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Thursday, December 31, 2009

DEPRESSION SHMESSION


What is depression anyway!  To examine the meaning of a word, I usually try to find the root of that word; in this case, depress.  Hmmm, to depress is to push something down, to keep something down, or in the emotional sense, keep happiness and positivity down, at least, that is how it appears to me.  


I often hear people say, "Just get over it.  If you think happy, you will be happy."  Okay, so I say to myself, "Voila- you are happy."  Strange, but my sudden realization of happiness eludes me.  I feel no overwhelming sensation to smile, no emotional euphoric bathing, not even the urge to giggle.  So I think, "Damn, I must be doing this wrong.  Okay okay, let's try again.  You are happy.  Think happy thoughts."  I try for several minutes and again, I'm just not getting that instant gratification, which I look for in so many areas of life.  I wonder if it's supposed to be instantaneous.  Maybe there is a set amount of time to wait before the euphoria kicks in.  That's it.  That must be what I'm doing wrong.  Again I try the verbal boost and this time I wait for over an hour, but nothing happens.  Okay, I guess I'm just not getting this whole "talk yourself into it" thing. 



What then, is the answer?  The answer is, and it's taken me so long to discover this, self-acceptance.  Now a lot of people say that it is self love, but I argue with them on this fine point.  I love myself, I love myself quite a lot actually, but I don't always agree with myself on the decisions I make and the paths I choose.  An example of this was evident to me today.  I was invited to a person's house to later join them at a local pub for a New Year's celebration of drinking and dancing.  While this sounded like a total blast, there is such a huge part of me that refuses to let me go out and really have some fun and laugh and enjoy people and positive surroundings.  Why? I ask.  Am I some kind of a martyr?  Maybe, but the fact is that I don't accept my choice to go out and have fun.  I don't accept sometimes that I am worthy of enjoying myself without a whole lot of guilt.  I don't accept that I could choose to have fun and actually manage to accomplish that feat.  If I did accept those things about myself then I believe the choice would have been clear, that I would have said yes to the invitation in a heartbeat and not thought twice about going home, getting dressed up and heading out for an evening of fun.  This is but one example, but one that I feel illustrates my belief in self acceptance.


My point?  We need not only to love ourselves, which don't get me wrong, is extremely vital, but to wholeheartedly accept ourselves, the decisions we make, the paths we choose and every other aspect of our lives.  We need to realize that we are but human and prone to err.  To err is to learn and to learn is to grow.  Growing is what we do in life from the time we are born to the time we pass on, to whatever is next, and is vital to survival. 


So, although I am a long time sufferer, I am learning to say "depression shmession!!!"  (say that three times fast.)  And so I say, unto yourself be loving, be accepting, be living.

1 comment :

Dawn said...

So much of what you have written of late makes me think, and feel and question and...it's all good. I know this time is really rough for you right now, but I am eagerly awaiting part II of the package I want to send you that I think is going to help both of us in our pilgrimage to become more grounded, more aware, more thankful, more happy, more peaceful and more creative. Do I have your attention yet?! In fact, it is already working, because I am getting giddy with excitement about putting it all together for you and awaiting your reaction upon receiving it. A dose of happy is coming your way soon...watch for it!

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