I AM UNDER THE INFLUENCE...

I AM UNDER THE INFLUENCE...of so many people who have touched my life.  Only a handful have remained constant, tried and true and they are the people who are meant to be there.

Did you ever stop to think about the reasons people enter our lives?  Some stay forever, but the majority are here and gone once their purpose has been fulfilled.  God's plan includes these particular souls to touch our lives in order for us to move forward or to heal or to get to where we need to be.  Even a person you abhor can have a reason for touching your life in a negative way only to discover a positive meaning.

I recently sat down and made a list of as many people as I could remember, all the way back from childhood, who have been in my life, even for a day.  I then took this list and tried to write next to each person what they taught me or what I might have taught them.  This was a real eye-opener.  I suddenly realized that if "blank" hadn't been in my life then "blank" wouldn't have happened...or if I hadn't of been in "blank's" life then "blank"wouldn't have happened for them.

Therefore, I wouldn't be where I am today or who I am today, without all the people I have ever met and I would be no one at all without the influence of God and his son who gave his life for all of us.

DEAR GOD...PLEASE...

Dear God,

I recently learned in Church that we should not question why things are...or how things turn out, because it is all in our plan to happen a certain way...your way...in your time.  I accept that and am trying so hard to learn patience during the waiting process.  However, knowing all of this I still wish I could send you a list of things I wish for in my life and have them magically happen.  If this were possible I would send you a list like this:

1.   I wish I didn't have BPD so that I could function in life.
2.   I wish if I could function in life, that I would have a certain type of friends again like I used to.
3.   I wish if I could have this type of friends again that they would be the kind that think of me and not make me feel invisible.  The kind who call me out of the blue, who text me just because they are thinking of me, who invite me to go places and do things because they truly enjoy my company as much as I do theirs.
4.   I wish I were lovable.
5.   I wish I were young and attractive.
6.   I wish that with the friends I do have I didn't always feel like I were begging for their friendship.  That they were not so wrapped up in themselves and could find time to include me more often and show me I am loved.
7.   I wish that I could move away and afford to go to the place I am meant to be to make my life happen.
8.   I wish that I had a life.
9.   I wish that I knew how to feel complete
10. I wish I were so secure in myself that I could care less if I had anyone in it at all.
11. I wish people would appreciate me.
12. I wish life made sense to me.
13. I wish I were content.
14. I wish my faith were stronger.
15. I wish I knew how to enjoy every minute of life to its very fullest.
AMEN