Throughout time people have referenced the phrase, "a house is not a home," and I have to admit that for the longest time I had no idea what that meant...until recently that is.
The other day I was feeling a bit lost, for lack of a better word...sort of unsettled if you will, as though I didn't have a place to live. I found that to be quite an odd feeling at the time because I live in a very nice house (see picture above) and I live there with people I love. The more I tried to come to terms with this feeling and bring it to the surface and into my conscious mind, the more I was able to define its root...it was my mom. Now, I wasn't feeling sad or lonely per se, it was more that I was feeling displaced and no matter how hard I tried that day, I could not get comfortable...not really. I thought maybe if I took a day trip I would feel better, but that didn't help. I thought maybe I'm homesick for the place I grew up, which I am, but that wasn't it either. I pondered further and it finally hit me...the answer was this...home is not a house...it's a person, or several people...it's a connection with one or more people that makes your soul feel as though it's home. Without those people in our lives, we feel unsettled and homeless because our souls no longer have the person or people we had such a strong and deep connection with, especially in the conscious realm. During the times I'm longing for my mother I feel so uprooted and "homeless" and I finally realized that since she died, I have never felt fully settled, no matter where I am. I feel like I'm always looking for something or someone and I can't seem to find it no matter how tirelessly I search.
Death is not the only thing that has derailed the home I've had with souls I've connected with most closely...timing can be at fault here as well. There are people who, due to timing and circumstances, even though we realize our souls are meant to be one and that together we are home and share a bond like no other, we cannot be one in this lifetime. It's sad and difficult to understand, but it is what it is nonetheless. That has happened to me twice and the hardest part about that is feeling displaced and homeless when it doesn't happen because my soul is yearning for this person who hasn't died and with whom I feel so much at home, but who I also cannot have.
I cannot profess to understand what it is to lose a child, nor do I ever hope to find out, but to those of you who have had to endure this hardship (and my heart bleeds for you), I know you know this feeling of displacement because a child is a part of your soul and when they are gone it must seem as though a piece of you is missing and that you will always strive to find a way to fill that void...but most likely never will. They were your home, quite literally.
Through the years I have tried to fill these voids with material things, but they do not satisfy my soul. I realize now that nothing in this realm ever will...unless it is with the person who makes me feel at home...the other half of my whole...the twin flame from which I was split apart, and that I will search until that day arrives.
My point here is this...houses house material things (and keep us safe from the elements and crime, etc.) but they are not our homes...we are only ever at home with those we are meant to be with...eternally...in our hearts and in our souls. It is never healthy to get too attached to material objects (like houses) in the hopes that they will fill a void. Find the person or people who make you feel like you're home and cherish them always, for only with them will you ever be at home.
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