I used to fear everything. I think all shy people do or they wouldn't be shy. Shyness in itself is a fear...a fear of being who you are and greeting the world with it for fear you will be judged. Actually, that is a good place to start, fear of being judged. Why do we fear this? If you break this down you will realize just how silly this is. We are afraid that if we do a certain thing or say a certain thing that someone in our personal world or our work world will judge us in some way but this then prompts me to ask you this question...so what? What will happen if you are judged by another human being who is full of as much human frailty and sin as you are? One of two things will happen...they will either move on, or say something negative in front of or behind your back and move on...either way, who the fuck are they to judge you. If you don't let what they say bother you in any way and just move on yourself, you have taken that power away from them, squashed it and taken the fear out of it. You will find in this scenario that 100% of people who point a finger at you have the other three fingers pointing back at them. My ex used to accuse me of cheating on him whenever he was cheating on me. Then he would accuse me of doing drugs when he was back on drugs. I began to notice that whenever he did something he knew was going to cause turmoil in our relationship he would first accuse me of that very thing. In the beginning his accusations would upset me and make me angry, but then I learned to use them for what they were, him telling me what HE was doing. If people judge you, then they do. You can't control that and if they keep it up, you may want to question why you have them in your life at all.
That is another good issue, control. Control is a HUGE fear factor that people tend to think they have. It is an illusion that any part of life may be controlled by predetermining the outcome. Control issues are based on fears that others won't live up to YOUR expectations...this is also called “outlining” where you hand the universe a script of how you want it and everyone in it to behave. Outlining could cause you to overlook an even more beautiful way of life in which you believe and have faith that what will be will be and you know what? It will be...no matter how much control you THINK you have over it, you don't. If you are meant to die on Friday the 18th, 2067, then that is the day you will die. No amount of determent will change that fact. It is destiny. Your whole life is destiny. If you can just let go of fear and let people be who they are and do what they will do and know with faith that you will handle it and all other change that enters your life, you will have no stress. That is right I said NO stress, not less. Stress is caused by fighting the change that is entering our lives. If we let it enter and deal with it in a positive way, it will not bother us. We let things bother us because of expectations and those will only cause stress. Do you see the vicious circle here?
Expectations. I wrote a post entitled, “Expect-fucking-tations,” a while back which goes into more detail on the subject, however this is a fear-based, self-destructive, negative and unrealistic thing to put into your life. If you expect someone to act negatively, chances are pretty good that they will. On the other side of that coin, just because you expect someone to do something or react a certain way, doesn't mean they will. I guarantee you will feel let down 100% of the time if you always expect how people “should” react or act (there is that word I hate again). People are who they are and who they are is unpredictable. That's kind of the excitement of it though, isn't it? How dull it would be if people did everything they way we expected they would. I find that people who expect everyone to behave a certain way will always have more drama in their lives because they put it there in this way. People who are laid back and seem to others to live a calm life, are those individuals who can just sit back, let everyone around them act and react the way they are going to, and just let it go. They could get all upset and create drama, but they don't. This is the kind of person I am trying to become because I have always been the former. I will be the first to say that I am not there yet, but I am well on my way. It takes years of baby steps to undo all of that negativity.
I want to be free. I want to totally let go and let it all in and love every minute of every thing I do in this realm and on this planet. In order for me to achieve this goal, I first need to be fearless, and I will be, eventually. Until then I surround myself with loving and patient people who will understand this metamorphosis and not judge me as I change because they are doing the very same, wonderful thing. If you want to be free it's simple...be fearless.
Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.
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