If people were honest…I mean
gut-wrenchinly honest with themselves, and they fully exercised this
honesty/integrity when making decisions that affect the rest of their lives,
the world would certainly be a much more positive place to live because it
would consist of a greater percentage of truly happy people. Unfortunately that is not the case.
I believe people who feel mean and
frustrated and angry all the time, made life choices that were not true to what
they really, really wanted at the time of the decision and ultimately, what
they wanted out of life. Sometimes they
made decisions “for the good of everyone involved,” but it did not suit them
well. Sometimes they made decisions to
please a spouse or partner,” but it did not serve them well. Sometimes they made decisions “for the good
of the child/children,” but that did not bring happiness to them. Sometimes they made decisions because they “didn’t
want to hurt the other person/people involved,” and that went south as
well. Even though a lot of the decisions
we make affect others, ultimately, if they are not conducive to happiness
within our hearts and souls, somewhere down the line they turn to dis-ease
(hence the term “disease).
There is a lot to be said for spontaneity,
however who we are and what we actually want in and from life, requires not only
thought and feeling, but honesty toward both.
Our thought process is influenced by how we feel at the time of the
decision…what we see, what we hear and what we desire. All of these factors weigh in on our ultimate
choice, and that is as it should be, however, that being said…I now ask myself,
“What would Mr. Spock do?” Having been a
child of the original Star Trek generation, I often envied Mr. Spock’s ability
to find the logic in every situation.
True he sometimes missed out on love and lots of fun and frivolous
things we humans enjoy, but in the end, Mr. Spock had a pretty great life, just
being logical. Do I think everyone
should go through life relying on nothing but logic? Absolutely not, but I do think that if we
honored our deep wants and needs with honesty and profound integrity, and
exercised logic in our decision-making, we would make decisions that granted us
true happiness. Examples that come to
mind are a parents’ decision to stay together “for the good of the children.” Yeah, I’m here to tell you that the fighting
and tension between parents is not good for the children. Both parties lead very unhappy lives for a
very long time. Another example might be
wanting to be with someone because you know in your heart and soul it would
make you happy beyond belief and that there is no question that this is the
right person for you…that this person completes you, and then you stay in the
situation you are in so you don’t “hurt” everyone else involved and you never
know how amazingly happy and fulfilling life could have been. Then there is fear, my least favorite “F”
word. At the base of both of the above
examples lies fear. In the first example
it would be fear of losing time with the kids, fear of losing a relationship
you thought was supposed to last, fear of not being good enough, fear of not
being loved by any and all of the people involved and fear of loss. In the second relationship, fear of hurting
the people in your life (but if they were truly good for you in the first place
they would understand), fear of not being liked by them anymore, fear of not
being good enough, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown and ultimately a lack
of faith in all things good and all things positive.
When you find yourself approaching the
end of your life, if you have regrets by all of the chances you didn’t take,
the paths you didn’t follow, the people you passed by for things you didn’t
actually want, wouldn’t you feel anger and regret and frustration? The people you want to be with should be the
people you are with. The career you want
to pursue, should be the career you are currently pursuing and the goals you
have for your future, should be what you are setting your sights on. Of course there are going to be people who
will have to leave our lives as we make these changes because, let’s face it,
getting to where we are in this moment in time involved bringing people into
our lives based on decisions that weren’t made with honesty, but if any of
these people, be it friends or family, are true to you and your relationship
with them, won’t they ultimately want what is best for you? Won’t they willingly move aside for your
happiness? If the answer to that
question is no, then, for me at least, that would bring up an entire barrage of
questions about what I was doing with this person and why I was in this
situation and, whenever I have done this in the past, very large changes have
occurred, each and every one of them for the better. Coming out of the closet was a huge fear for
me, but when I finally met it with honesty and trusted that everyone in my life
would understand and would let me be me, they did on both counts. Those that didn’t are not longer in my life
and that is as it should be.
The people I know who have happy family
lives and happy careers are the people who honored what they wanted. They fought for the love of their lives and
they knew early on what career would make them happy and they fought for
that. They fought for a life they wanted
and when you do that, you will win.
You only get this one chance so why
screw it up with fear? Be the person you
want to be and have the life you WANT to have before it’s too late. Weigh your decisions based on your ultimate
happiness, with honesty, and above-all, with courage…after all, what would Mr.
Spock do?
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