Ever wonder why your life isn't all that you want it to be? Why you don't have millions of dollars or why you aren't in the relationship you would like to be in or why you aren't as happy as you would like to be? The answer? Because deep inside, you don't believe you deserve it.
It sounds almost absurd that some of us don't think we deserve all the love, abundance and happiness that is out there for us to take. I have talked with a lot of people on this subject matter and found that the reasons vary from feelings that if they were to have everything they wanted in their lives they would be bored and would not have any more “drama” or excitement in their lives, to feelings that they are not worthy of having everything they want, and a plethora of reasons in between.
I would like to say this first...you DO deserve to have everything you want and you can find excitement in life when you are ecstatically happy and positive. As a matter of fact, the excitement you find when everything is going your way is 100% better than the excitement or “drama” you find (create) when you are not. Is it tough to let wonderful things into your life if you are not used to having them? Absolutely, in the beginning it feels almost unnatural, but it is very possible. It is a learned behavior. You have to know that it is possible, whatever you want to do or be or have. You have to believe that it can be and will be yours. You have to practice every day, letting good and wonderful things into your life and never miss a day. No matter how big or how small that wonderful thing is, you have to let it in every day. Think about what you have to gain in the situation, not what you have to lose, for loss only makes room for an abundance of gain. For example, when I put myself on a healthy diet, not to lose weight as that will happen naturally as I gain good health, I think not of the pizza I am giving up but of the healthy body I am gaining and my favorite salad dressing I am going to get to eat on my favorite salad...of the energy I will have, the new creations I will make with healthy ingredients and the feeling of well-being I get when I am healthy all over. I also tell myself that it isn't that I can never eat pizza again, rather that I can have a slice of pizza down the line when I have achieved my healthy goal and by then, I know I will not want but one slice of pizza, if that.
I came across an article by Kathy Kruger at Tiny Buddha and one by Elite Daily.com who both published lists of things to let into your life and things to push out of your life and I wanted to share with you what I feel were the most applicable goals and the goals that work for me (slowly but surely):
Let in awareness.
Use your senses to really appreciate all that is around you. Nature has so much joy to give us on a daily basis if we will stop to watch, listen, touch, taste, and smell. The gift of this awareness is that we stop worrying so much. It is the gift of the present.
Let in love.
Love and accept yourself as you are so that you are open to receiving love. Sure, you might want to lose weight or be more positive or more confident, but you are worthy. You don’t need to prove anything to approve of yourself. Letting in love makes you lovable.
Let in compassion.
Don’t be too busy feeling sorry for yourself (or judging yourself) to make room for others’ comfort. Don’t be too stoic to accept help. Don’t beat yourself up, thinking that you have to pull yourself out of your own mess or that you must do the hard yards alone.
Let in forgiveness.
Allow yourself to be forgiven by others, and most importantly, allow yourself to forgive your own mistakes. You are only human.
Let in laughter.
It will lighten the mood.
Let in joy.
Love and joy are gifts we all deserve.
Let in gratitude.
Allow people to be grateful for what you do. Don’t dismiss what you do as “nothing.” Count your kindnesses, and allow yourself to feel good about it.
Let in silence.
Be prepared to sit with yourself and meditate on your own lovability rather than focusing on the things about yourself you’d like to change.
Let in serendipity.
Be alert for things that happen out of the blue, even if at first they appear negative. Serendipity is good fortune that can come disguised as a lesson. Receive it as a blessing.
Let in pain.
It sounds strange when you feel like you have enough pain inside you, or when you busy trying to get rid of it in order to be stronger and braver. But opening yourself up to the risk of being hurt allows you to realize that you are capable of handling the pain you already have.And, the more pain you let yourself feel, the more you can alchemise into gain.
Get Rid Of Needing The Approval Of OthersWho gives a sh*t what other people think? If you are happy with the decisions you have made, then whose business is that but your own? Think of how much you could achieve if you stopped letting other people’s opinions dictate the way you live your life. Be you and engage in whatever actions you think might better your life.
Get Rid Of Anger/ResentmentAnger will eat at you from the inside. Learn how to make peace with those who have wronged you. This isn’t about letting the other person off the hook; it’s about alleviating the pain that resonates within you. Keep in mind that he who angers you, controls you.
“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.”
Get Rid Of Negative Body ImageThere is only one person’s opinion you should be concerned with when it comes to your body and that is you. No one person determines what the “correct” body type is. If you are comfortable in your own skin, and you are healthy, then that should be the only thing that matters. Do not let others tell you that you’re not beautiful because if you believe you are, then you are.
Get Rid Of The Idea That There is A Perfect LifeThere is no perfect life. Life is what you put into it, so if you are not willing to work hard and put forth the effort to make it positive, you will most likely end up miserable. The choices you make will directly reflect the life you lead. It is up to you to create the best possible world for yourself.
Get Rid Of The Idea That Good Fortune Will Arrive At Your DoorstepYou need to go out into the world and actively look for fulfillment. You cannot take a backseat in life and expect things to happen for you. Appreciate the life you live, and be grateful for what you have. Value each minute of every day. Live like there’s no tomorrow, and make the most out of any situation.
Get Rid Of ExcusesMake no time for excuses. You want to work out, but you don’t have the time? Wake up early and get your gym on. Excuses are only rationalizations that make you feel better about yourself for not doing something you want/need to be doing. You desire results? Stop bitching, and start doing.
Get Rid Of Thoughts Of Your ExThis person is your ex for a reason. If you are going to think of him or her at all, try and think only about the lessons the experience taught you. Do not linger on any old feelings, as this will only prevent you from being happy with someone else in the future.
Get Rid Of Thinking You Can't Be WrongI know it’s hard to admit, but sometimes you are just wrong. Other people have just as much capability as you do in providing the correct answer, so stop being stubborn and just embrace it. The less stubborn you act, the more open you are to learning new things. Think of all you could be exposed to if you stopped believing in opinions other than your own.
Get Rid Of ProcrastinationStop thinking you will finally get to whatever task is at hand tomorrow. Live in the present, and get your sh*t done when it needs to be done. Maximize your time to the best of your ability. Complete each task you need to as soon as you can. This allows you to feel free by getting things out of the way as soon as possible. You also allow yourself more free time to enjoy the things you love.
Get Rid Of Your BaggageWe have all been hurt one time or another by someone we loved, or we thought we loved. Carrying negative feelings into future relationships will only prove to be disastrous. No two people are the same, so it’s unfair to hold a future partner to a standard set by an ex. Try to begin each new relationship with a clean slate.
Get Rid Of NegativityWhat you put out into the universe will come back to you, so change the way you think, immediately. Stop thinking of life as a glass half empty, but rather, half full. You have so much to be grateful for, if only you took a moment to appreciate it. Anything is possible in the mind of a positive thinker.
Get Rid Of Judgmental ThoughtsWhy do people feel the need to constantly worry about what is going on in other people’s lives? If we spent as much time worrying about our own behaviors as we do worrying about those of others, our lives would be a whole lot more meaningful. You have no idea what is going on in another person’s life, so who are you to pass judgment on the way they act or think or look? It is none of your business.
Get Rid Of JealousyHappiness is not having what you want; it’s wanting what you have. Stop envying others and learn to appreciate what you have. Everyone’s life is unique; you have certain things to offer that others cannot. When we act in a jealous manner, all we do is bring negative feelings into our lives. There is absolutely nothing to gain from behaving this way.
Get Rid Of InsecurityHappy people tend to have extremely high levels of self-esteem. They accept who they are and work it everyday of their lives. They radiate confidence, flaunt their pride and give off positive vibes. There is no reason to be insecure in life. If there are things you are self-conscious about, go out into the world and seek to change them. Only you have the ability to create the best version of yourself.
Get Rid Of Depending On Others For HappinessAt the end of the day, the only person you can count on 100 percent of the time is yourself. Do not make the unfortunate mistake many people do and put your happiness in the hands of others. A relationship is not going to fulfill the void if you can’t even make yourself happy. You need to achieve happiness on your own before you can find someone else to share it with. This creates a detrimental dependency that will prevent you from becoming self-sufficient.
Get Rid Of Living In The PastStop living in the past! There is virtually nothing you can gain if you wallow in mistakes you have previously made. Take past mistakes as lessons learned, and move forward. You cannot wholeheartedly move on to a better future if you are constantly looking behind you. Things happened, and that’s that. Move on.
Get Rid Of The Need For ControlSometimes you just need to let life happen the way it is meant to. You cannot spend your life stressing about things that are outside of your control. Try to relax, and let things play out naturally. Embrace the unknown, as this is where you will be surprised the most. Let yourself be whisked into unforeseen endeavors, and relish in the excitement they bring. (This is the one I needed the most help with and so many of my friends as well. I hope that if everyone walks away with no more than one of these suggestions that this will be the one they choose as it is, in my opinion, the ultimate key to letting go.)
Get Rid Of ExpectationsManaging your expectations is the key to happiness. If you let go of expectations, you will never be disappointed. Often, we tend to believe that the way we treat others will be the way we are treated in return. Unfortunately, this does not always happen. Do not expect a certain result from any given situation. Go into an experience with an open mind. This will allow you to fully immerse yourself, without the pressure of living up to preconceived notions.
As a very dear and wise friend of mine says, “Thoughts are things.” What you think about will come into your life. If you think negative thoughts you are going to attract them. If you think positive thoughts you are going to attract them. By learning to embrace those three words I know personally I am on the best possible path to achieving the life I want. The proof is in the practice.
I sincerely hope that these suggestions will bring you the ability to assemble an arsenal of positive coping skills for changing your life into a happy and fulfilling one. I hope that it brings out the unique qualities that make you who you are, separate and apart from everyone else in the world. I hope that you find...you.
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