GRRR...

Anger is such a waste of time and yet still an issue I am resolving myself.  Today I had a great day, but then when I got back to the office after my route, the "new" old employee who I have let under my skin since he was hired back, did some more stupid things that again, I let get under my skin.  Notice the key word in the phrase, "I let get under my skin," is the word I.  I do it to myself.  

Once I got home, and the sad part for me right now is that I still haven't made the kind of friends here that I can just call at the drop of a hat and talk to when the notion strikes me...still working on that and it will happen, but I was angry at myself for letting myself get angry over this guy, who is basically an unhappy person.  He is unhappy...and I would venture to say insecure in that he has to prove to everyone he talks to (and he talks all day long) that he knows everything about everything and is right about everything.  I believe he doth protest too much, but I need to let my anger turn to human compassion for someone who doesn't have many healthy coping skills himself.

I then proceeded to pull up my barrage of new and positive coping skills and without substances (except for a glass of warm chamomile tea) I managed to talk myself out of that mood without reacting out of anger when the situation arose at work.  I am so proud of myself for this.  Tomorrow, when I see him, I will be over this silly anger and back to my new, old self and happy and positive.  I was able to have my mood, feel it and let it go.  This is how we process.  Feel the feeling, resolve to resolve it in a positive manner and then move on leaving the memory in the past where it belongs. Healthy processing.

I also found quotes about anger (I love quotes) that really helped me breathe through it as I read them and put things into perspective.  If you find yourself needing to calm down before you react to something (which I highly advise), read these quotes that I found in the Quote Garden and pull out the ones that work for you.  They are really great:

He who angers you conquers you. ~Elizabeth Kenny

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. ~Author Unknown

Anger is one letter short of danger. ~Author Unknown

Anger ventilated often hurries toward forgiveness; and concealed often hardens into revenge. ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. ~Will Rogers

Get mad, then get over it. ~Colin Powell

The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough. ~Bede Jarrett

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. ~Baptist Beacon

Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. ~Mark Twain, a Biography

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ~Malachy McCourt

Take no revenge that you have not pondered beneath a starry sky, or on a canyon overlook, or to the lapping of waves and the mewing of a distant gull. ~Robert Brault, brault.blogspot.com

If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot. ~Korean Proverb

Anger as soon as fed is dead—
'Tis starving makes it fat—
~Emily Dickinson, from "Cupid's Sermon," 1881


Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools. ~Albert Einstein

No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched. ~George Jean Nathan

Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love. ~George Eliot

Before you give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can get by with what is left. ~Author Unknown

At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled. ~Marshall B. Rosenberg
Anger and folly walk cheek by jole. ~Benjamin Franklin

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them. ~Lemony Snicket

If you are patient in a moment of anger, you will escape one hundred days of sorrow. ~Chinese Proverb

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. ~Buddha

If you get upset when the toast burns, what are you going to do when your house burns down? ~Author Unknown

I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to. ~Author Unknown

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha

Malice drinks one-half of its own poison. ~Seneca

Can anger survive without his hypocrisy? ~Terri Guillemets

Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before — it takes something from him. ~Louis L'Armour

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. ~Ambrose Bierce

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. ~Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

Anger is a bad counselor. ~French Proverb

Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins. ~Neil Kinnock

The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong. ~Wilson Mizner

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee. ~William H. Walton

Two things a man should never be angry at: What he can help, and what he cannot help. ~Thomas Fuller

The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk. ~Jacqueline Schiff

When a man sends you an impudent letter, sit right down and give it back to him with interest ten times compounded, and then throw both letters in the wastebasket. ~Elbert Hubbard

Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved. ~Marcus Antonius



I love this last one...we often don't even realize how much a negative emotion can do us more harm than good.  A good lesson in learning to let things go.


Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

EAT A FROG FOR BREAKFAST...

One of the most self-destructive patterns we can exhibit is procrastination. Even though we know that getting those things done that we tend to put off will make our lives easier or healthier or bring us much joy, we still have a tendency to put them off because we just dread doing them. The good news is that there are ways to counteract these procrastinating habits and they are pretty easy to incorporate into your daily life.

I recently came upon an article by The Art of Simple (theartofsimple.net) which reminded me of an old saying by Mark Twain that I not only try to live by, but which is very effective when applied, “Eat a live frog every morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.”

This article entitled, Start Your Day by Eating a Frog, lays it out pretty well:

“My husband is currently reading a classic business tome called Eat That Frog. The basic idea is that if you do the worst thing on your plate first thing in the morning, the rest of the day is a cake walk. So if your least-favorite chore is the laundry, and it’s one of the items on your to-do list today, then tackle it first. That way, you can spend the rest of your day knowing you’ve done the most irritating task. Sure, there might be some more annoyances or tediousness – the dishes, the cooking, the helping with the homework – but in knowing you’ve accomplished the laundry, you’ve got fuel and motivation to do the less painful items.

I’m working on this in my own life right now. It’s an obvious concept, but it’s rather new to me – so I’m experimenting as I write this.

For me, my frog right now it’s not a chore – it’s simply working out. I love the after-effects of working out, and I even love the adrenaline rush and the glow of sweat once I get started. But that one hump – the actual starting it – is something I simply dread. I’m not sure why.

So I’m doing my best to tackle my frog-eating — the worst task of my day — first thing in the morning. And right now, it’s exercise.

What Not To Do First

It stands to reason that if you should do your least-favorite task first, that means you should avoid doing your most favorite task – or at least your easiest task – first. We’ve all had those mornings where we start with great intentions of cleaning the house, running errands, balancing our checkbooks, or menu planning – but then we first check our email or see what Al Roker’s up to. Two hours later, and your enthusiasm is gone, along with valuable time you could have used getting stuff done. Somehow, this sets a tone for the rest of the day, and we approach our tasks reluctantly, with a poor attitude, or simply with less passion.

What To Do Instead

1. FIRST, CREATE SOMETHING THAT OUTLINES YOUR TASKS FOR THE DAY.

You can use the Daily Docket, or you can use the back of an old receipt. Whatever works for you, just do something. Fill out a detailed to-do list for your day.

2. NARROW DOWN YOUR LIST TO TEN ITEMS.

You shouldn’t reasonably expect to do more – though if you find yourself having done ten things, you can simply add more items. By starting with a ten-item checklist, you’re not as daunted, and you feel more accomplished to get seven whole things crossed off in one day. Seven out of ten is more impressive than seven out of 34.

3. OUT OF THOSE TEN THINGS, PICK THREE MOST IMPORTANT TASKS (MITS).

These are the things you really need to do today; those tasks of which accomplishing them means a successful day. Write those separately up top.

4. OUT OF THOSE THREE THINGS, PICK THE WORST ONE.

Do that task first. Make that your frog.

5. OUT OF YOUR LIST OF TEN, PICK YOUR FAVORITE OR EASIEST ITEM.

For me, it’s usually checking my email (it’s not my easiest, since I get tons of email, but it’s certainly a task I usually enjoy). Whatever you do, make sure you don’t do that task first. In fact, if you’re daring, don’t do that task until you get all three MITs done. Make doing that task your reward.

So I’m doing this as I go – and so far, it’s working. In fact, I’m slowly starting to enjoy working out more. I’m not sure it’ll ever be my favorite task, but perhaps I’ll eventually go back to starting my day with the dishes.”

For me, most days, my first and worst frog is getting out of bed. I love comfort and my bed is one of the most comfortable places I know so getting out of it each morning is not one of my favorite things to do. If I could lay in it all day and eat and work on my computer, believe me...I would. Each morning I think of a reward for getting up and starting my day...sort of a bribe. I tell myself that if I get up, there is some really great peppermint mocha creamer downstairs that I just bought and fell in love with and which makes my coffee taste sinfully delicious. That gets my eyes open. Then I tell myself that I get a shot at a clean slate today and I can make it any kind of day that I want it to be so that while I drink my coffee I can decide how to set the tone for my day and work on the computer a little before I go to work. That usually gets me out of bed and headed for my coffee and then when I'm up, I'm on my way. Working out is another one of my frogs. I finally found the one mode of exercise that I like (and I have tried them all) and I make it fun. I love to walk and I live in an area that is so beautiful and a walk is like a trip through paradise, literally (if you live in an area where it is difficult or unsafe to walk, go to a second hand store and find a cheap treadmill). I put in my headphones, setting life to music, and set out on my three-mile trek as I take in the beauty and feel total and complete gratitude for my life and how I have the power to make it what I want it to be.

Take that first step...I dare you. Sit down with a piece of paper and write down your frogs. Make a list of all of the things you dread doing that you either NEED to or want to accomplish, pick out the worst one and have it for breakfast. You won't believe how empowered and awesome you will feel each day after you digest that first frog.



Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

DON'T CHEW ON IT...

Why do people tell us not to “dwell on the past,” or that we should “live for the moment and not look back?” Because bringing the past into your current and everyday life is not a healthy choice.


So many of us like to chew on yesterday. We like to take our anger or resentment at something a person did or said and chew on it like a piece of gum, over and over, switching from one jaw to the other, blowing the occasional bubble, gnawing at it for hours on end until it loses its flavor. We call that ruminating. Learning to let things go is learning to let go...period. It doesn't mean we should let anyone get the better of us or treat us in a way that takes advantage of us, but it does mean learning to let the small stuff wash right off of your back, otherwise you give power to negative emotions, people and situations which can suck you dry.


This being the case, you might ask, “Okay, then why have memories at all? Why are we able to remember the good and bad things that happened yesterday and the days before that? What would be the purpose? Aside from the obvious part about remembering loved ones and good times, I believe the answer is that our memories are reference points. We learn lessons as we go through life and we need to remember those lessons as reference points to not base future decisions on things that didn't work out or had bad results, and we need to remember the good things and the things that did work out in order to make similar decisions in the present.


The ruminating must be replaced with positive actions. As someone who was practically a professional ruminator and could chew on a bad situation for days on end, I know first hand how damaging this can be. I have worked so hard to turn this around and, while I am not there yet, I am seeing such positive and wonderful results when I don't let myself care about small things, things that now seem silly to me that I ever chewed on them in the first place. In fact, I have gone a step further and have found ways to turn situations into something that works for me. I have learned to stop and assess before I react and ask myself which direction to take things so that I achieve the best possible outcome. Again, I am still working on this new set of coping skills and, like all thing it is a process, but I have learned that reacting off the cuff as was always my go-to reaction, has not served me well. I would then chew on things that didn't turn out well. I'm just not that hungry anymore. If you can stop, even if you have to excuse yourself from whatever situation you are in if it involves other people in the room to slip into the restroom etc., then do so in order to make the best decision for you.



Anger is an off-the-cuff reaction and comes on quick. Taking that extra time to kick its ass before it kicks yours can mean the difference between a reaction that will cause you stress and render poor results that you will chew on, and one that will bring only good and positive things into your life resulting in happiness. My advice? Choose to not chew on it and enjoy life before it's gone.


Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT THIS...

(c) 2015 Kimberly D Miller Sunset Over Coos Bay

You know the phrase, “Don't sweat the small stuff?” I have heard this phrase so many times over the years and had always thought it was a useless and meaningless phrase, until recently that is. It is like someone saying to you, “Well...don't feel that way anymore,” which is really a silly thing to say to someone without first educating them on how to go about it.

Logically most of us know that worrying is a useless habit, but a habit none the less. All habits can be broken and the bad habits can be replaced by good habits. We first have to know how to stop sweating the small stuff.

I recently read an article by Lindsay Holmes published in the Huffington Post entitled, “How to Stop Sweating the Small Stuff (For Good).” I found this article to be really informative and helpful and wanted to post it here in the hopes that it will help you to not worry:

“We've probably all heard the phrase "don't make a mountain out of a molehill." The age-old idiom implores us to let go of the little things -- there are bigger things that are worth our energy. And it's the truth. Fretting over a small misstep isn't worth the effort it takes, whether it's being stuck in traffic, suffering from a bad hair day or showing up a few minutes late for dinner.

Despite knowing that we shouldn't sweat the small stuff, we can't help but do it anyway. So how do we kick the habit for good? 

Below are three things you should know about those everyday stressors and how to let them go.

Stressing over the little things can affect our lifespan.

A recent study out of Oregon State University found that older men who tend to obsess over little, everyday annoyances tend to live shorter lives than those who let things roll off their backs. "It’s not the number of hassles that does you in, it's the perception of them being a big deal that causes problems," Carolyn Aldwin, the director of the Center for Healthy Aging Research at OSU, said in the study. "Taking things in stride may protect you." Chronic stress -- in any capacity -- also has an adverse impact on our health. It can lead to high blood pressure, a weak immune system and insomnia.

Even the smallest slights alter our bodies.

When we experience stress, even if it's just a moment of exasperation, the cortisol levels in our bodies change. The hormone spike is minimal compared to monumental stressors (like final exams), but those little surges can add up over time, Nancy Nicolson, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychiatry and psychology at Maastricht University in the Netherlands, told Real Simple earlier this year. According to Nicolson, our cortisol levels may rise 10 to 15 percent when we agonize over something small.

The little things are a fact of life.

We're always going to have those days when we spill coffee, those moments we think our friends are ignoring us or the nights we misplace our keys. We're humans, and it's natural to make mistakes.

As Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, explains, it's our reactions to these minor stressors that determine reality. "Little things going wrong can make you fell angry, sad, frustrated, or even guilty," she wrote in a Psychology Today blog. "Figure out which emotion you’re experiencing. It’s only when you know what your emotion is that you can set about changing that emotion."

Ready for the good news? Research suggests that we may be able to train ourselves to stop sweating the little things. Here are some ways to do it:

Make a comparison.

Sometimes all it takes is a little perspective. That misplaced necklace probably doesn't hold a candle to a big work presentation you faced in the past. Humans are remarkably resilient and in order to practice mental stamina, we have to view things objectively for what they are, Ryan Holiday, author of The Obstacle Is The Way, previously told HuffPost Healthy Living. The stress you experienced from that big event passed -- and this little hassle will, too.

Toss it out.

One effective way to get rid of that little stressor is by physically throwing it away. According to a study published in the journal Psychological Science, writing negative thoughts down on a piece of paper and then tossing them out could help clear your mind. There's nothing more cathartic than literally trashing what's stressing you out.

I also found another great source, but for quotes (I love quotes). These are from Richard Carlson's, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff and It's all Small Stuff. I love these quotes:

“...when you let go of your expectations, when you accept life as it is, you're free.To hold on is to be serious and uptight. To let go is to lighten up.”

“True happiness comes not when we get rid of all of our problems,but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of awakening, opportunities to practice, and to learn.”

“Your heart, the compassionate part of you, knows that it’s impossible to feel better at the expense of someone else.”

“We deny the parts of ourselves that we deem unacceptable rather than accepting the fact that we're all less than perfect.”

“I’m merely talking about learning to be less bothered by the actions of people.”

“When you take time, often to reflect on the miracle of life ... the gift of sight, of love and all the rest, it can help to remind you that many of the things that you think as "big stuff" are really just "small stuff" that you are turning into big stuff.”

“If, however, you take a moment to observe how you actually feel immediately after you criticise someone, you'll notice that you will feel a little deflated and ashamed, almost like you're the one who has been attacked. The reason this is true is that when we criticize, it's a statement to the world and to ourselves, "I have a need to be critical." This isn't something we are usually proud to admit.”

“Try to maintain the perspective that, in time, everything disintegrates and returns to its initial form.”

“Many people live as if life were a dress rehearsal for some later date.”

“I guess it´s safe to say that practice makes perfect. It makes sense, then, to be careful what you practice.”

“As Mother Teresa reminds us, “We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do small things with great love.”

“Being heard and understood is “one of the greatest desires of the human heart.”

“A low mood is not the time to analyze your life. To do so is emotional suicide. If you have a legitimate problem, it will still be there when your state of mind improves. The trick is to be grateful for our good moods and graceful in our low moods—not taking them too seriously. The next time you feel low, for whatever reason, remind yourself, “This too shall pass.” It will.”

“There are two rules for living in harmony. #1) Don’t sweat the small stuff and #2) It’s all small.”

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

TAKE MY HEART...

(c) Kimberly D Miller

Barn in Lakeside, Oregon

As I sat on the beach eating lunch today, basking in the beauty of the horizon, marveling at how it gently pushed the waves to the shore, I felt so comfortable in my own skin...so at peace and so grateful to be alive. Gazing into the sand I noticed that each individual grain, like each individual human being, is so different from one another and seems so small and insignificant on its own, however all of the grains together make up an entire beach, inasmuch as all human beings make up humanity.


I also had a realization that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but rather we are spiritual beings having a human experience and in that human experience we are capable of giving and receiving love...how awesome is that? It sets us apart from other species and it is what makes us so unique and wonderful. In that moment I felt a poem enrapture me, longing to jump out onto the blank page before me (poems usually leave my soul in this way) and I wanted to share it:

TAKE MY HEART

(c) August 2015 Kimberly D Miller

Take my heart, all of it, a gift from me to you;

Let's break the rules, let's be ourselves, let's start a life anew;

We're laying inside a blanket of faith, holding on so dear;

We're swimming in romance, drowning in love, year after year after year;

Release your fears, inhale the truth and look into my eyes;

Hold my hand and pull me in, let's feel our passion rise;

Within your eyes I see the truth, buried deep inside;

Taste the life I offer you and try it on for size;

Take my heart, in your hands, you can have it all;

We are bound, each to each, one to one, soul to soul.

I hope you find the time to sit in an environment that makes you feel at peace and ponder just how wonderful life really is so you will know deep down in your soul in that moment, that all things will work out they way they should...they have no other choice.

Deer in My Front Yard

(c) Kimberly D Miller

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect that my work is original and copyrighted and may not be shared without express permission.  Happy blogging.

FOR MY SAPPHIC SISTERS...

Those who know me know that I live and breathe the written word, especially those of poems. I love to write poetry, sometimes due to the urgency of what wishes to escape my soul in expresion I have to write poetry and am currently working on a book that incorporates my photographs with my poems, more specifically my lesbian poems, which I dedicate to my Sapphic sisters.


Not long ago someone asked me about the word Sapphic when I used it in a conversation. It then occurred to me that not everyone may be as big of a Greek Mythology buff as I am, and that prompted me to want to share with you one of my favorite ladies of that era: Sappho (pronounced Saffo). This short bio from Biography.com doesn't do her much justice, but to delve into what is known about her and her poetry would take literally pages of posting: “Ancient Greek lyric poet Sappho lived on the island of Lesbos, from which the term lesbian was derived, and wrote poetry expressing her love of women. Synopsis Sappho was born c. 610 B.C. in Lesbos, Greece. She was temporarily exiled to Sicily c. 600 B.C. During her lifetime she wrote love poems expressing her love for both men and women. Sappho died c. 670 B.C. in Lesbos, Greece. Her poems were posthumously compiled into nine books in the third century B.C. As of the 19th century, the word lesbian was thought to be derived from the name of her town.”

One of her poems in particular, He Is More Than A Hero, is probably my all time favorite. It was interpreted for an episode of Xena, Warrior Princess called Many Happy Returns in which Xena went to Sappho and had her write a poem for her to give to Gabrielle on her birthday which relayed her feelings. When I heard this poem on the episode I just had to go online and find this version for it moved me to the very core of my soul. I think if I had to choose only one poem to know and cherish for the rest of my life, it would be this one:

“Equal to a god, that person seems to me.
That is, whoever sits across from you,
so close, savouring your sweet voice...
and your thrilling laugh,
that makes my heart reel inside my breast.
For when I look at you, even for an instant,
speech becomes impossible.
words desert me, my tongue broken,
as a swift, subtle flame spreads throughout my skin.
My eyes are blinded,
roaring fills my ears,
cold sweat cascades over me,
and trembling assaults me.
I am greener than the grass,
and in my desperation,
I seem to have come to the very threshold
of Death.
For I am dying, of such love.
But still I must endure all of this...

- by SapphoTranslation by Alexiares”

To my Sapphic sisters and all women who read this post and know what it is like to feel these things for another woman, I dedicate this post to you and hope that you will find as much joy in the recovered stanzas of Sappho's poetry as I do.



Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

GO FORTH AIMLESSLY...

So many times in life we yearn for things to change, and yet we often feel we don't know how to get started in the direction of the desired change.  We also lose sight of the fact that change is the center of life so it would stand to reason that things you desire in your current reality are not necessarily things you will want or need for the rest of your life...just for a time.  Sometimes we look back at a change we made and realize it no longer suits us, but that is how it is supposed to be as that change was what you wanted and needed at that particular time in your life.

I can remember thinking more often than not, that I would change (this or that) in my life if only I (had more money, had more time, had help, had a partner, had blah, blah blah).  Soon after that thought I would give up because everything felt as though it hinged on having something else that I didn't have.  

What I now know from experience is this:  If you go after it, you will obtain it...period.  I wanted to move to Oregon and, at the time had very little money, but I threw caution to the wind and decided to have blind faith.  I put it out there that that was what I wanted to do and suddenly I got all these ideas about how to raise enough money for the move and how to find a place to live when I got there.  

When you desire change you have to go forth aimlessly and meet fate head on with no fear, no plans in place and no concrete evidence that what you are about to do will succeed.  Some call this blind faith.  Having faith in yourself and what you want is what brings it all about.  I have people say to me all the time that they would do certain things "if they could" but they are scared that they will not succeed or, on the other side of the coin, they know that in order to achieve the change they desire they will have to stir up what will feel like a hornets nest within their circle of family and friends and that scares them or stops them.  In either case, you have to want it badly enough to know that you can have it and that whatever you have to do or "stir up" in order to achieve this change, will be worth it in the end.  There are some situations in which it can feel worse before it gets better, but that doesn't have to be the case.  If you are true to yourself and true to your convictions about what you are doing, there is no reason to feel bad about your choices.  Feeling good about them and being confident that you can have anything you desire is the only way it will come about.

Yes, you will undoubtedly feel at times like you have to go outside of your comfort zone, but then again, comfort is overrated.  No one ever said that life will be comfortable at all times and, because it isn't, you can therefore appreciate comfort more when it comes along.  I so feel for people who bury themselves so deep in comfort zones that they seldom, if ever, stray outside of them and therefore never really live.  Sitting home and watching t.v. after work may be comfortable to some and I'm certain there are those people who really want nothing more out of life, but don't you want to live your life?  Don't you want to experience all of the good and wonderful things and experiences there are out there before you die?  Don't you want to know that all changes can be good and prosperous and joyous?

Do yourself this justice...wander aimlessly toward what you want to change in your life and meet and greet that unknown fate.  Throw fear in the garbage where it belongs and know in your heart and soul that everything WILL work out...it always does and it always will.



Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

PICNIC. ..

I brought a picnic lunch to the redwoods today for lunch. ..communing with nature as often as you can is the best way i know to stay grounded and at peace. ..bask in the beauty of all that exists and be grateful

REVERE THE AGED. ..

If there is one lesson that most people find difficult to learn, especially when we are young. It is to learn to revere people who are older and wiser than we are.

How many times, as you've grown older have you heard yourself say, "iIf only i had listened to. .. (insert name here)."  The older I get the more I realize that my life would have been so much easier in certain areas had i listened to my mom and dad's advice, as well as that of my grandparents and everyone else in my life who was older. ..had i listened and not thought i knew all there was to know about life at my young age. 

The flaw with that theory however is that our destiny is our destiny and we are meant to follow a certain path to get where we need to be,regardless of the advice we choose to heed, but i do believe the path will lead to the same place whether we choose to take the easy road or the hard road. ..that is where the choice lies.  In the past it seems i have frequently chosen the path with the hot coals where i take my shoes off and jump from coal to coal scarring my feet on each lump of coal as I wince with pain.

I now know that another road exists off to the side of that one where you can take your shoes off and walk in the cool, green grass while reveling in the beauty that surrounds you and often that is the path that older and wiser people have told me to take based on their experience. 

I now try to put my stubborn Taurus, Irish, German roots aside and open up enough to listen to the possibilities and advice that others have to offer based on their experience ...not all of them older, but many of them wise because of what they have been through. 

If you have older people in your life, remember to listen to their advice and take from it what will work for you ...they have been through it and come out the other side.

I WANT YOU TO STRIP...

 (c) 2015 Kimberly D Miller

Calm down...I don't mean that you should strip and take your clothes off for anyone...lol. I am referring, in the physical realm only to strip your life of "things" and in the emotional realm, to strip yourself of anything that isn't beneficial in your here and now.

One of the things I had to do to move out of my old life and into my new, was to sell off practically everything I owned...my house, all of the stuff in my house including all of the antiques I had spent years collecting, clothes, tools, and anything else that wasn't nailed down in order to obtain enough money for this giant change I needed to effectuate.  For me, especially at the time, this was SO hard to do because I needed my things, at least that is what I told myself because I spent so many years collecting them all and making sure my house was all I wanted it to be and that I was surrounded by "stuff" that made me happy. When I finally arrived at my new destination I was amazed by how light I felt and I realized it was because I didn't have all of that stuff weighing me down anymore.  I actually didn't even realize it was weighing me down until I didn't have it in my life anymore.  Now I am quite the opposite...I live a very minimalistic life (as much as an artist can).  I now know that what is important in life is not the car, the house, the stuff in the house and the job...it is the experiences we have, the adventures, the excitements, the trips, the friendships, the laughter, the love and the joy. The same goes for anything you hold onto on an emotional level because anything that isn't in the here and the now, isn't important anymore.

I realized one day that I spent a lot of my life filling my emotional voids with things that I could buy.  For me, depression equaled a shopping trip for a quick pick-me-up, but also one that didn't last for long. Usually the thing that I bought to make me feel better would do so for about a day and then I felt guilty and torn apart by buyer's remorse, so-to-speak. I would shop even when I didn't have the money to shop and that lead to credit cards I didn't need and overcharging and over-spending to the point that I could not pay my bills and would end up in huge financial distress.

I recently found an article on a blog entitled, "Financially Free Now," and it addressed this subject quite nicely.  I have inserted it below for you to read:

“Increases in material possessions may well be accompanied by a decrease in happiness. This phenomenon, termed the ‘hedonic treadmill’, says that as possessions increase, so do people’s expectations. Over time, people become less sensitized towards their possessions and require even more new possessions just to sustain the same level of happiness as before”. The quote made me think for a moment and made me interested in reading the article.

Due to mass media and advertisements, people are made to believe that their well-being and self-worth are defined by what they wear, drive and use. Therefore, consumers go after the latest gadget and things that they do not really need in their lives. They think that acquiring these items will bring them happiness. However, research has debunked this proposition by demonstrating that neither the ability to acquire nor the actual acquisition of material goods brings about sustainable increase in happiness. Instead, buying more material goods, requires even more new possessions to maintain the same level of happiness as before. This reminds me of the usage of drugs or alcohols. The more you take, the more you need to consume the next time to sustain the previous levels of “feeling good”. In gaming terms, you have “upped your level”.

So what generates sustainable happiness in us? Research has shown that experiences far outweigh material goods in generating happiness. Such experiences can be going for a spa, going to the concert, going on a holiday and dining in a chic restaurant. The reason for this is that experiences are more central to one’s identity than material goods. Such experiences also have greater social value than acquisition of material goods. Attending a concert, for example, allows interactions with other people whereas material acquisition does not. Most material possessions like buying a watch, clothes or handbags necessarily benefits only the individual without much social interaction.

NUS Business School had studied material and experiential purchases in Singapore. Consistent with past research, they observed that people were happier with experiences rather than the material goods they bought."

I still go antiquing and I still love it, but now I do more looking than I do buying and while I love to go to the mall to window shop, I generally walk out with just an ice cream cone, if that. 

Do yourself a favor and live life for life itself...go places that make you happy, spend time with people you enjoy...including yourself, and laugh until you pee your pants for these are the things that matter. 

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

DATE YOURSELF...

(c) 2015 - Yachats, Oregon

Something i have learned as I age is that you should take yourself out on dates from time to time and enjoy your own company. ..

While i realize that some people have a difficult time doing things alone I am hopeful that those of you with that fear will from time to time, force yourself out of your comfort zone more often than not and just pick up and go and do things that you have always wanted to do or just enjoy doing and take those day excursions and take yourself out for a meal or a show or both. ..

Today i took myself far north up the coast of Oregon and rode horses on the beach in Florence then further north for wine tasting and dinner in Yachats...i even found a sinfully delicious Oregon wine called Passion...right up my alley...yeah, 2 bottles made their way home with me. ..

Whatever or wherever you enjoy ...go do it and take yourself out for the day. ..i know you will discover a part of you that you love spending time with.

(yeah, I look like Special Edna with my hair up under that silly helmet...lmao)

DO YOU HAVE CHANGE...

(c)2015 Kimberly D Miller

It's inevitable, it's coming, every day in every way and you cannot stop it no matter what you do...it's CHANGE.  

Merriam-Webster defines the word Change as follows:

1

a :  to make different in some particular : 

b :  to make radically different 

c :  to give a different position, course, or                 direction to

We all want it and we all fight it.  If not for change the world would be such a dull place.  Some of it is positive and some of it is not always so pleasant but the world is as we make it so it can all be positive in some way if we choose to see it that way.  I recently read an article by Rhonda Rabow, M.D. entitled, "Learn 5 Simple Steps to Making Lasting Changes." I thought she had a lot to offer on the subject and so I am posting it below for your perusal.  She makes a lot of really great points and offers some great steps to try.  I like that she talks about accepting change as what it can be and what we are gaining and not what we are losing...she states:

"One of the most common challenges I have heard my clients express is their difficulty to deal with or accept changes. Whether it is a change at work, at home, in their relationships, in their body, in their income or lifestyle; they all find it very challenging and disturbing and there is always a lot of resistance in accepting the fact that changes need to be made. One the one hand we all want to grow and improve our lives yet on the other hand we can find endless reasons and excuses for why we haven't taken the first step. It is for this reason that I thought this would be an interesting article for you to read and I hope it will help you with the changes you feel you need to make in your life.

Empowerment Quote The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Why is change so hard to achieve? First I think it is important to understand why people are so resistant to change. Many say there are 2 motivators to make a change. The first is when pursuing pleasure and the second is to avoid pain, You need to believe you are doing one or the other in order to be motivated to make changes. Most people are afraid of change. They focus more on what they might be losing rather than how the change will improve their life. Another reason for the resistance is they don't want to move out of their comfort zone. People will stay in an unhappy or even toxic relationship rather than leave, because as toxic as the situation is, it is a known that they are used to and they choose this rather than get out of their comfort zone to make a change. How many people join the gym in January only to stop going by February? They want to get in shape or else they wouldn't have joined, but if they don't have a plan and strategy to keep motivated, they lose interest, become discouraged and then drop out. In life there is one thing which is constant, and that is change. Yet, change is something we all battle.

5 Steps to change

1. Accept that you need to make a change. Write down all the pros and cons for making this change. Tell someone your decision. This will give you accountability which will help you to stay motivated.

2. You need to have a plan and a strategy. If you want to get into shape, it's not enough to say you should join a gym. You need to find one and register for it. You need to wire yourself for success. If you notice that after work you are tired, find a gym close by, or go with a friend who will motivate you, or go to a gym on your lunch time. You need to expect you won't always feel like it but block in a schedule in your agenda that will help you to follow through.

3. Change your perspective. Instead of seeing change as something exhausting and difficult. See it as an opportunity for growth that will help raise your self- esteem and empower yourself. Growth is the process of reaching for something new while letting go of the old. Growth always leads to positive change in our lives. Whether it is a new relationship, a new job or exercise program. Making changes leads to positive change as it shifts from the old to embrace the new. Growth is the foundation of evolution and challenges us to become more in some area of our lives. Growth always produces change, but change does not necessarily produce growth. Growth is about evolving to become more of who you are meant to be.

4. Change your perspective. Instead of focusing only on what you are losing or giving up, consider how you will feel once you have accomplished your goal. Get excited about it. Genuine change involves emotion. Emotions enhance your motivation and they must be a part of change before genuine change can occur. Think about the peace, the pride, and sense of accomplishment you will enjoy once you have accomplished your goal.

5. Be persistent. Changes can take time. Start off with one step. Make an appointment to see the lawyer, the new gym, or get an interview for another job. You don't have to take the job or get the divorce; just get the information and consider your options. You are in control of what you do with this information, when, how and if you decide to proceed with it, but knowledge is power, the more you know the more empowered you will feel."

I hope you will find something in this post that will help you embrace change because to embrace change is to embrace life and who doesn't love a good embrace.


Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.

DO YOU HAVE IT TO GIVE???

(c)2015 Kimberly D. Miller

This morning I was perusing through some literature on humanity and I came across a passage by Joyce Meyer, who is one of my all-time favorite ladies.  She said:

"When Jesus talked about the greatest commandment of all, He quoted Deuteronomy 6:5 and said we are to love God with all our heart. But He also added the second greatest commandment: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (See Mark 12:31.)

There's something important here that I think people often miss: You cannot give away something you don't have in you. How can someone love another person if they don't love themselves?

“ You cannot give away something you don't have in you. ”

We all need to accept ourselves, embrace our personalities and even our imperfections, knowing that although we are not where we need to be, we are making progress. Jesus died for us because we have weaknesses and imperfections, and we don't have to reject ourselves because of them. God wants us to love ourselves and enjoy how He's made us!"

This quote speaks volumes to me and, while the principle is obvious, the execution is somewhat difficult to achieve for some, including myself.  It is one thing to say you love yourself, but quite another to prove it, which reminds me of the saying, "the proof of the pudding is in the eating (whittled down over the years to, 'the proof is in the pudding')."  In other words, show me, don't tell me.  If you say you love yourself, then show yourself.  Have respect for the choices that are best for you and no one else.  Never settle for less than you want in your life, in fact never settle.  Please yourself first and others second. Every time you make a choice or decision in your life, show yourself that you have your best interest at heart and that you will not bow down to be the version of yourself that others see. 

Abraham Hicks states that, "If you will give more attention to what is flowing through you toward something instead of what is flowing through someone else toward you, things will get better right away."  Now I'm not saying you shouldn't help others or be a kind and courteous soul, but that when you treat yourself this way first and foremost it will shine through you toward others and you will be helping others for the right reasons.  If you help someone for the sake of helping them and expect absolutely nothing in return, not even gratitude, then you are doing it for the right reasons.  If you help others to gain popularity or be liked or have expectations of receiving something in return, then you need to work on yourself.  Loving yourself and putting yourself first means that you will have no more anxiety or depression because you care not about how others view you...their judgments, their games, their opinions of your life will no longer be important to you and therefore you will relax and be settled and centered in your own skin.

Do I have this principle down myself?  Not all the way for sure because l am constantly changing and growing as everyone does, but I have a great start on it. I have never had much self-esteem, but I can honestly say that compared to who I was two years ago, I am definitely out of the starting gate and headed around the corner in this area.  

Life is a long path and if we can figure out the most positive and joyous way to make it to the end of this path, our journey will be blessed with few hills and potholes along the way.

Thank you for taking the time to stop and visit and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Happy blogging.