DO YOU SEE THE GAIN...OR THE LOSS...

DO YOU SEE THE GAIN...OR THE LOSS...

This past Sunday, the 17^th, would have been my mother’s 80^th birthday.  Each year I try to find some way to honor her on her birthday, but it always becomes a sad time for me.  The next day I realized that I’m going about it all wrong.  I am coming at it from a “glass half empty” thought process when I should be coming at it from the angle of what I had gained and who I am today because of all of the positive things she taught me and brought into my life and her presence and essence.  Thinking about it in this way has helped me to find joy in this day and not dread it approaching.  I owe so much to my mother and it is time I honored those attributes in the positive ways she would have wanted for me and my life and feel the joy she worked so hard to give me on a daily basis.

We all handle the loss of a loved one in our own way but most of us think of it as a sad time because we miss that person so much and, in that sense, it can be very sad.  We are the “left behind” when they pass, but we can still find positive and enlightening ways to deal with our feelings and filter out all but the positive.  How do we go about this you might ask?  I recently came across a great article at http://www.itsafullnest.com and have posted it below to give you a jumping off point:

Here are 23 ways to honor loved ones who have passed away:

1.     Write a poem in honor of the loved one.

2.     Play their favorite music/songs.

3.     Record family members sharing favorite stories or memories of the person.

4.     Decorate the loved one’s headstone.

5.     Meet at the gravesite at a designated time, tell family stories, release balloons, and then go celebrate the person’s life.

6.     Moment of silence.

7.     Light a candle and tell the loved one the things they have missed over the year.

8.     Go out to dinner and toast the legacy that has been left.

9.     Cook the loved one’s favorite foods.

10.                        Have a good cry.

11.                        Do a community service project as a family.

12.                        Have a birthday cake and celebrate the years the person was alive and with us.

13.                        Participate in an activity we used to do together.

14.                        Write messages, attach to a balloon filled with helium, and then set the message/balloons free.

15.                        Wear a piece of jewelry that belonged to the loved one.

16.                        Call other loved ones to talk about the deceased person. Talk about the deceased person’s influence on your life.

17.                        Make a family quilt – from clothing of the loved one.

18.                        Create a scrapbook.

19.                        Make a donation in honor of the deceased loved one.

20.                        Take a day off from work/school to rest and think about the loved one.

21.                        Have a movie marathon – showing your deceased loved one’s favorite movies.

22.                        Plant a tree or a garden.

23.                        Write a letter to your loved one – and if appropriate, have the letter published.

Another idea someone recently enlightened me with was to drink all of the drinks your loved one enjoyed throughout the day (if your loved one liked to drink), which I thought was a fun idea and could go along side having their favorite foods.

You are who you are because of this person’s presence in your life.  Keep the happy memories and toss the rest…this alone will honor your relationship as they would want nothing more than for you to be happy until you meet them again.

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