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Photo by Kimberly D Miller 2019

By Kimberly D. Miller – March 17, 2020

When you were young, didn’t it seem like everyone around you was always talking about love?  Being in love, wanting to be in love, needing to find love, being with “the one” love, etc., etc.?  TV shows, movies, commercials...all geared toward love.  I think it was then that I fell in love with love which, as it turned out, did nothing but confuse me. 

Now we ask ourselves as adults who have been through many years of “love,” “What is love?”  Obviously, love is subjective and means different things to different people, so you must break it down even further into, “What is me?”  I think I fell in love with the idea of love, rather than ever falling in love with a person.  I would meet people I liked, and, in the beginning, I would put them on a pedestal and fantasize about how wonderful our lives could know, just like in the movies.  But, as fate would have it, they would show me their human side at some point and make mistakes and I would get hurt and then, just as quickly as it began, the love was dead.  After much soul-searching I came to realize that we all have a set criterion for someone to meet in order for them to be considered for the position of “the one.”  If I made a list of my criteria it would look like this:

1.  Must be beautiful on the inside, in order to match the outside.
2.  Must be considerate of others’ feelings.
3.  Must have manners.
4.  Must have an amazing sense of humor.
5.  Must have morals that match mine (especially monogamy).
6.  Must be willing to give 50% of the time & take 50% of the time.
7.  Must have a sense of adventure.
8.  Must be spontaneous.
9.  Must love herself.

I’m sure as I sat and thought about it there would be many more attributes to add to the list, however this is a pretty great start.  It almost seems impossible that one person could fill these criteria, but you really never know.  I think every time I thought I was in love with someone, they had to have filled at least three or more list items, but that was never enough to make it work.  In movies, their eyes meet, a song plays in the background (where do these travelling orchestras come from anyway?) and they are instantly and deeply in love, forever.  WOW, it just couldn’t be easier...yeah, right.  I believe that has happened to people in real life, but I believe it is extremely rare. 

I have now surpassed middle age and have fallen out of love with idea of love.  I have come to realize that there is a good chance I may never actually fall in love...I mean real love, with anyone, but I still hold onto the hope that someone will one day drop into my life and check off every item on my list. 

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