PROOF THAT SIGNS EXIST

I have always been quite "sensitive" and those of you who have known me for a long time know that from time to time I am privy to information regarding the future.  I acquired this gift from my mother who acquired it from her mother and back so many generations it's quite impossible to say just where it began.  I mention this fact only because recently I have been trying to come to terms with issues regarding my father and why I feel that he never loved me.  

I realize my feelings in this area are largely based on the fact that he banned me from his life three and a half years before he died for the stupidest of all stupid reasons (he was very big on the "my way or the highway" theory of life), but I know deep down, during childhood, that he must have loved me to some degree.  I just could not remember the man ever saying, "I love you," to me or my brothers.  Hugs from him were pretty much nonexistent, but the occasional light punch in the arm followed by a, "Hey kiddo," was what I interpreted to be the extent of his outwardly affectionate capabilities.  He was brought up in a strict German family and I remember his mother being "nice" but there was no physical attention from her either.  I don't believe my father was hugged or told that he was loved very often.

Don't get me wrong though, my dad was a great provider for our family, he showered us with material things to compensate, and aside from the alcohol he needed to consume daily, he was funny and sarcastic, which were qualities each of us kids adopted as social coping skills.  

Now that you have the back story I will move on.  The other day, purely because I was sidetracked, which comes easily to me, I came home from work still pondering over my father issues when I wandered into the spare room and decided to un-stick the drawer on the old trunk my father made when he was a boy and which was given to me in my teens to use as a hope chest.  I was drawn to this drawer.  A drawer I hadn't thought to even go near in over a year.  I gathered the necessary tools and busily went to work un-sticking that bottom drawer as though I were driven to do it.  When I finally succeeded, the drawer opened and lo and behold there were a plethora of things from my childhood that I had forgotten even existed.  One in particular was an Autograph book that was given to me on my 13th birthday and which I treasured and took everywhere with me over the years to have people write in.  I opened that book to this page.  I couldn't believe what I saw.  My eyes went straight to the, "Love always," part of this page.  For the life of me I could not remember this being in this book, but there it was, plain as day; proof that he loved me.

Isn't it wonderful how well it works if you listen and follow the signs you are led to in life.  Thank you universe for this fulfilling closure on this chapter of my life.  I am now honestly able to forgive my father (although he died in 1995), rid myself of years of negative muck in this area, and move forward toward a healthier me.

WIPE THE SLATE CLEAN

Ever notice how we, as human beings, tend to worry about things we have no control over.  In fact worry, by its very definition, means to fret about things that haven’t happened yet, which of course 99.9 percent of the time are things we have no control over.  Me?  Worry?  Guilty on all counts.  I don’t think everyone does it as often or as much as I seem to, and yet others surpass my worrying skills with leaps and bounds.  

The other day I caught myself worrying about some silly thing (usually money, or lack thereof) and boom, it hit me.  I realized that each day we are given this wonderful gift, the gift of a new day, right when we wake up, and if we choose to do so, we start it with a clean slate.  We don’t have to carry anything over from the previous day if we make that conscious decision.  So, with this in mind, I woke up the next morning (thank you, God,) and I made that conscious decision to carry nothing over from the day before and see how this would work for me.  

It was great!  I saw everything I had to deal with as a task to meet head on.  As I met each task and made the appropriate decision for that task, I told myself, “yes, another successful task under my belt and ready for the next one.”  At the end of the day there I was, someone who had met each task head on, put them under her belt, went home, went to sleep, and wiped the slate clean for the next day.  As I continued this pattern daily it became easier and easier to think of situations, not as problems, but as tasks to conquer and put behind me as I conquered them.

The result?  I am so much more positive these days (which for me is huge) and I find I have more faith readily available than I used to.  As these positive results continue to grow, my overall mental (and thereby physical) health has seen improvement.  Worrying is so bad for our health and is a huge part of what we term these days as “stress.”  Take the worry out of the situation and you take most, if not all, of the stress.  De-stress people.  Wipe the slate clean.  You will feel much better, I guarantee it!