You know the saying, “One step forward, two steps back?” I know along the journey it must be necessary for this to occur so that the desired results come on gradually as opposed to all-at-once, which could be difficult for our psyches to grasp in a healthy manner, but damn sometimes it can be the most frustrating part. I feel as if I am making great progress and then it seems that all in one day I lose sight of the things I have learned and the progress I have made. I am having trouble with my memory as of late, and I wonder if it is post-menopausal. The research I have done states that memory loss is a symptom, however I didn’t think it would make me feel most often as though I were losing sight of everything, including my progress on my spiritual path.
With all I had recently overcome in order to make the move to Oregon, it is of the utmost importance to me that the things I learned along the way, especially spiritually, remain deeply imbedded not only in my soul and my life, but in my psyche.
While I am not sure that my memory loss and my taking two steps back are related and/or the cause of one another, I do know how important it is to make sure I stay committed to the path I am on; a path of truth and self-discovery; a path of endurance and teaching; a path of helping anyone and everyone who ventures into my path for any reason at all. I know I am making great strides with my spiritual growth and I know I am going to experience setbacks in any endeavor I attempt, but that doesn’t dissipate the feeling of frustration when it happens.
The memory loss is something that further hinders my frustration and quite frankly, is what I blame for often feeling a constant state of upheaval. I find it sad that people think I am lying because when asked a question, I verbally struggle to remember the facts to the response. For instance, and the most frustrating of all, is when people ask me to recall exact words that I said just days ago and I can’t do it, so rather than feeling embarrassed by the memory loss I try to remember the things I said and it looks and sounds like someone who is lying and making things up on the spot, at least to me. My last boss made me feel really bad about myself because I couldn’t recall exact wording to things I had told him.
If you know anyone who is having memory problems, please don’t judge them until you understand what is going on in their lives.