(My latest journal design)Did you ever want something so much, even though you knew it wasn't good for you? I'm not referring to food because we always want that. No, I'm referring to relationships...with people you know going in will not work out, and yet you go in anyway, either out of a sense of loneliness or desperation or the need for sex.
The wrong reason can never be the right reason to have a relationship. For me, unfortunately, I have never been able to tell if people are lying to me in the beginning. I believe them when they affirm their feelings of love for me and then I go in full bore and do everything in my power to show them how much I care. I dote, I spoil, and I am the most monogamous partner ever possible. But then it never fails, people get what they want from me, be it money, help, sex or a personal hand maiden, then they throw me away. At some point I feel I had to know going in, that these people would do this to me from the start. I had to know that they were not genuine, and yet I let them in.
My point is this...we are the sum of our decisions. What we choose either haunts us, taunts us, or elates us and brings us joy. For those choices we make that bring negative vibrations into our lives, it is of the utmost importance that we learn from them and not repeat them time and time again. For me, I learned that I will never again let anyone into my life who isn't genuine. I will be respected, loved for who I am and maybe even spoiled a little. I will not hide, I will not settle, I will not be lied to, I will not fall for anyone whose heart is not with mine, and I will not have meaningless sex. It means something to me to make love to someone. It means that I love someone so much that we have taken demonstration of that love to its next form of expression. I am an extremely passionate person, not only in bed, but in life as well. This passion will never be misdirected again. It will only be rewarded to someone who loves and wants me for exactly who I am.
I hope you not only realize convictions like these, but love and respect yourself enough to have the integrity to stand by them. It is the ultimate gesture of self-love. Don't settle and don't stay in a wrong relationship for the right reasons. Those reasons will never be right...for you.
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