10 THINGS YOU MUST GIVE UP TO ACHIEVE HAPPINESS AND BALANCE...
1. Limiting beliefs: One of the saddest things that Americas societal standards have done to us as we have matured and developed is that is has taught us to believe in limitations. “Know your limitations,” or “There is only so much to go around,” or “We barely eek out a living,” are sayings that I grew up with and total nonsense. If you believe you are limited...you will be...it's that simple. If you believe you can have it all and then go back for seconds and thirds and so on...you can. What you believe is what you manifest. Those of us who grew up with such limiting belief systems will have a tough time grasping this concept at first, I know I did, but then I got proof. Everything I told myself I could have, started falling right into my lap the minute I truly believed it could. This is still not an easy concept for me to manage daily as yet, but one I am working diligently on as it is so worth it. Part of the formula for success here, and the part that I believe to be key, is to know that you deserve it. You deserve to have abundance and wealth of anything and everything you desire. Abundance is everywhere...there is no real shortage of anything...that is a man-made concept and the universe will refute it every chance it gets...if you let it. Believe in yourself and your worth and you can manifest it all.
2. Dwelling on the past: I've said it before and I will say it again, living in the past creates regret and depression. If you always think about what might have been you get depressed...if you think about sad and hurtful memories you get depressed...if you think about happy times that will never come again, you get depressed...if you think of things you didn't do or accomplish when you had the chance, you have regrets. None of these things are positive and none of them are healthy. Living in the here and the now is the only way to keep yourself positive and centered. You need to know that the past is past and should stay there...that the lessons you learned in the past are what got you here and that they were all necessary in your particular story for your unique path. Leave the past in the past and live in the moment.
3. Worrying about the future: This is a sore spot with me because it is a trait of which I used to be a master. I learned from the best of the generations before me that worrying was what you did. Not just from the standpoint of being a concerned parent, etc., but that worrying was a part of everyday life and that it must be done. I have a very close friend (you know who you are) who worries if the wind doesn't blow in the right direction that day because the news report said that it would and she had plans that centered around the wind blowing in the particular direction that day (yes, this is exaggerated, but not by much). Worry is fear-based. It comes from fear of a lack of control. People who worry about everything tend to be people who need to have control over every little detail in their life (which comes from a lack of trust in anyone and anything) and the lives of those they care about. How exhausting is that! It is very exhausting as I know first-hand. First of all, people are capable of running their own lives as that is why they are here on the planet and in this realm...to run their own, individual, and unique lives. They don't need someone there planning out their details for them (and even if they did, it isn't the responsibility of one individual). Planning is such a buzz kill when it comes to life and love and romance and spontaneity and passion and excitement and humanity and joy and positivity. Yes, it's great to plan ahead for some details of a trip or something, but then again there is a lot to be said about just flying by the seat of your pants. I know the best stories I have are the ones in which spontaneity was the host of my particular party. All worry really accomplishes is to bring about the very result you are worried about because you draw it to you and manifest it with your negative thoughts, and to decrease your ease and cause you ill health or dis-ease. No good ever comes from worry. In fact, I've never heard anyone say, “Thank God Mary worried about me. I just know it wouldn't have worked out if she hadn't,” and there poor Mary sits with her accolades yes, but bed-ridden with her ulcer, high blood pressure and depression. Leave worry where it belongs...to the universe...to the heavens. Live in the here and now and let the future take care of itself...I guarantee you...IT WILL!!!
4. Negative self-talk: All too often I hear friends of mine, even random strangers, putting themselves down. What is up with that? Do they not realize that they are every bit as wonderful as every other person on this planet? Do they not realize that they are every bit as worthwhile and special and unique and have something to add just by their very existence? Hmmm, I guess the answer here is no. How sad this is to me. This was yet another trait I used to curl up with in bed, but no more. Once I realized that I have so much to offer in my way and that I am just as valuable a human being as everyone else, I feel like I can do no wrong. When you mess up in life, as we will do all the time no matter whose standards we are not meeting, we tend to not only have others point out our faults, but we then follow through with the negative self-talk, i.e., “Yeah, you heard her, you screwed this up. Anyone else would have done it right. It doesn't matter that you have done everything right for the past three years with no mention, but now you've gone and screwed up this one thing. How can you be so stupid? I mean really, I thought you were better than that. Now you know what will happen...people will be mad at you. They might not even like you and you need everyone to like you or your world will fall apart. So dumb. I can't believe you could be so dumb. You should know better.” Really? You should know better than to have a moment in time in which you didn't live up to someone's expectations, including your own? Here's an idea...wouldn't it be great if we cut ourselves some slack? Try replacing that negative self-talk with something like this, “Wow, I didn't get that quite right according to (insert name here). I will pay more attention to that detail the next time and I will apologize if my mistake hurt anyone or caused them a problem in their work or lives. I learned a lesson though and now I know how to handle that properly going forward. Good job (insert your name here) on correcting the situation and cutting yourself some slack for being human. We all make mistakes.” No one is better than anyone else. The sooner you believe that the sooner you will flourish in life.
5. The need to impress others: Why do people always want to impress other people? The answer? Because they don't impress themselves. Trying so hard to make other people notice you and like you is such a waste of time. People are going to like you if they do and they are not going to like you if they don't. No amount of effort on your part is going to change that, nor should it. There is a secret here that when learned, will take you all the way: love yourself and everyone around you will gravitate toward you. Show everyone that you don't need them and that you love who you are despite them, and they won't be able to help being incredibly drawn to your self-confidence. Impress yourself because in the long run, no one else's opinion or judgment of you matters.
6. Complaining: Some people vent and some people complain. What is the difference you might ask? Intention. Venting is having someone listen to you while you work out a problem or situation...sort of thinking out loud with a human sound board near you and actually coming up with a solution or a path to a solution. Complaining on the other hand is the act of whining just for the sake of whining and not doing anything to work it out. “I don't like blah, blah, blah,” or “I feel blah, blah, blah,” or “I can't blah, blah, blah,” and then sit there moping about day after day, night after night without any effort on your part to change. You need to do the work to change the situation that makes you unhappy because complaining will get you nowhere...at all. This is a trait that you can turn around into positive results with a little effort and you will become centered when you give this up.
7. The need to always be right: This has always been a huge part of who I am until a very close friend of mine told me a story one day about not having to be right. I was like, “Really? I don't have to prove that I am right in a situation? I thought I did. I always felt like I had to interject with something in the conversation that would prove I was right. What a lot of energy that entails. It turns out all I was really trying to do was to say, “Look at me...I know stuff...aren't I something.” This is definitely a cry for attention. Now, when confronted with situations in which I used to rush to be right I just say in my head (or sometimes out loud), “I don't need to be right...the situation is what it is and I know my part in it.” That's it. It changed my life and it will change yours too if you just let it go.
8. Resistance to change: If there is one thing that is a certainty in this world it is this...change is imminent. Most people associate the word “change” with negativity. Change is not always bad, nor is it always good...it just is. All things, all people will change because everything in this realm is in flux. When you fight change you bring chaos, drama and negativity into your life. You push against it and try to keep everything the same when all that does is cause decay and rot inside of you...keeping you in the same situation, not moving forward...settling for what you think you deserve because there is nothing better. You want things to get better but your fear of the unknown causes you to push against change and try to keep it at bay. When you let in and welcome it as it comes, good or bad, right or wrong, in the moment, you reap the benefits of whatever that change is and you have the ability to interject positivity into it as it comes, which will always manifest the best possible outcome.
9. Blaming others: Isn't it easier to blame everything that happens to us on other people? This is yet another pet peeve of mine. I literally cringe when I hear people say to me or someone else, “He/she made me mad (or sad or mean or cry or anxious or …).” No one can make you feel something you don't want to feel. “He/she broke my heart.” Really? Someone reached inside of your chest and literally broke your heart? Come on...not really. You are responsible for your feelings and you can choose to feel hurt or cry or be angry over a situation, but remember that you chose to feel that way and it was because of the decisions that you made, no one else made those decisions in your life, that put you in that situation in the first place. If you ever start a sentence with, “That/this isn't fair...” then you need to stop yourself right there. Fairness is a myth...a concept we create to tell ourselves that other people are at fault for us not feeling up to par with them. Why did so and so get the job I was working so hard to get? Because it was meant to be and no matter how it went down, there is no right or wrong in the situation, only what was. It sucks sometime and you may not consider it “fair”, but then again, if you don't take responsibility for the decisions you make and the outcomes of those decisions and you blame other people for how you feel or for what happens in your life, then you don't have to answer to yourself (the most critical judge in your world). The healthy thing to do here is to realize that things happen (the concept of accepting change) and your reaction to them is 99% of how it will affect you. Grasp that and you will be centered and happy. Happiness is a choice.
10. The need for others' approval: If you are a people-pleaser you are going to need others peoples' approval of you to validate who you are. Why??? Why do you care? The only opinion that should ever matter to you is your own. Trying to please everyone else all the time is a marked sign of low self-confidence and self-esteem. It shows the people in your world that you are more concerned with their feelings because yours don't matter. You basically put out a Welcome mat that reads, “Walk all over me...It's okay...I don't matter.” Ouch! This used to be one of my favorite traits back in the day. I think I still have muddy footprints left on my back. It's one thing to be nice to other people at work, at home, in public or wherever, but you have to draw the line at being used. When you possess self-confidence you can say, “Sure I would be happy to stay at work and help you out, but I will need to be paid for that time,” or “I would love to help you with that work load, but let's do it tomorrow so we don't have to stay late. I have plans after work, etc.” In fact this is a great example...I just finished driving 7 hours today when I returned to work and my boss said, “Could you run this part over to the mill?” I was tired and it was right at quitting time for me, so I said, “Sorry, but no.” He then said, “It's over time if you will.” I did it for the over time and sure, from time to time I will do the odd favor at work, but not if it compromises who I am, my time or how I'm feeling. It just isn't worth it. I refuse to make myself sick over silly things like this anymore and you should too. You can still be nice without compromising your health or your life. You are worthwhile, just as they are, but if you look around you and notice that everyone in your life wants something from you because you will do it and you never say no, ask yourself if this is a good thing. You already know the answer. You have to eliminate negative users from your life. Care what YOU think, not what they think. It doesn't matter what they think and the word NO is your friend. If people don't “like you” or get mad at you or try to give you guilt over the fact that you said no, then how could you honestly say that these are real and genuine friends who care about you...merely for who you are and not what you can do for them. They are suckers who suck the generosity from you as much as they can. I eliminate suckers from my life and for me I am the better and so much more at ease with the people who are now in my life because first and foremost I don't care what they think of me and I know they are in my life because they love and care about me for who I am...not what I can do for them.
Eliminating all of these traits from your life may sound tough and even daunting at first, but doing so will bring happiness and balance into your life...a life that will equal no other...nor should it. Be unique (I love it when people call me weird...it is the greatest compliment I could ever receive and I always say thank you afterward...weird is unique). Love yourself because you are amazingly awesome!!!
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