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Sunday, April 9, 2017


If people were honest…I mean gut-wrenchinly honest with themselves, and they fully exercised this honesty/integrity when making decisions that affect the rest of their lives, the world would certainly be a much more positive place to live because it would consist of a greater percentage of truly happy people.  Unfortunately that is not the case.

I believe people who feel mean and frustrated and angry all the time, made life choices that were not true to what they really, really wanted at the time of the decision and ultimately, what they wanted out of life.  Sometimes they made decisions “for the good of everyone involved,” but it did not suit them well.  Sometimes they made decisions to please a spouse or partner,” but it did not serve them well.  Sometimes they made decisions “for the good of the child/children,” but that did not bring happiness to them.  Sometimes they made decisions because they “didn’t want to hurt the other person/people involved,” and that went south as well.  Even though a lot of the decisions we make affect others, ultimately, if they are not conducive to happiness within our hearts and souls, somewhere down the line they turn to dis-ease (hence the term “disease). 

There is a lot to be said for spontaneity, however who we are and what we actually want in and from life, requires not only thought and feeling, but honesty toward both.  Our thought process is influenced by how we feel at the time of the decision…what we see, what we hear and what we desire.  All of these factors weigh in on our ultimate choice, and that is as it should be, however, that being said…I now ask myself, “What would Mr. Spock do?”  Having been a child of the original Star Trek generation, I often envied Mr. Spock’s ability to find the logic in every situation.  True he sometimes missed out on love and lots of fun and frivolous things we humans enjoy, but in the end, Mr. Spock had a pretty great life, just being logical.  Do I think everyone should go through life relying on nothing but logic?  Absolutely not, but I do think that if we honored our deep wants and needs with honesty and profound integrity, and exercised logic in our decision-making, we would make decisions that granted us true happiness.  Examples that come to mind are a parents’ decision to stay together “for the good of the children.”  Yeah, I’m here to tell you that the fighting and tension between parents is not good for the children.  Both parties lead very unhappy lives for a very long time.  Another example might be wanting to be with someone because you know in your heart and soul it would make you happy beyond belief and that there is no question that this is the right person for you…that this person completes you, and then you stay in the situation you are in so you don’t “hurt” everyone else involved and you never know how amazingly happy and fulfilling life could have been.  Then there is fear, my least favorite “F” word.  At the base of both of the above examples lies fear.  In the first example it would be fear of losing time with the kids, fear of losing a relationship you thought was supposed to last, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being loved by any and all of the people involved and fear of loss.  In the second relationship, fear of hurting the people in your life (but if they were truly good for you in the first place they would understand), fear of not being liked by them anymore, fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown and ultimately a lack of faith in all things good and all things positive. 

When you find yourself approaching the end of your life, if you have regrets by all of the chances you didn’t take, the paths you didn’t follow, the people you passed by for things you didn’t actually want, wouldn’t you feel anger and regret and frustration?  The people you want to be with should be the people you are with.  The career you want to pursue, should be the career you are currently pursuing and the goals you have for your future, should be what you are setting your sights on.  Of course there are going to be people who will have to leave our lives as we make these changes because, let’s face it, getting to where we are in this moment in time involved bringing people into our lives based on decisions that weren’t made with honesty, but if any of these people, be it friends or family, are true to you and your relationship with them, won’t they ultimately want what is best for you?  Won’t they willingly move aside for your happiness?  If the answer to that question is no, then, for me at least, that would bring up an entire barrage of questions about what I was doing with this person and why I was in this situation and, whenever I have done this in the past, very large changes have occurred, each and every one of them for the better.  Coming out of the closet was a huge fear for me, but when I finally met it with honesty and trusted that everyone in my life would understand and would let me be me, they did on both counts.  Those that didn’t are not longer in my life and that is as it should be. 

The people I know who have happy family lives and happy careers are the people who honored what they wanted.  They fought for the love of their lives and they knew early on what career would make them happy and they fought for that.  They fought for a life they wanted and when you do that, you will win.

You only get this one chance so why screw it up with fear?  Be the person you want to be and have the life you WANT to have before it’s too late.  Weigh your decisions based on your ultimate happiness, with honesty, and above-all, with courage…after all, what would Mr. Spock do?

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