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Sunday, August 14, 2016

I CAN ALWAYS PEE...

A few months ago I had the amazing blessing of reconnecting with my best friend in California and we shared a room in a B and B where we laughed, ate, drank and caught up with lost years.  One night we got on this conversation about how, since we have hit our 50's, that we can always pee...almost at will...at any given time...like a dog does when he marks his territory.  We laughed so hard...and then she went and peed...lmao.  Of course all of that laughing made me pee a little in my pants...damn lack of bladder control.

When I got home I began to notice all of these "signs" of aging, most of them less than subtle.  Let's start with the top half...I mean of course you are going to expect some wrinkling around the mouth and eyes...but that thing with the turkey neck is truly unnerving.  I looked in the mirror one morning as I was about to get ready for work and I turned my head to the side while my peripheral vision still caught the mirror and lo and behold...there it was...loose, wrinkly skin...not a lot mind you, but enough to freak me out.  I thought about it all day...questions ran through my head like where did it come from...did my body get tired of storing fat in my stomach and start putting it in my neck?  It was odd.  I now find myself doing strange exercises that I looked up on the internet while I'm driving up and down the coast during work...I make the lizard face and look up and down while making a chewing motion.  I get the oddest looks from oncoming traffic...it's really funny.   Also, suddenly, my cheeks are beginning to sag a little and I'm noticing jowls...really?...jowls?  I thought only animals had those...OMG I'm morphing into an animal...Jowl is a really weird word...say it a few times to yourself...it sounds like a cut of meat at the butcher store...Um, yeah I'd like a pound of jowls to put in my stir fry please...what?!

I grew up hearing the phrase, "grow old gracefully," but no one tells you what is going to happen to your body while your'e trying to be so graceful about it...I mean, they don't tell you that your entire face is going to sink or that your breasts will end up hitting your knees when you walk.  Also, suddenly I have a queer fondness for fiber...I find myself craving regular bowel movements and adjusting my diet...not to lose weight, but to make sure I stay regular...incorporating things into my diet for just that purpose alone.  And what is with losing your short term memory...I ask you, what is with losing your short term memory?  Oh damn, see what I mean?  I feel like I have so much brain fog I should come with my own lighthouse.  

I write this post mainly as a joke and to point out that yes, life can hand you lemons, but make sure to squeeze them and make a nice dessert, if not the proverbial lemonade.  If you turn all of these things around to the "glass half empty" outlook,  you can always say that at least you now know how to keep yourself regular and...you can always pee. 

Smile and enjoy every minute of every day.  Life...is...good (at all ages).



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