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Sunday, July 19, 2015


Do you ever feel like Sybil, i.e. like you have so many personalities inside of you that you are never really sure which one of those accurately depicts the real you? Maybe it's just me, but I feel like moods are various versions of ourselves that make up the total package of who we are.

As humans we are able to compartmentalize the various versions of ourselves and the different moods they are comprised of. In fact, the word “compartmentalize” contains the word “part” and “mental,” both of which are indicative of doing just that...putting the different parts into our mental compartments. Why do we compartmentalize? With our moods we do it because to bring them all out and combine them all at once would drive us right into the waiting arms of the mental institutions. It would make us nuts.  But we do it early on with undeveloped parts of ourselves that we want to preserve.

When we are young and developing there are often parts of us that, due to our living conditions/situations and upbringing, we seal into mental compartments in case we are fortunate enough to be able to bring them back out later in life. For me it was the ability to see or recognize anything positive and the ability to find balance. I put both of those into vaults for practically my entire life and now that I need them and want them so much, they are there for me, but not without a lot of coaxing and hard work. People who grew up sheltered had to compartmentalize their wild side and their experimental sides. People who grew up being told to shut up all the time or that they should be seen and not heard, had to compartmentalize their boldness and their voice. People who grew up to be prim and proper had to compartmentalize the parts of them who want to let go and just let it all hang out despite appearances and judgments, and so on. We just want to be who we were meant to be but our lives don't always afford us this basic need. How many times did you keep your feelings bottled up and were discreet about who you were when all you really wanted to do was to walk up to anyone who would listen and tell them all about yourself...but instead you compartmentalized.  How many times did you want to be a freak between the sheets but your upbringing required you to be a "lady" at all instead you compartmentalized.  How many times did you want to get angry at work or in public and cuss like a sailor, but your upbringing kept you from saying anything in a negative or unkind instead you compartmentalized.

It's time to get healthy, people.  I'm here to tell you to take the key and pop the fucking locks. If you are an adult, living on your own, no matter the damage, you need to let the parts of you that you locked up for safe keeping...out. It is time to bring them out and work on letting them be a part of your adult life. You no longer need to hide them and if you still think you do, then maybe it is time to reassess as to why. It is no easy task, bringing these hidden parts out...don't think it is, but you will be a complete person when you are able to do it. At first these aspects will want to come out in full force and when they do a part of you will be addicted to how great it feels. The problem for a lot of people however, is that once an old, hidden aspect has been out of its compartment for a bit, it tends to get scared and go back into hiding for awhile. You may even end up having to coax it back out with a little force the first time, but after you get it back out and get it used to being out, it will acclimate and learn to come and go as you need it. This can be a little daunting at first because you are not used to being able to call on it when you want to, but when you get a good taste of having that part of you readily available, you will want to use it often and, in the long run, you will be a complete you.

Yes, we have to compartmentalize for our mental health to the point of keeping certain parts of ourselves and our moods at bay until we call on them, but there comes a time in our lives that we need to let the real parts of ourselves emerge from their childhood prisons and be who we are meant to be. If you never let them out, you will never be the true version of you and believe me, that would be a waste and a shame.  

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