IN SEARCH OF...

I just got back from having the best massage I've ever had, and I have to say, aside from the obvious pleasure of knotted muscle giving way to deep kneading, I enjoyed discovering my chakras and learning their colors and respective purposes.

I have always been a very spiritual person, not in the sense really that I have ever belonged to one religion or sect in particular, but in the sense of nurturing and exploring the individual spirit and its journey. I envision life as a beautiful and dense redwood forest, replete with mighty oak trees. Through this forest lies thousands of paths, twisting and forking their way through its density, sunlight beaming through open spaces in random places. Our journey winds us through this forest and down these paths, not just one path, but many different forks, all chosen for us and laid out on a grand map that we can never know on a conscious level. We must take each and every path, the good, the not so good, and the indifferent. Yes, we have free will and yes, we can can make our own choices, however those choices are launching pads to set us off in the direction we need to obtain our ultimate destination. A good example of this would be the "not so good" choices I made when I was in my twenties and how most of those results seemed quite horrible at the time, but out of all the muck, I emerged with this awesome soul as my son. I'm so fortunate to be able to share my journey with this intelligent, spiritual and loving soul and if I had not made those particular choices, he would not be in my life and I would be on a completely different path.

I guess the reason all of this was dancing through my mind is because I am fortunate enough to be able to embark on a spiritual journey/retreat this weekend with some very close and spiritual friends. We are traveling to T or C New Mexico and going to the hot springs there with a waterfall, eating foods grown locally, and staying with a shaman who will lead us with drumming circles and other spiritual ventures.

I am learning every day that life is one big learning tree and if we are smart, we learn from each and every thing, even the minute and minuscule ones that we take for granted every day. With age comes wisdom and with wisdom comes the ultimate pwer and excitement of getting to know and understand ourselves on a deeper and deeper level. Every day we are in search of something, whether it's finding your keys, your other sock, or your cell phone, lessons are learned and paths are followed deeper and deeper into the forest's abyss, in search of...

Life Rocks!!!!!

EBB AND FLOW

I was sitting at my craft desk yesterday, diligently working on a new purse design. My day was quiet, reflective and very peaceful. It was upon this realization, that my 16-year-old son came home from school with great news; he had been selected for the National Honor Society, fifth year running. I was elated and this news only added to my perfect day, however, much to my chagrin, the day was about to become less perfect by the moment.

I told my son what a wonderful honor that was and how excited I was, only to be met with an attitude of complacency and indifference. I couldn't believe it when he said he didn't know if he wanted to join this year, his Junior year of all years, because he thought it would keep him too busy. Not only that, but the knowledge bowl team that he wanted to join at the beginning of the year, looked like it might keep him too busy also. This is a boy who has wanted to go to college since he was 10. We have been working on his college path ever since that decision because with my income, scholarships are the only way he is ever going to be able to get into college. Needless to say, his lackadaisical attitude turned my perfect day into a combative night. We fought and argued (as is much the case with us these days), until I could muster no more strength. I wrote out my feelings rather than shouting at him, and went to bed. He wrote me a note to apologize for his flip attitude and for the way he has been snapping at me lately and left it for me to read when I woke up this morning.

After much soul searching and assessment, I realized how life is in a constant state of ebb and flow and rise and fall. The tide ebbs and flows as does the weather, the cycles of the moon, the sun and the seasons. Life would be but dull with constant flow and no ebb. We need the rise and fall in all aspects of living.

Although the turmoil of last night lingers in my head and emotions, I know this is only his path, to find his direction in life and to search his soul for the meaning of his life and where he wants it to go. I cannot push my hopes for him and for his future if they are not things that will work on his path.

And so, as the tide and the seasons, I have to learn to ebb and flow with the rest of creation and ride out this torrential storm known as "teenage." May God be with me and give me strength!