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Saturday, December 29, 2012

WE SIT IN JUDGMENT

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As I ponder this subject I know not if this persecuting need is so valid in other societies, and if so, to what degree, but I am sure that it is rampant in the U.S. of A.  What is this need we have in our society to judge everyone and everything.  Okay, to be perfectly fair, there are those rare individuals who are able to abstain from it, but let’s face it, we are all guilty of it.

It seems to me that we tend to point out in other individuals the things we don’t like about ourselves, like, “Wow, look how fat she is,” or “Those people are trailer trash,” and even, “He sure is short,” to name but just a few.  Some people don’t even do it from self-recognition but from a place of anger or jealousy.  Kids are really good at it.  People are always saying things like, “Out of the mouths of babes,” or “Kids sure are mean.”  I have news people, kids learn most of their judgment habits from listening to their parents and other people in their lives.  Hell, sit a child in front of the television for even five minutes these days and you can be sure they will learn how to judge others. 

For me, the worst judgment of all is self-judgment.  I can honestly say that no one is now or has ever been as hard on me as I am on myself.  I wasn’t born feeling like that, but I do recall a verbal list from my parents, my siblings, my relatives, my peers and anyone else I encountered through my life, of shortcomings as a human being.  I try hard every day to undo the judging in my head.  So what if I’m a little overweight—at least it isn’t affecting my health at this point.  So what if I don’t make enough money to buy all the fancy things the neighbors have--I have enough to get by and keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach.  So what if I talk to myself in public and generally answer back—sometimes I’m the only one I have to talk to. 

I don’t care if people judge me, but it has taken me a long time to get to this point.  My mother was born and raised a southern belle in a very small town in Virginia and, having lived in Virginia a few years, I can understand why she cared so much as to what others thought about her and her family.  It’s also small-town life as well.  People must get so bored with their own lives, and some really have no lives at all so they feel they have to butt into others’ lives or judge others in order to validate themselves and their own “lives.”  How sad.  It took me many years but I finally got my mom to the point where she didn’t care about being judged anymore.  I even got her excited about the phrase, “Fuck ‘em,” to where she was using it all the time.  She would call me up and tell me things about people who tried to pull something over on her and she would say to me on the phone, “I just said, ‘Fuck ‘em’,” and then she would move on. 

I hate the word, “Should.”  You should do this or that.  They should dress better.  I should be better educated.  We should get married.  I should not eat so much.  I should have a better tan.  ReallyWho says you/they/he/she should?  Judgment—over and over again, day in and day out.  What do we gain from it, really?  If you (and by you I mean the global “you”) need to judge to self-validate, then are you actually validated?  Why can you not validate yourself by other, healthier means?  Why must others be targeted so that you can feel good about yourself?  Better still, why must you judge yourself in order to gauge how you view your life and accomplishments.  Judgment is not a compare and contrast action but one of an accusatory nature.

If you can become conscious of it, as much of what we do when we are older is sub-conscious, try to hear yourself when you judge and catch yourself doing it.  You will be surprised how many times a day you will use a judgmental phrase, not only at others, but at yourself as well.  Our society would be a much better place to live without all of this judgment.

 

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