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Saturday, June 20, 2015

LETTER TO MY MOTHER...


Every now and then I still get the urge to call my mother.  Even though I talk to her all the time, as I know she leads my circle of angels, I still have a need to tell her things in writing, maybe as a therapeutic tool for me.  I thought this time I would publish this one as a post because if you are missing a loved one from your life, someone you were so close to that took part of your soul when they left, I think this may be good therapy for you as well.

 “Dear Mom,

It has been five years since God called you home and yet some days it feels like yesterday.  I have come to terms with the fact that I will never stop missing you but as, I assure myself that you are with me all the time, I have hope that the degree will lessen. 

When you first left I felt so very alone in the world, even though I still had people in my life, they could never be in my life like you.  There are times this feeling still will not subside. You were the biggest part of who I am.  You raised me, shaped me and guided me into the person I am today and I am so grateful to you every day that you were the loving influence in my life as dad just didn’t know how to give of himself and his love.  I miss your sage advice and how you always knew what to say whenever I would confide in you, which was all the time. 

I still have a hard time letting people get close to me, but I also know that you wanted me to not be such a loner and to learn to let go and let people in so I could one day know what it is to be loved.  I am proud to say, Mom, that because of your loving influence and the fact that I still hear you, I am finally learning to do just that.  My heart is resilient and it will bounce back if I let myself risk opening it to the wrong person.  I finally know that that is what we are supposed to do.  That my heart won’t break without the ability to mend itself with time and that if I don’t risk opening it, I will never know love.  I want to know it…I need to know it and I am happy to say I am letting it in now.  You showed me how to embrace the middle ground that dad never had and to forgive.  My greatest gifts pertaining to who I am are because of you.

You would be so proud of your grandson.  He is working and happy and making much better choices for his life.  Today is his 22nd birthday.  I know you said the one thing you didn’t want to miss out on was how he turned out, but I also know that you have been there guiding him the whole time, as you have done with me.  He knows you are there as well.  He said he can feel you too and that he misses and loves you.

I will never be more grateful to anyone than I am to you and I miss you with every fiber of my being, every minute of every day.  I was angry when you first left, but knowing that you are my angel and in a loving place, safe and out of suffering will always bring me peace.  I could not have asked for a more beautiful soul to have been my mother.  I love you always with all of my heart.”

After having written this letter I have found so much more peace in my day.  I hope that writing to someone you have lost will help you to realize how much a part of your life they will always be, in this realm and all others, and to find joy in all of the positive things they brought into your life. 



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