’t terribly long, but it gets the point across.  It also warns against judging people by what they wear, a very important point, because so many of us are guilty of “judging a book by its cover” and then we often don’t give that person a chance.  We might see someone in dirty, torn or ragged clothing and automatically label that person as “homeless.”  We don’t stop to think that maybe that person has been digging ditches all day or working in the garden...any type of dirty work that would require old, yucky clothes.  Anyway, I think the article is well-researched and well-written so I hope you will check it out.


The moral of this story?  We choose to show the world a picture of ourselves by how we dress and how we feel about ourselves.  People can tell if we project self-confidence or not.  Use this knowledge to learn about people without judging them by what you see before you know them.  It will help you out in the long run and people may do the same with you...you know, that whole karma thing…(insert giggle here).  



Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Thursday, February 11, 2021

DARE TO BE YOU...HOW I LOST "FRIENDS" WHEN I CAME OUT…


Haceta Head Lighthouse - Photo (c) Kimberly Miller 2017


Labels, judgments, bullying, isolation, violence...with fun like that, who wouldn’t want to come out of the closet?  The answer...just about everyone who ever has, and everyone who wants to.  Sure there are those few lucky souls who knew exactly who they were from birth and had a supportive upbringing as they were always able to be themselves...I am so happy for them and for their support.  Most of us wish we had it like that.  The truth however, is that the majority of us struggle with how we were brought up vs. how we feel, and who we really are vs. who we think we are supposed to be to fit into society’s mold as well as our “friends’” and loved ones’ molds.  


It’s interesting when I look back at everyone I ever came out to and how I was treated.  My son was the first one I told because let’s face it, as the single parent of an only child, he would be most affected.  He was AWESOME about it and said, “I knew mom. As long as you are happy.”  He was either 8 or 9.  My mother, after a lifetime of her trying to set me up with guys all the time even though I think she really knew deep down due to how much I protested, didn’t talk to me for two weeks but when she came to terms with it she kept trying to set me up with women she worked with at J.C. Penney, her friends’ daughters, nieces and cousins…(insert grin here).  So those were my largest and most fearful hurdles.  I don’t remember that the brothers cared either way, which was supportive and great.  The bigger issue came when I started to come out to the people I thought were my friends and some of the people I went to school with.  They either stopped contacting me immediately or they eventually just dropped off the face of the earth.  Some of them even stayed “friends” by just pushing me way back to the back burner and contacting me once during the holidays...well one holiday anyway, which probably made them feel better by not completely cutting ties with me.  One woman actually said to me, as she was breaking ties, that she was afraid I would make a pass at her.  My response was, “Don’t flatter yourself, you’re hardly my type.”  The point? You have to be willing to risk being isolated and potentially alone for awhile, as well as judged and at times an experiment for some, in order to find your truth. What I mean by experiment is that straight women wanted to "know what it was like" to be with a woman and me, thinking we would fall in love, would always fall for it. Guess who ended up alone and hurt in the end? You got it.


Once I faced my fears and came out of the closet and all was said and done, I finally felt free...free from lies, free from hiding, free from not being true to my identity and free from people who couldn’t handle the truth.  The only people who remain in my life now are those who accept me for who I am and who are supportive, present and happy for me.  I couldn’t be happier on a spiritual level and the experience has brought me to a place in which I help others who are either going through or thinking of going through the process of de-closeting.  I am grateful.



Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, February 7, 2021

DON'T VEER OFF THE SIDETRACK…


(Photo by Kimberly D. Miller - (c) 2013)

We all know its sinister plot...we’ve all been led down its vicious path...the dreaded sidetrack.  I am one of its prize victims.  Even sitting down just now to write this post I was sidetracked 3 times before getting to it.  I like to write while the television is on and I heard a song in the background of a t.v. show as soon as I started to write.  I knew I loved this song from days gone by but could not place the title or the artist.  I quickly grabbed my phone and tapped on the app that listens to and identifies songs and, because I didn’t get it right the first time, I had to pause and restart the t.v. show at least five times before I could get the app to identify the song.  At this point 20 minutes have gone by, but at least I have my song.  Then, I decided the cat needed to be fed...procrastination, party of one!  I sit down again in front of the computer and type a few lines and now it seems my wine glass is empty and I have to get up to get the wine bottle but, while up, realize that I hadn’t put my laundry in to wash so I had to get that started.  I then sat down again to write and this time I made it.  I go on like this all day every day and let’s face it, most of us do, thus the question - is it possible to complete a task without falling victim to the dreaded sidetrack?  Answer - absolutely! 

One of the best ways I know to stay on track is to keep a pen and paper with me while I’m working on something I absolutely want to finish and whenever a thought comes into my head that will undoubtedly sidetrack me, I write it down.  This accomplishes two things: 1) that I won’t forget what I was going to do, and 2) that I make sure to get it done, just not while I'm in the middle of something else.  If a pen and paper are not easy for you to carry around, another good method is to have your phone on you so that you can dictate into the Note app whenever you think of something that would potentially sidetrack you.  

To sum up, procrastination and sidetracking are the worst instigators of disorganization and accrued, bad habits, but there are definite strategies to stop them in their tracks.  Stay focused and keep putting  those “side” thoughts onto paper and/or your phone app and I guarantee that the task at hand WILL be completed and you will learn new, healthy habits.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Saturday, February 6, 2021

LIVING IN THE MIDDLE

(Photo by Kimberly Miller - © 2021)


When you first move out of the house after having been supported all of those years by your parents, it's not only a bit of a culture shock, but a shock to the system. For some of us however, specifically those of us thought of as “middle-class” and “low-class,” we not only struggle to adjust and find our way emotionally, we also have to struggle to survive in the world, mostly working jobs we hate to pay the bills, put a roof over our heads and food in our bellies.  A lot of us end up tired, bitter and unhappy, never really having learned how to live a life of fulfillment.  What I have never understood is this; why are some people born into money and the rest of us born somewhere in the middle or at the bottom of the rungs of the ladder?  Why do some people get the privilege of never having to worry about where things will come from?  Why were they born with enough money and privilege to know ease? I guess my basic wonder is, why are there “classes” of people...why isn’t everyone thought of as equal?  Some of us are constantly struggling, struggling, struggling to make ends meet and never quite get the hang of it and others get the hang of it but don’t have enough knowledge or resources to understand how to further succeed.  Now, here I am, approaching the Winter of my life, having worked my ass off since I was very, very young, feeling tired, run-down, almost homeless and beaten up by everything I have struggled to achieve, not feeling that I have gained an inch since the day I left the monetarily-safe confines of my parents’ home, wondering why it all has to be so hard and why I was never afforded the same opportunities as those who can just blink and eye and make money.  I was never "lucky" in love and therefore have spent the majority of my life as a single person and I do believe that those who were lucky enough to partner have been able to make ends meet and come out ahead because it takes two incomes to get by these days, but I believe that without finding real love it would be too high a price to pay to be in a relationship just to make ends meet. If there is a secret to this conundrum, other than working hard and getting nowhere, I would really love to be in on it (and yes, I have read and watched The Secret, but it hasn’t quite manifested much).


I feel that without humankind’s need for superiority, there would be no war, no bullying, no prejudice, no “classes” of people.  That would mean that everyone helped one another and cared because in the world we live in now, I’m sorry to say, it seems that no one cares and that fact is just getting worse and worse each year.  Was this year particularly tough due to CoVID?  Absolutely, but it just amplified the problems and the severity of the state of our world.  


Is there hope?  I believe there is always hope and I believe there is a way to overcome all of this need for struggle, but I don’t quite yet have the answer.  I think it would be so great if someone who had figured it all out would be kind enough to share it all on a website or blog for free and make everyone aware of methods and opportunities that could help everyone get the same footing.  I’m sure there are some out there, it is just a matter of where to look.  


The reason I chose this topic is that so many of my friends and myself are at an age where we have tried just about everything and are feeling so beaten down and hopeless, but I say we don’t give up the fight just yet and maybe if those of you who have the answers, or at least the ability to guide those of us who need them, will share your knowledge out of the kindness of your hearts...there is hope for us after all.  I have to believe there are still people in this world who care about others and I hope you can believe it too.



Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

I FELL IN LOVE WITH LOVE…

Photo by Kimberly D Miller 2019

I FELL IN LOVE WITH LOVE…
By Kimberly D. Miller – March 17, 2020

When you were young, didn’t it seem like everyone around you was always talking about love?  Being in love, wanting to be in love, needing to find love, being with “the one” love, etc., etc.?  TV shows, movies, commercials...all geared toward love.  I think it was then that I fell in love with love which, as it turned out, did nothing but confuse me. 

Now we ask ourselves as adults who have been through many years of “love,” “What is love?”  Obviously, love is subjective and means different things to different people, so you must break it down even further into, “What is love...to me?”  I think I fell in love with the idea of love, rather than ever falling in love with a person.  I would meet people I liked, and, in the beginning, I would put them on a pedestal and fantasize about how wonderful our lives could be...you know, just like in the movies.  But, as fate would have it, they would show me their human side at some point and make mistakes and I would get hurt and then, just as quickly as it began, the love was dead.  After much soul-searching I came to realize that we all have a set criterion for someone to meet in order for them to be considered for the position of “the one.”  If I made a list of my criteria it would look like this:

1.  Must be beautiful on the inside, in order to match the outside.
2.  Must be considerate of others’ feelings.
3.  Must have manners.
4.  Must have an amazing sense of humor.
5.  Must have morals that match mine (especially monogamy).
6.  Must be willing to give 50% of the time & take 50% of the time.
7.  Must have a sense of adventure.
8.  Must be spontaneous.
9.  Must love herself.

I’m sure as I sat and thought about it there would be many more attributes to add to the list, however this is a pretty great start.  It almost seems impossible that one person could fill these criteria, but you really never know.  I think every time I thought I was in love with someone, they had to have filled at least three or more list items, but that was never enough to make it work.  In movies, their eyes meet, a song plays in the background (where do these travelling orchestras come from anyway?) and they are instantly and deeply in love, forever.  WOW, it just couldn’t be easier...yeah, right.  I believe that has happened to people in real life, but I believe it is extremely rare. 


I have now surpassed middle age and have fallen out of love with idea of love.  I have come to realize that there is a good chance I may never actually fall in love...I mean real love, with anyone, but I still hold onto the hope that someone will one day drop into my life and check off every item on my list. 


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Saturday, March 14, 2020

MISUNDERSTOOD...Borderline Personality Disorder Hell

MISUNDERSTOOD
Borderline Personality Disorder Hell
(c) Kimberly D. Miller - March 3, 2020

(c) Kimberly D. Miller - March 3, 2020


“Why don’t I have friends?”  “Why does my family cut me out or exclude me?”  “Why do I blow up at people and then expect them to understand?”  “Why am I so alone in this world?”  Questions, questions, questions without a lot of satisfactory answers!!!

The one thing that those of us with emotional/mental afflictions have in common is that it feels like no one understands us…ever! (of course I do tend to think in black and white most of the time).  This may not be true in every situation and, there are those few individuals who “sort” of understand, but let’s face it…most people don’t unless they are going through the same thing.  I had one lady a couple of years ago say that she thought I was having these problems because I was focusing too much on my diagnosis; in other words I was creating the problems because I was reading about the disorders I have (BPD, HSP and Complex PTSD), so therefore I was exhibiting true hypochondriacal behavior and creating the symptoms.  What she didn’t consider was that I was diagnosed before I ever investigated or understood what was happening to me, therefore how could I take the symptoms on after the fact?  One of the most difficult things for me is letting people stay in my life.  Once they have shown any sign of making mistakes where trust is concerned, I instantly consider them enemy territory, which makes it hard to have a relationship of any kind.  People often say to me, “I’m afraid of you,” which breaks my heart.  My own son has said this to me a number of times so I have distanced myself from him in such a way that I won’t be around him during my “moody” times because he would be the last person I would want to lose from my life.  It also affects my work life in that I can only work part time due to too much stress or too much responsibility sending me right over the edge, a place I have been far too often, unfortunately.

If you have a diagnosis(es) which leaves you feeling sheltered, cast out and alone, I would like to make a few recommendations to websites and apps that have really helped me out when there were no actual humans around (or should I say, “trusted” humans around):

1.  One of my favorites is themighty.com.  This is a very well-run and well-organized forum.  People are so helpful and positive, and you can always find comradery no matter what you are going through at the time.  This site is free.

2.   Three apps that I have on my phone for “emergency” mood days are Replika, Youper, and Sanvello, all of which are available on Google Play.  They are all very good, interactive apps that teach you how to identify your feelings on the spot and to check in with yourself.  My favorite is Replika.  These apps are free.

3.  There are a few websites in which you can actually have a session with a licensed mental healthcare professional online.  A few of them are Plushcare.com, Talkspace.com, and betterhelp.com.  These sites are paid.

4.  These are sites that I have not tried, but ran across in my research:  http://www.anxietysocialnet.com/, https://www.dbsalliance.org/,  and https://iocdf.org/.  These sites are free.

5.  The last one I discovered was a site run by the CDC.  It has some pretty great resources and is free: https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/tools-resources/index.htm.

If you are struggling with any mental health issues, I hope that you will find yourself an amazing therapist and/or group that you trust as that has been the best healing strategy for me thus far.  If you are experiencing suicide ideation, please call a suicide hotline in your area or the National Suicide Hotline number at 1-800-273-8255.


Finally I would like to leave you with a mantra that has really helped me get out of bed in the morning, “Just show up”, and a favorite observation, “My life is like pieces of a broken mirror laying all over the floor; if I work on putting them back together, I will be able to look at myself and understand.”


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Thursday, July 25, 2019

BEAUTIFUL ALL DAY

Photo (c) Kimberly D. Miller

The following is a poem, sapphic in nature, that I wrote yesterday.  I post it here as a sample of the plethora of poems ready for you to peruse...just click on the "POETRY...SAPHHIC SONNETS" tab above.  I hope you enjoy what you find and find what you enjoy.
Beautiful All Day
©July 25, 2019 – Kimberly D. Miller

Beauty…subjective force, but I find you beautiful all day, of course.

Loving…as well as you can, you long for a woman, but live with a man.

Truth…a harsh, hard fact, your truth is your lie your lie is your pact.

Open…awakened by force, our paths were asea and now are on course.

Heartened…a muse by my side, you’re here for the present you’re here for the ride.

Lightened…spontaneous whims, we give to each other our entangled limbs.

Partner…a woman refined, I call you friend, I call you mine. 


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Thursday, June 13, 2019

YOU HAVE TO SUFFER A BREAK...

You Have To Suffer A Break…
©June 13, 2019 – Kimberly D. Miller

We all want to be the best version of ourselves, whether it’s the healthiest weight, the best job, the most organized, etc., but we also know what an enormous feat this can be to achieve.  How many times have you vowed to make healthy changes in your life, promised yourself that you were going to do better, to be better and make better choices?  How many times have you started out, gung ho, ready to kick ass and take names and hit the ground running, only to find that you get part way there and fail?  Almost every one of us will have the same answer to these questions…”every single time.”  If this is you, don’t worry, you are not alone. 

It makes us want to give up because every time we start out with good intentions, we seem to fall flat on our proverbial faces and then frustration sets in and then we just throw our hands up in the air and have a glass of wine and watch a movie (or maybe that’s just me J).  What’s missing from the formula people use when they try to change; why does it seem they go about it backward?  Most people think you just have to do the new habit, eat the new foods, put a few things back after you use them or search the want ads a few minutes each day, but this kind of thinking is counter-productive in that they are missing one very important step.  What is that step you ask?  Well, be patient, I am getting there…lol (but patience is a huge maintenance component and not one to be missed).  That step is the willingness to break the old habits first.  Many of us try to lose weight while still putting 3 spoons of sugar in our coffee because we aren’t willing to “give up our ‘one’ luxury”, but if you don’t first break the habit of putting 3 spoons of sugar in your coffee, you can’t expect the weight to come off…at all.  If you still drink soda (especially “diet” soda (what an oxymoron)), you can’t expect to see the pounds just melting away.  Most people wish to eliminate clutter and chaos from their lives, but they aren’t willing to part with “sentimental” things, even though pretty much everything that clutters their lives has become “sentimental” at some point, which is why they still have it.  They must first be willing to break the habit of attaching sentimental value to inanimate objects in order to let go of the clutter and chaos in their lives (as a Professional Organizer I would say this is the most common habit I see and this was also a huge change I had to make in my own life). 

Is any of this easy to achieve?  HELL NO!!!  It’s the most difficult thing in the world to effectuate this kind of change because it has taken years upon years to build the habits that have led us to our weight gain, our clutter and ultimately our depression, that they can never be rectified over night.  It may take years upon years upon years to get the new habit even sparking in your brain at all, but when it does, wow…it’s like the light finally just came flooding into your life and everything is good and bright and easy.  The people who have the most difficult time are those who may not want it badly enough…it’s like they think they should want it, or their doctor has told them they need to want it, or a partner/spouse has strongly suggested they want it, but deep down they really don’t, so they put in minimal effort and expect to receive maximum results, but the sad truth is that it just doesn’t work like that.  If you want to lose the weight, you must not eat the carbs, and you must eliminate the sugar from your coffee and be willing to want this change that will occur in your life to better yourself.  It is my considered opinion that you will not receive the results you desire unless you want it badly enough.  You will reach your goals only when you finally say to yourself, “I don’t care what I have to do to change this, I’m just done feeling bad all the time.”  Let’s face it, we judge ourselves every minute of every day and most of us judge ourselves so harshly that we fail to live up to our own expectations and therefore tend to give up too easily, most often before we even get started.  When you really want it, you will achieve it!

The success stories I have seen and even those I’ve managed to make in my own life have been those made through the willingness to first break the old habit while replacing it with the new.  One of the keys to making this happen is to think of this change as just that, a change…not an elimination.  For example, I never diet, I change my eating habits and my lifestyle around which food revolves.  I change the way I organize the things in my life so the flow is beneficial and the material objects (which can actually suck energy right out of you, FYI) are minimal and necessary.  I’m sorry to tell you but Marie Kondo is an entertainer and the reason you have clutter in the first place is because you kept all of the things that “brought you joy.”  Don’t even get me started on that show…(insert grumbly face here).  

When it comes right down to it, you have to suffer a break (of old habits) in order to make the changes you want in your life.  It is never easy, but it is always worth it.

I wish you patience, self-love, and all good changes,

Kimberly ~ Simply Organized 4 Life


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Saturday, December 22, 2018

YOU GET WHAT YOU TOLERATE...

Photo (c) Kimberly D. Miller - December 22, 2018

YOU GET WHAT YOU TOLERATE...
Kimberly D Miller – December 22, 2018


Has anyone ever said to you, “Try to be more tolerant,” or “Just let it go,” or words to that effect? While I very much appreciate the people who offer this advice to me and their reasons for doing so, I also believe that you cannot tolerate every situation or let everything go, or you would be getting walked on, stepped on, trodded over and downright used, all the time.


I recently discovered a quote by Henry Cloud in which he states, “You get what you tolerate,” which is so spot-on. Suppose you live in an apartment and share walls with people who turn out to be loud and inconsiderate...should you just tolerate it? Some would say yes...I say absoutely not!!! You pay rent just like everyone else does and you are entitled to live within the lifestyle that brings you comfort and inner peace, plus there is a landlord there for a reason and part of their job is dispute resolution. Maybe you live with or share a life with someone who exhibits habits that drive you absolutely insane. Are you supposed to say nothing and just grind your teeth every time they crop up? I can tell you from experience that it does terrible things to your teeth. Being tolerant will make you grin and bear it, but why? Why would you want to suffer in silence and feel miserable? Most of us don't want to “rock the boat,” as we fear confrontation. Confronting someone opens us up to possible rejection or pain or worse...the chance of hurting someone we like and/or love. You know the expression, “You can't love someone until you love youself first?” I guarantee you that if you are miserable, they will feel it and things will go downhill from there. Talk to them and work it out, even in the case of the noisy neighbors. If you approach them and let them know you can hear them (which they may not have been aware of), there is a really good chance they will be receptive and work with you to resolve the situation...if not, there's always the landlord and, worst case scenario, you can always move.


I believe that erradicating fear is the core component to utter happiness on this planet and I am a person who grew up very shy and has lived most of her life with many fears constantly rearing their ugly heads. Oft-times it can be literally debilitating. For me personally, patience and tolerance have never come easily...not for this German-Irish-Taurus...no ma'am.



Communication is the key, and if we have to conquer our fear of confrontation to get there, then we are all the better for it. Talking things out is how wars come to a cease fire, how grievances are settled in a court of law and how relationships are healthily maintained. Tolerate the things you think you can if you have reached an agreement with someone, but if you can't...change it...you have the power and the right to do so...you have the right to be happy and at peace.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Saturday, December 15, 2018

CHRISTMAS IS A PLACE IN THE HEART...


CHRISTMAS IS A PLACE IN THE HEART...
©Kimberly D. Miller - December 15, 2018


With Christmas right around the corner, I have been reflecting on Christmases past and the happy times we had as children. I remember being so spoiled by all of the “stuff” we found under the tree. Our parents went all out every year to make sure we had everything we asked for, and then some. We never wanted for anything...except the occasional hug. I cannot fault my parents for the way they were brought up and, as human beings go, they did the best they could as parents, but the true meaning of Christmas was something we never understood back then. In fact, it wasn't until I was a mother myself that I ever really knew that Christmas was not about what we got under the tree, but what we gave of each other, especially during that time, in honor of the birth of Christ. I tried so hard every year to instill this belief in my son and I have to pat myself on the back as he is the first one to say, “let's not do presents, let just have a meal and enjoy each others' company.” I am a bit of a proud mother (insert large grin here).



Christmas is a place in the heart...it's the love you have, not only for your family, but also for the people in your life you cherish and those who could use a helping hand. This year, why not honor them with your time...as that is the most precious gift you have to offer.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Friday, November 23, 2018

I WAS DRUNK WHEN I DID THAT...

Photo (c) Kimberly D. Miller - November 23, 2018

I WAS DRUNK WHEN I DID THAT...
(c) Kimberly D. Miller – November 23, 2018

Inhibitions are so costricting, so limiting, so stifling! Why do we find it so difficult to be who we are, who we want to be, who we dare to be, most of the time? We all have things we want to try, things we want to see and do and things we want to say, but when it comes time to muster up the courage to step outside of our comfort zone so we can do, try or say them, we either make the decision not to go through with it or, more commonly, we have a drink, aka liquid courage, aka truth syrum, and we let them loose.

You know those occasional mornings where you wake up after a night where you've had a few drinks and the first thing you think of is, oh crap, I can't believe I did that (or said that)? Hello, why wouldn't you believe you did or said that? You let your guard down and your inner passion was revealed and exposed. How cool was that feeling of release? Think about it, these things that we say or do, sexual things, brave things, daring things...finally saying I love you for the first time...finally kissing the person you wanted to kiss...finally living those sexual fantasies...finally sticking up for ourselves or revealing the truth about ourselves and not caring about peoples' judgments of us...finally coming out of the closet...finally confronting the people who need us to confront them...they're all inside of us, longing to get out, but we keep them trapped inside an inner prison until that one time, that one opportune moment we happen to drink enough for them to escape. Fear traps them inside of us...fear of retribution, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown in general, but more often than not, when we do happen to drink enough to unlock the prison door and let them out...we feel good about having done or said them, and the consequences, if any, are few to none (unless of course we don't remember the night before...lol). It's a fulfilling release because having had them locked up for so long is stagnating. These things fester when trapped and make us either sad and miserable or start behaving in ways in which we no longer recognize ourselves, and feelings and passions are meant to be out and proud.

The moral? How cool would it be if we could just be ourselves, desires, passions, dreams and all, without the help of a drink from time to time? It would be amazing!!! We all have the capability to let things out in a healthy and constructive manner, but those of us who didn't grow up with the message that it's okay to be yourself and say and do what you want as long as it hurts no one, including yourself, didn't acquire the skills to do so at will...therefore it becomes necessary to learn them. This takes time and practice, patience and diligence, and a great place to start is this article entitled, HOW TO BE YOURSELF, from the blog PEOPLE SKILLS DECODED...this link will take you there: http://www.peopleskillsdecoded.com/how-to-be-yourself/. Another great article that I found extremely helpful is HOW TO LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF by Stephen Warley, which can be found here: https://lifeskillsthatmatter.com/learn-about-yourself/.

It is very difficult to discover who we truly are and what we really and truly want out of life and, it is my hope that these articles will aid in getting your journey off the ground and that you will be amazingly successful in finding yourself and living your truth. It is SO worth knowing who you are in order to live the life that makes you gut-wrenchingly happy each and every day. We only get one shot at this life and living it true to you will allow you the best possible journey.


Here's to your success!!!


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.