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Monday, January 4, 2016

YOU MAKE ME FEEL...

Ophir Beach - 1/4/2016
YOU MAKE ME FEEL…
If ever there was a toxic way to begin a sentence, it would be the following four words, “You make me feel…”  Wow, if only we could make every person feel the way we wanted them to feel, wouldn’t that be a great power to possess? We could make people fall in love with us, make them feel sad when we feel sad so our misery would have some company; make them feel remorse when we feel hurt by our faulted expectations of their actions, make them feel happy when they are down and the list goes on and on.
One of the healthiest attitudes we can adopt is the realization that our feelings are our own and that they reflect our image of our lives and our circumstances.  There is a saying that goes, “No one can make you feel…without your permission.”  That statement is golden in my book. It has been my experience that whenever I have felt let down by someone it has been because I had expectations of how they would/should react to the situation at hand and when I didn’t get the response or reaction I was hoping for I would get angry and say, “You made me feel…”  It was usually a negative feeling as I’m sure you gathered.  How many times have you uttered the phrase, “You hurt me?”  People always say to be careful about pointing your finger at other people because there will always be 3 fingers pointing back at you.  This is true in every emotional case.  Of course there will be those times when that statement is true in the physical sense, i.e. if someone causes you bodily harm on purpose then yes, they hurt you, but that is not the sense of the phrase I am addressing here.


Owning up to how you feel…being 100% real with you is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself.  When you take down the walls and realize you need to own up to the fact that you make yourself feel these feelings, then you can adjust to the situation at hand and make sure there are no negative connotations.  If you feel negatively at any point in that situation, then remember to adjust and ask yourself what you can do to make sure the outcome is good for you.  It amazes me that we have that power but so few of us realize that.  We think we have to feel things that other people try to thrust upon us like guilt and remorse and blame...but we don't. When that happens and someone tries to make you feel these things, try to realize that this person is having some sort of a crisis and instead of accepting this situation as your fault, you can choose either to help this person learn to accept their feelings and adjust accordingly, or cut ties.

Ultimately...you are responsible for you...that's what it boils down to.  The love you have for yourself is what shines through to the rest of the world.  When you are extremely honest with yourself and you know that you don't "make" other people feel, and that they can't "make" you feel, you will build the skills you need to live a full, honest and satisfyingly happy life and help others along the way.  It's everything.


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