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Sunday, September 16, 2018

LIVING LIVES OF QUIET DESPERATION...

Photo (c) Kimberly D. Miller - September 1, 2018

LIVING LIVES OF QUIET DESPERATION...
(c)Kimberly D. Miller - 09/16/2018


People live lives of quiet desperation every day, but I ask you this, if this is you, do you know why? As human beings born with free will, we all begin with the ability to be who we are and to live the lives we want to live, but so many of us choose to suppress who we are as opposed to nurture those unique qualities, talents and gifts. Most people even go a step further and mold themselves into something they think they have to be for other peoples' approval.


I will offer myself up as an example here. I pretended for so many years that I was straight for fear of disappointing my mother. It took a lot of years of emotional struggle with myself, but I finally mustered up the courage to face my fear and came out to her in my 30's and yes, there was some discomfort on her part, but after only a couple of weeks, she was trying to fix me up with random women in the grocery store, it was great and my fears turned out to be pretty much for nothing. Then came the fear of losing the friends I had at the time and other members of my family which, consequently...I did. Some could not handle it and, in the long run, I was glad. There were people who, as it turned out, proved to not be the best of friends in my eyes if they could not stick by me for being myself, and the same with certain family members. The people who stuck by me were the people who proved worthy to be in my life and the ones I wanted there anyway. My son only ever wanted my happiness and was only ever supportive and loving so that was never an issue. I can even remember dating in my 20's and pretending to love football and car racing even though I hated those things, just to have things in common with people I thought I was in love with. Oey! Had I just had the courage then to be who I was meant to be I wouldn't have wasted so much time feeling miserable pretending to live as someone else. For me, living a life of honesty has now allowed me to know myself inside and out and to stop living for other people. It has also allowed me to really know the difference between real friends and those who just want something from me, something I used to really struggle with in the past. There may be less people in my life, but I am so much better about being alone and loving the quality of my own company now, that I'm fine with that. Everything in my life is real and, when I want company, I can go out and find it.


It breaks my heart watching people I know and love suffer through quiet desperation, especially those I counsel. It's like they so desperately want to be themselves, but the longer they have gone on living the charade of being someone else, the more they have lost themselves and therefore the ability to understand how to find their way back to who they really are. I watch them struggle with their inner desires and the outer world they have built, knowing they hate it. Another example is a client I currently have who has a literal wall of material possessions in her home and I think that each one represents a part of herself that was lost. Each time something was lost she would collect something new and put it into this wall. It is a very sad wall and little by little we have been able to tear parts of it down, but it will take us years to get it all down because it took years to put it up. It's a process, but she is willing to work on it and I'm proud of her. She desperately wants her outside life...marriage, friends, job, home, to be the life she wanted deep down, but was never bold enough to make the choices she actually wanted to achieve those things for fear of judgments. Fear of not pleasing someone other than herself, fear of not having enough money and not being taken care of. Fear in general.


I recently discovered an article entitled, “Are You Leading a Life of Quiet Life of Desperation?” by Mike Turitzin which states, “...we resign ourselves to dissatisfaction.  Quiet desperation is acceptance of–and surrendering to–circumstances.  Quietly desperate lives are frustrated, passive, and apathetic.  They’re unfulfilled and unrealized.
Pay attention to the following signs of a quietly desperate life. You might be leading one if:
  1. You’ve worked hard to reach a place of comfort and security — but you’re still dissatisfied.  You’re comfortable, but you feel trapped.  Every path away seems to go downhill.
  2. You’ve convinced yourself you’re not talented, creative, disciplined, or lucky enough to pursue your dreams.  You think you’re not one of the chosen few, so you’ve resigned yourself to mediocrity.
  3. You’ve accepted the power your fears hold over you, and you work within their constraints.  You concede to your fears rather than confronting them.  You refuse to do anything scary and new.
  4. You’re your own worst naysayer.  You focus on how your plans will fail rather than on how to make them work.  You expend great energy rationalizing inaction.  You’ve decided your past failures predict future ones.  
  5. You’ve adopted a fatalistic attitude.  Rather than working to improve your situation, you sit idly, hoping to get a lucky break. Rather than working to help yourself, you wait for others to help you.”
  6. You’ve decided you missed your chance.  You’re too old, too committed, or too set in your ways to turn back now.  Instead you sit and watch younger and more-free people do what you want to do.”

I think most of us can honestly say that to some extent we have all lived or currently live lives of quiet desperation, but I hope everyone will eventually come to experience their truth and know the joy and elation of living life on their terms being who they are meant to be. It is the truest expression of freedom there is.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, September 9, 2018

YOU'RE TOO SENSITIVE...

(LOVE SHOULD ALWAYS BE UNCONDITIONAL)
Photo(c) Kimberly D. Miller 9/9/2018

YOU'RE TOO SENSITIVE...
(c) September 9, 2018, Kimberly D. Miller/Kimberly's Kreations


Growing up, or at any point in your life really, has anyone ever judged you with one or more of the following phrases, “You're so sensitive,” “You're too sensitive,” “You take everything so personally,” “You wear your heart on your sleeve,” “Are you upset again?” “Everything seems to bother you.”


Really? I mean hello, we are born with every emotion on tap, and we all have a propensity toward a certain few, depending upon our personality type. I myself, for example, am a hyper-sensitive person and have heard all of the above judgments my entire life and they really used to bother me (of course they did, I'm really sensitive), that is until I realized this one really important thing...without being extremely senstive, I would not be specifically me. I am an artist, a writer, a poet, a singer, a lyricist, a photographer and a lifecoach, all of which require me to be extremely sensitive or I could not be all of those things. It also enables me to be a true-blue best friend and a very deep and passionate lover and romantic, again, not possible if I were not extremely sensitive.


Does this often make it difficult to be around me and do people have to learn at times what my moods are and how to talk to me without being rude and blunt? Absolutely because I will undoubtedly take it hard and ruminate on it for days, weeks, months and even years, but if you want a recurring role in my life, then you will communicate with me and together we will make that change happen for the both of us. Everyone has to learn how to adjust to being around everyone and being around a sensitive is no different. We sometimes just require a little more love and understanding.


If you are a sensitive, know that you are amongst a growing part of the population and you are not alone. Also know that you are meant to be sensitive because you are either doing something with your life or meant to do something with your life that requires that sensitivity on your particular path. It's okay to be the person you are and other people are just going to have to accept that about you and if they don't, then they are not meant to be in your life because they are not being supportive. I learned a long time ago that if people are not there to support you, then there is no good reason for them to be there at all. Once I weeded those people out, those who were left may be few, but I know they are there because they are real friends who love and support me. Make sure you know that, especially if you are sensitive.


There are some great websites that have new coping skills for you out there and if you would like, I would be happy to send a few links. Just post a comment below and I can send you to some sites that are specific to your situation.



P.s. To my friends who have stuck by me these past years through all my many moods and walked on many an eggshell and treaded lightly when necessary, you are very loved and treasured, especially this past year. My eternal gratitude and love.


Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.