KIMBERLY'S KREATIONS...: August 2017

Thursday, August 31, 2017

ARE YOU AN OPPORTUNIST???

The quote above reads, “A positive mind finds opportunity in everything while the negative mind finds fault in everything.” This quote in conjunction with a quote by Novelist Jonathan Safran Foer, “These little daily choices that we’re so used to thinking are irrelevant are the most important things we do all day long,” had me thinking about a conversation I had recently as to how so many people, especially in our society, find fault in everything, with the attitude that it doesn’t matter because it is such an “everyday” choice, a small choice at that, and then wind up in a position of frustration, anger, anxiety or just feeling like they are butting their head against the wall (sorry for the run-on sentence).

Because it is true that like attracts like, then it stands to reason that when people inject negativity into each decision they make, no matter how small, they are going to end up with negative results. Judge a person or a situation harshly and negatively, and they will most likely deliver negative results as a consequence. Pick out all of their flaws, see all of their negative qualities and that which attracted you to them in the first place, is torn down by unrealistic expectations. It has been my experience that we usually receive what we seek out, even if we don’t know that we are seeking it out. The old adage about when you expect negative things from people, they usually deliver, comes to mind here.

One of the toughest habits to break is that of judging other people negatively. We become conditioned by different generations and lifestyles as we are brought up and we learn this behavior from those people, therefore we think it is the way that things are done. Unfortunately for me, I was brought up this way and all of the influential people in my life are/were very judgmental and in predominantly harsh and negative ways. I am learning to turn this around and to train my mind (which jumps so quickly into judgment mode) to judge in positive ways, finding the good in the situation and/or the person in my line of target, if I have to judge at all.

A better course of action would of course be to not judge at all, but I think that may be next to impossible when we first begin to train our minds to change a behavior that has long been instilled. I notice personally, that I am catching myself each time now, especially working at a school where I meet such an amazing and diverse group of people.

Every situation and every person has at least one, if not so many more, endearing and/or positive traits or aspects. If take each opportunity to find those and stay in constant practice finding those, we find that our attitude toward everything in life begins to switch to the good automatically and ultimately, our lives become positive and easy…who knew(?).

Be an opportunist…take the opportunity to find the good in others and let that be the judgment you make or have to make.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

DOES SOMEBODY WANT YOU???

How wanted do you feel in your relationship? How about in your life in general? I found this quote on Always Positive and shared it with a friend of mine who is having some relationship issues: “There’s a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything to keep you.” I decided that that is the relationship I want to end up with…the one in which somebody would do anything to keep me, because then I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the love and desire, the friendship and passion in the relationship was real and we would both work hard on making it work. I would know that the gestures I put toward romance are appreciated and reciprocated. One day soon I will find the one woman on the planet who is willing to go the distance with me and work hard on resolving all of our differences on an ongoing basis with open communication, but until then, I now know that I want me and that’s enough for now.

Are you in a relationship in which you both put in equal effort to keep it alive, honest and ongoing with full disclosure and communication, or are you one of those people who use the term, “...have them wrapped around my finger,” or feel that someone has you wrapped around their finger? Are there games and drama and withdrawment in lieu of communication? If so, stop and take an honest assessment of your relationship.

Once you have done that and, if you decide it is worth saving, talk to your partner and get it worked out. Life is too short to play games or retreat in silence. If you decide the only thing to do would be to cut them loose, then remember that it is a kinder thing to do in the long run than stay in a relationship where the love and friendship has died and there is no hope of resuscitation.

Wanting yourself and loving who you are is all that matters in the long run.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

FACE YOUR REALITY SQUARELY…

There is a quote from Buddha which states, “All human unhappiness comes from not facing reality squarely, exactly as it is.” It was no accident that I recently stumbled upon this quote as it was perfect for the post I was going to write today. Every one of us lives in what I like to term…our own reality. Yes, we have the illusion of sharing the same “world” with everyone else in this plane of existence, but what we do, see, hear and interact with is what we make it and how we interpret it, thereby creating our own reality. Having said that, the moral of this post is to learn to face what is…right now, in the here and now, owning up to the things that need to be changed and those you can change on your own.

Sometimes people have a tendency to look outside of their world for answers, however, often this is a misplaced or misguided “solution.” Did you ever hear anyone say, “You only hurt the ones you love?” People throw these words around all the time as though they provided a justified excuse or an “oh well,” solution, but I find this odd and nonsensical. Why would we take things out on the few people in our world (and yes, we can always count those closest to us on one hand) who we can actually trust and who love us unconditionally and deeply? I think the answer is…because we think we can based on the unconditional love. That, however, does not justify doing so and, in most cases, we will end up losing those treasured people in the long run because we just keep hurting them over and over.

We tend to pull other people into our messes thinking that they will provide an instant answer for us. An example might be those times when we have looked for love in all the wrong places…and who hasn’t done that…by bringing someone new in to love or fall in love with (we think). All this does is mask the true cause of the thing(s) that are not currently providing fulfillment in our hearts and souls and then if that isn’t detrimental enough to our own psyches, when these people do not behave as we had expected them to, we tend to take it out on them simply because we are not fulfilling our own needs.

When we begin seeking pure and honest fulfillment so that we may realize and attract what we truly desire in our lives, it is imperative to know that our starting point must be to face reality squarely, exactly as it is. Be brave…be excruciatingly honest and real with yourself and uncover the truth about your life, warts and all. Release all of the people who were brought in to make you feel better, because you are the only one who can accomplish this feat…ever. We can share our lives with others and we can enjoy their company, but they are very separate and apart from us and enjoy their own autonomy…which is as it should be.

One of the exercises I coach people to use, and one that I find very beneficial, is to take stock of the people in your life, whether on paper, computer or even in your head, and ask yourself these questions: 1) What drew me to this person? 2) Are these still qualities that this person has and am I still drawn to them? 3) Do I genuinely like/love this person for who they are, hard times, flaws and all? 4) Is this someone I can see in my future? 5) What do I feel this person provides in my life? If the answer to any of these questions help you realize that these people are there only for the purpose of bettering your own life in some way(s), then do yourself a favor and cut them loose…if not for your own good, then at least for theirs, especially if it seems that neither of you are benefitting from your relationship (see post about toxic people.)

What do you WANT from life? Look at your reality closely…face it…and if it is not working for you anymore, exactly as it is, then it’s time to make these big changes, otherwise you will feel frustration most of your life and you will feel stuck! Believe me, I was there for most of my life and the more I learn to change and to accept changes as they come to me and to perceive those changes as good and positive changes, the easier my life has become and continues to grow. I hope you will take the time to fulfill yourself honestly because life is so short and the more time you waste masking your true feelings and keeping them unexpressed, the more time you waste being frustrated. Don’t expect anything from anyone, including yourself, and you will never be let down.

Monday, August 21, 2017

A QUOTE BY CHARLES BUKOWSKI…

Do you ever have feelings or thoughts that aren't quite clear? Almost as though you have a deep desire to express and/or define them, but so unsure as to how to pinpoint them? I find the older I get, the more this occurs and I need to find a way to get them out. One solution I have discovered that works well for me when I feel "stuck" like this, is to find quotes and poems that speak to my heart and soul. Today I was browsing through my own private library of quotes and poems and came across some of my favorites by Charles Bukowski:

“I've never been lonely. I've been in a room -- I've felt suicidal. I've been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all -- but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me...or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I've never been bothered with because I've always had this terrible itch for solitude. It's being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I'll quote Ibsen, "The strongest men are the most alone." I've never thought, "Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I'll feel good." No, that won't help. You know the typical crowd, "Wow, it's Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?" Well, yeah. Because there's nothing out there. It's stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I've never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn't want to hide in factories. That's all. Sorry for all the millions, but I've never been lonely. I like myself. I'm the best form of entertainment I have. Let's drink more wine!”
― Charles Bukowski

“We're all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn't. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.”
― Charles Bukowski

“My dear,
Find what you love and let it kill you.
Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness.
Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.
For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.
~ Falsely yours”
― Charles Bukowski

“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”
― Charles Bukowski

“there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.

people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other
one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.

it hasn't told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.

or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone

untouched
unspoken to

watering a plant.”
― Charles Bukowski, Love Is a Dog from Hell

“An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way.”
― Charles Bukowski

“I will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.”
― Charles Bukowski

Even though I love to write poetry and quotes, I find such solace in the words of like-minded writers everywhere. When you feel lost for words and struggling to find a way to express what you are feeling, find the words that speak to you from your favorite books, poems and quotes. It can be an amazing therapy.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and please, if you like what you've read, leave a comment by clicking on the word "comments" below. If you have a blog or website of your own I would love to visit it. After your comment, make sure to post your link and I will stop by and leave a comment as well. Please respect the copyright/trademark rights of the artist's work. Copying and using any work posted here is forbidden without express permission. Happy blogging.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

PASSION-IT...

PASSION-IT…

Passion…it’s in everything you feel…everything you love and everything you hate. It’s what drives us. You can feel good and positive passion like love and lust, happiness and desire, and you can feel negative and harsh passion like hate, anger and frustration. It’s a broad spectrum.

Most people are under the assumption that passion is all about love and lust and sex and fun emotions like that and, while this is partially true, most people don’t realize that when you are frustrated with someone or angry with someone that you love, it also comes from a place of passion. Every thing worthwhile in life must first begin with a passion for it/him/her. As we begin to fall in love with someone, our passion for them as a person must grow in order to effectuate real and total love and, without the passion, you have a deep “like” at best. Have you ever felt the difference between making love to someone you are very much in love with and just having sex with someone you know or sort of like? When there is little to no passion involved, it feels cold and mechanical. The whole purpose of “making love” is to show that person how much you love them and a passion for that person must first exist.

Love yourself with as much positive passion as you can muster every day, and life as you know it will intensify in positive and amazing ways. Release all of the negative passion toward yourself and others and you free yourself up to embrace the positive. The more you learn to love your life, your body and all of your traits, the more you change for the better. New doors open up all the time as you develop more patience and understanding toward your passion.

Be passionate and true about who you are and come from a place of kindness and empathy…this is a recipe for total, positive, success.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

HOW FAT IS FAT???

Photo by Kimberly D Miller 2017

HOW FAT IS FAT…

At what weight are we defined as fat? I was thinking about this this morning and finally realized what a relative word the word “fat” is. We tend to let society dictate who we are so much these days that most of us have lost sight of what is truly important in being alive, because body weight and appearance certainly is the least of it. I was looking in the mirror after I got dressed for work this morning and was thinking, wow, I have to lose weight again, as if it ever stops, and then I thought, what the hell, I don’t know anyone else on the planet who has anything negative to say about my weight, so why should I? Then I realized that I also tend to attract to curvy women. I am seldom attracted to women with straight and petite figures, so why would I not accept this in myself? I am 55 and prouder every day of who I have become and who I am still working to become as I see amazing and wonderful changes in my life every day, in every way.

Do you fall into this societal trap? Do you look in the mirror and think, wow, I’m an amazing person…or do you pick yourself apart and leave the rest for the vultures (all the naysayers and judges in your world) to chew on? If you constantly do the latter, please stop and take stock of all you have to offer. You are an original, not a copy (even if you are a twin, et al). Every thought you have is original, either in its entirety or at least in its details. You have creativity that you seldom allow yourself to use and strength that you don’t even know is there. Your talents, the unique way(s) in which you interact with others, the love you have to offer and the way you help others is unique to only you. You make a difference in the lives of others so why not make a difference in your own life?

We are all guilty of this harsh infraction but I ask you…what will it take for us to praise ourselves in the way we deserve? Not only is casting judgment a bad habit, but it also creates negative karma, which, unfortunately, I know all too well first hand. I am working so very hard on eliminating this habit from my life in its entirety, as well as removing all of the judges as well. I can tell you that in the short few months I have accomplished this feat, my life has changed exponentially for the better.

As we age (if we are lucky) we begin to realize just how short life is and how wonderful it is to be alive…I mean really alive. Society wants us to sleep through life and sit on a couch or lay in bed with our electronics, barely having any kind of a social life at all, but when we finally catch on, we realize how unique our lives are and how no one can truly live them but us and that we have this one chance. That being the case, having this one chance, why would you not want it to be everything it could be for you? Would you not like to live out your dreams? You can, you know, and it takes little to no money to do so. There are always ways if you do the research, to figure out how to do the things you want to do in life and how to get out of life the things you desire. The first step is to praise yourself…your physical body, your attitude, your gifts and creative prowess in this world as well as your faith and spirituality. This self-confidence will take you as far as you want to go. Take stock of your surroundings. Are you in a job, relationship or life situation that stresses you out? Then these are the parts of your life you need to change…stress comes from frustration and/or unhappiness with a situation.

I have decided that, going forward, I choose to see what is right with me, not what is wrong with me. It is such a huge challenge to change a life in which we were taught negative behavior and thought patterns by the negative people in our lives because all of that teaching molded and shaped us into who we are today…but it is very possible…slow, but possible…long, but possible and, even though it can be a daunting experience, the rewards are beyond amazing. If you look at the word "impossible," you will see the following short sentence: I m possible." You become this person that sees the world and everything that happens in it so differently now that you know you can do and/or handle absolutely everything because you know you will be able to find the positive side of the situation, even it’s a hard one. As a life coach, I believe this to be the largest area of change that people want and/or need to effectuate in order to move forward to obtain their goals.

The reason I titled this post, HOW FAT IS FAT, is because it is one of the most-addressed and negative issues in our society that leads to self-deprecation, and to draw your attention to the fact that we need to stop comparing ourselves against society’s standards of what is “acceptable” to others. The only opinion of you that matters, is yours. I hope that from now on, when you look in the mirror (and even when you don’t) you will ask yourself, “What is right with me?” and keep it positive. I promise if you do, you will get everything you want out of life.