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Saturday, June 6, 2015

HEAD-REGURGITATION...

Sometimes, and just for the sake of removing it from my head, I will sit down and write everything I can think of in that moment.  I call it head-regurgitation, for lack of a better term.  I usually don't save these, however I recently came across this one that I wrote in October of 2014, which was right around the time I had just moved to Oregon and was trying to piece my life together.  I wanted to post it so that other people out there with "chatty" heads know that they are not alone and that the part of us that sometimes scares us a little and makes us think we are just plain crazy, lives within all of us.

"I have no gift of gab, but the pen, which is mightier 
than the sword, is my ally in life as well as death.  If 
only they would call to say, “I love you,” just 
because.  If only the reasons for me were the same as the 
reasons for them.  I have faith that when I’m so alone, I’m not alone...ever.  I know that people are all 
basically narcissistic but I don’t understand why.  I 
am the sum of my parts, but my parts are a mere 
vessel.  
People want to change, but fighting change is basic 
instinct. You can only change yourself... if you are 
under the impression that you can change someone 
else, then you are fucking with your own head. I am 
an old soul; the older the soul, the wiser the path.  
Crazy is as crazy does; I don’t mind being called 
insane because God made me in his image and that 
thought comforts me day after day; Some people are 
so unhappy with their own lives that they think the 
grass is greener on the other side of the fence...
newsflash...you can cross over that fence but you will still be you until you face your shit head on; be you...God made you unique for a reason; control is an 
illusion...stop trying to control other people and 
turn inward; when you point at someone else three 
fingers are pointing right back at you; my wishes will come true as long as I always ask for them to; the end is near so live it full while you still can; I love John 
Hughes movies; writing frees the soul; a job is a job 
and not a life sentence; be the best you you can be 
and stop trying to morph into other people; find the 
one person you trust to “bare” your soul to and take it all off; if you take for granted all the things you have been given thus far, then you have nothing; be strong and courageous enough to want the life you deserve; I am an enigma; why do we say one thing and do the 
complete opposite; It’s not hard...do what you say 
you will do or don’t say it at all; needy is not 
attractive on me, but we can’t help what we need when we need it; I have needs, wants, desires, wishes, dreams and 
yearnings...therefore I am merely human; to know me is to 
question sanity; to know me is something most people never try to do; to know me is my ultimate quest."

It really helps to clear your mind of chaos when it builds up like this and, as you can see, these thoughts are random, yet applicable to anything and everything you may be going through at the time.  This is such a great exercise in clarity and I hope it will help you find yours.

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