FACE YOUR REALITY SQUARELY…

FACE YOUR REALITY SQUARELY…

There is a quote from Buddha which states, “All human unhappiness comes from not facing reality squarely, exactly as it is.”  It was no accident that I recently stumbled upon this quote as it was perfect for the post I was going to write today.  Every one of us lives in what I like to term…our own reality.  Yes, we have the illusion of sharing the same “world” with everyone else in this plane of existence, but what we do, see, hear and interact with is what we make it and how we interpret it, thereby creating our own reality.  Having said that, the moral of this post is to learn to face what is…right now, in the here and now, owning up to the things that need to be changed and those you can change on your own.

Sometimes people have a tendency to look outside of their world for answers, however, often this is a misplaced or misguided “solution.”  Did you ever hear anyone say, “You only hurt the ones you love?”  People throw these words around all the time as though they provided a justified excuse or an “oh well,” solution, but I find this odd and nonsensical.  Why would we take things out on the few people in our world (and yes, we can always count those closest to us on one hand) who we can actually trust and who love us unconditionally and deeply?  I think the answer is…because we think we can based on the unconditional love.  That, however, does not justify doing so and, in most cases, we will end up losing those treasured people in the long run because we just keep hurting them over and over.  

We tend to pull other people into our messes thinking that they will provide an instant answer for us.  An example might be those times when we have looked for love in all the wrong places…and who hasn’t done that…by bringing someone new in to love or fall in love with (we think).  All this does is mask the true cause of the thing(s) that are not currently providing fulfillment in our hearts and souls and then if that isn’t detrimental enough to our own psyches, when these people do not behave as we had expected them to, we tend to take it out on them simply because we are not fulfilling our own needs.  

When we begin seeking pure and honest fulfillment so that we may realize and attract what we truly desire in our lives, it is imperative to know that our starting point must be to face reality squarely, exactly as it is.  Be brave…be excruciatingly honest and real with yourself and uncover the truth about your life, warts and all.  Release all of the people who were brought in to make you feel better, because you are the only one who can accomplish this feat…ever.  We can share our lives with others and we can enjoy their company, but they are very separate and apart from us and enjoy their own autonomy…which is as it should be.  

One of the exercises I coach people to use, and one that I find very beneficial, is to take stock of the people in your life, whether on paper, computer or even in your head, and ask yourself these questions: 1) What drew me to this person? 2) Are these still qualities that this person has and am I still drawn to them? 3) Do I genuinely like/love this person for who they are, hard times, flaws and all? 4) Is this someone I can see in my future? 5) What do I feel this person provides in my life?  If the answer to any of these questions help you realize that these people are there only for the purpose of bettering your own life in some way(s), then do yourself a favor and cut them loose…if not for your own good, then at least for theirs, especially if it seems that neither of you are benefitting from your relationship (see post about toxic people.)

What do you WANT from life?  Look at your reality closely…face it…and if it is not working for you anymore, exactly as it is, then it’s time to make these big changes, otherwise you will feel frustration most of your life and you will feel stuck!  Believe me, I was there for most of my life and the more I learn to change and to accept changes as they come to me and to perceive those changes as good and positive changes, the easier my life has become and continues to grow.  I hope you will take the time to fulfill yourself honestly because life is so short and the more time you waste masking your true feelings and keeping them unexpressed, the more time you waste being frustrated.  Don’t expect anything from anyone, including yourself, and you will never be let down. 

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