I guess I was born this way, having little to no verbal communication skills and timid as a rabbit when it comes to confrontation, but I was given an artistic gift in place of both, the desire to write. I often wonder why it is that I am so compelled to write everything down as well as every feeling about every situation, but I know it is my only release, especially at this point in my life where I have left myself no other avenue.
I recall fondly the days when my son was first born and the people I had in my life that I could count on for instant relief via conversation and/or a glass of wine to boot. I had friends that I could call any time of the day or night and who would not hold my neediness against me, despite my fear of that very fact.
That is what I desire more than anything else in life right now…someone in my life who knows me well enough, loves me deep enough and understands completely that I just need to talk on a regular basis and who cares enough to grant me that little bit of selfishness from them. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t as though I don’t have friends who could fit this bill, but I really don’t have any single friends. Everyone I know right now is very much tied up in their own lives with their significant others, their daily grinds and their need to handle their own stuff, let alone listen to mine, and that is as it should be. I get that…I do, but I feel like I am a really good friend…I will always go beyond the whole nine yards when someone needs something of/from me, but I just don’t cross their minds because they are so “busy” with their lives. I’m busy too, but I know how much I need to cherish all the good and positive aspects of my life on a daily basis, especially my friends, and those who have not yet caught onto that piece of wisdom tend to stay so tightly wrapped in their usual grind that they just don’t peek out from over the top of the wall to see what’s on the other side as often as would make their lives seem less hectic. It’s a tough concept to grasp some.
While this post is a little “ranty on my part,” it is also with hope that I am able to convey that friendships are so important that you must make the time and the effort to meet and match the other person’s needs as they do yours. Life is SO full of one-sided relationships, which is such a sad commentary on our times. It’s great to have good friends, but in my book, it is the ultimate feeling of joy to BE a good friend. Hold onto only those people who qualify…the rest of them still need lessons and their lessons should not come at the cost of your time and effort.
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