Haceta Head Lighthouse - Photo (c) Kimberly Miller 2017
Labels, judgments, bullying, isolation, violence...with fun like that, who wouldn’t want to come out of the closet? The answer...just about everyone who ever has, and everyone who wants to. Sure there are those few lucky souls who knew exactly who they were from birth and had a supportive upbringing as they were always able to be themselves...I am so happy for them and for their support. Most of us wish we had it like that. The truth however, is that the majority of us struggle with how we were brought up vs. how we feel, and who we really are vs. who we think we are supposed to be to fit into society’s mold as well as our “friends’” and loved ones’ molds.
It’s interesting when I look back at everyone I ever came out to and how I was treated. My son was the first one I told because let’s face it, as the single parent of an only child, he would be most affected. He was AWESOME about it and said, “I knew mom. As long as you are happy.” He was either 8 or 9. My mother, after a lifetime of her trying to set me up with guys all the time even though I think she really knew deep down due to how much I protested, didn’t talk to me for two weeks but when she came to terms with it she kept trying to set me up with women she worked with at J.C. Penney, her friends’ daughters, nieces and cousins…(insert grin here). So those were my largest and most fearful hurdles. I don’t remember that the brothers cared either way, which was supportive and great. The bigger issue came when I started to come out to the people I thought were my friends and some of the people I went to school with. They either stopped contacting me immediately or they eventually just dropped off the face of the earth. Some of them even stayed “friends” by just pushing me way back to the back burner and contacting me once during the holidays...well one holiday anyway, which probably made them feel better by not completely cutting ties with me. One woman actually said to me, as she was breaking ties, that she was afraid I would make a pass at her. My response was, “Don’t flatter yourself, you’re hardly my type.” The point? You have to be willing to risk being isolated and potentially alone for awhile, as well as judged and at times an experiment for some, in order to find your truth. What I mean by experiment is that straight women wanted to "know what it was like" to be with a woman and me, thinking we would fall in love, would always fall for it. Guess who ended up alone and hurt in the end? You got it.
Once I faced my fears and came out of the closet and all was said and done, I finally felt free...free from lies, free from hiding, free from not being true to my identity and free from people who couldn’t handle the truth. The only people who remain in my life now are those who accept me for who I am and who are supportive, present and happy for me. I couldn’t be happier on a spiritual level and the experience has brought me to a place in which I help others who are either going through or thinking of going through the process of de-closeting. I am grateful.
1 comment:
You are such a strong woman. The people who turned away or broke ties lost a great friend. I'm so blessed to have met you and work with you. (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤
Post a Comment