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Wednesday, May 20, 2015


Do you ever feel broken?  I couldn't find a better word to describe this feeling, but broken seems to take care of it.  You know the feeling that causes you to keep asking yourself if the feelings you are having are good or bad or right or wrong, and you feel like you just aren't getting it right?  I call it "feeling broken" because we want to "fix" ourselves when we question these feelings.   

Here is what I have to say about feeling broken, STOP IT!!! (hahaha) Feelings are part of being human.  You know the phrase, "You have to go through it to get to it?"  You can't get through something if you don't let yourself have the full effect of the feelings you have for it.  Things just are...They will be what they will be no matter how you feel about it, which goes back to my post about having the illusion of control.  By you judging these feelings so harshly you may not make the decision that is best for you, that is fair to you.  You might make a decision that is best for anyone or everyone else who may be involved in the situation and find yourself just existing in multiple situations which you realize later in life you just "settled" for and then hate yourself for it.  

Here is what I   You may think to yourself, "Hey, I feel like doing (insert what you feel like doing here), but I can't do it just now because (insert all excuses here).  Just how sure are you that you are going to get a tomorrow or even a near future, not to mention a "later on in life."  The fact is that more people than not reach the end of their lives with so many regrets of the things they wanted to do or experience but were never true enough to themselves to grant those wishes.  How sad is that?

How do I know?  I used to be one of those people.  I have been through raising my son by myself, making ends meet by being a slave to a job I hated for years upon years, making excuses as to why I had to live in a state that made me so unhappy, nursing my mother for two years as I watched her slowly die from cancer, running her household and mine and working and depriving myself of a life that was true to me because of a "sense of duty" to every one else in my life. 

There just comes a point where you have to say, "I'm doing it."  If you have dreams and wants and desires in any area of your life, you have to make them come true while you have the chance, while you have a life to live and while it still matters to you, especially if it is something you feel passionate or strongly about. Why make a "bucket list?"  Again, a list of things you "would like to do."  Just get out there and do these things before you end up in a hospital bed from a stroke or heart attack or cancer or some other stress-induced disease.  It isn't fucking worth it!!!

Having had these realizations, and almost at a very bad breaking point for me, I decided to do something about it.  I moved to a place that makes me happy, I have a job that I really like, I make my art, I blog, I go to functions and travel to places I would like to see and I have finally learned that it is okay to open my heart and love unconditionally (which was the hardest one and a realization I actually had only hours ago) and you want to know the kicker?  I don't have a lot of money, but I always find a way.  If you ask for the answer, be it angels, or God or the universe or whoever you envision asking out there, you WILL make it happen.  For me, I meditate and pray and am learning more and more to let things happen as they are supposed to happen and in doing so, I find joy comes to me more and more.  Give up worrying and judging yourself.  

It comes down to this...find what you want in life (I mean truly want, not think you have to settle for) and do absolutely everything to make it happen.  You will never be truly happy feeling broken.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

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