I'M FINE WITH THAT...

I’M FINE WITH THAT…

How many times have you said or thought things like, “I’m fine with that,” “I’m not in love with you,” “That’s okay with me,” I’m not hurt,” “It really doesn’t matter,” or “I’m not upset,” and meant the exact opposite?

We spend so much time worrying about what other people think and faking our feelings that after awhile, we even begin to believe them ourselves.  Being a person with HSP trait, I have spent my entire life not understanding why I try so hard to never let people know the real me and now that I fully understand the trait, the answer is obvious…if they know me, they will/can hurt me (at least that’s right where my thought process has always gone).   We need to learn that there is no safeguard…ever, and accept that and find the coping skills we need for that harsh fact and then it won’t be harsh. 

We are either brave enough to show ourselves to the world each and every time we interact with it, or we aren’t and we live in a shell trying to protect ourselves.  It can be so daunting to think about putting ourselves out there and not getting the response we had hoped for or expected (expectations are the best way to set yourself up for failure).  One common phrase I hear people use is, “I can’t let him/her know… because he/she would be hurt.”  First of all, he/she is a grown up person responsible for his/her own feelings and reactions so the real truth is that if he/she found out about ..., it would be you would who would ultimately be hurt.  

Learning to play the “what-if” game can help…I know it has really helped me.  This may actually be a real “thing”, but I made it up one day when I could not, for the life of me, understand why I was about the to try to get someone out of my head.  I started out by asking myself this question: “What if I do this?” And the answer was that I would be hurt and feel crappy.  Then I asked, “Okay, what if I feel hurt and crappy, what will happen?”  I would be sad and depressed and angry for putting myself in that situation, but I would eventually be fine and probably really grow from it.  “What if I missed her so badly I could never recover or be with anyone else?”  Fate is an amazing thing and sometimes I will be meant to be with someone for only awhile and, if that is the case, the person I am meant to be with will just happen into my life.  Or maybe I am just meant to be alone my whole life, either way this situation will not kill me.  “What if I never find anyone who makes me feel like she does?”  I will.  It will either be with her or someone just like her only someone not afraid to be herself as well and I could also still end up with this person, you never know.  Maybe the timing is just wrong right now and until then I have a lot to keep myself busy.  “What if I never stop thinking about her every day?”  I probably won’t because this may have been the deepest I have ever felt about someone and this connection may never be unbroken, but in the meantime I can fully enjoy thinking about her and the possibilities…this conversation really helped me to come out of my funk and to accept and deal with my real feelings and I now know I’m going to be fine and can accept and live with this.

The “What-if” game helps you put into perspective and identify the things you are really feeling and will ultimately lead you to a solution you can live with and it’s a pretty great coping skill, especially for someone with HSP trait.  I hope you will find it helpful in your life and that you will always find the strength to let people see the real you, all the time…no secrets. 

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