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Friday, March 23, 2012

EMPTY NEST UPDATE

As you know by now, I have been maladjusted to this "empty nesting" thing that was thrust upon me, even though it is within the scope of nature's plan.  Since my last post I have polled any and all mothers who have lived through this process and find that I am not alone in my conflicted feelings, i.e. "This is cool, there is food in the refrigerator when I get home," but "I really miss my 'little' boy," etc.

At first I was hurt because of the way it happened and, ultimately it was my decision, but the only one that could be made at the time.  My son had agreed to honor the deal we made about living at home until he finished the first two years of college, but was not at all happy when he was physically at home (the frequency of which quickly dwindled).  My dilemma?  Did I make him stay at home and be miserable?  Or let him out of the deal and basically boot him out the door and into the arms of the new family and life he had recently adopted.  There was no choice.  I couldn't stand to see him hating to come home and feel the anger that was welling up inside of him every time he walked in the front door. 

My heartfelt gratitude to those who helped me see that my son and I could still have a close relationship even though he left, albeit a very different kind of relationship, but happily a relationship all the same.  I also offer up kudos to those of you who have endured it all and came out on the other end.  Yes, there is life after motherhood, and as I am discovering, quite a nice one indeed.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

When do you STOP being a mother?

My son is 18, graduated from high school, working during the day and going to school at night.  Now one would think, wow this all seems to be going great, but as many of you know, I have been a single parent for 18 years and he my only child. 

The question, "When do you STOP being a mother" is now the burning question in my son's mind.  I think 18 is a horrible age.  It is the age of yearning to be on your own as an adult and yet not quite ready to let go of the security and routine of home life. 

We made a bargain that he would live at home until he finished the first two years of college and obtained his Associate's degree.  Here we are barely through the first year, and he is chomping at the bit to get a place of his own.  Now I would say this was a timely reaction considering his age, however none of this was an issue until he met "Brooke," her boyfriend and their group of friends, of which he is now an intricate cog in their teen-recruitment workings.  They are filling his head with how young they were when they were out on their own and how they could all share expenses and blah, blah, blah.  Yeah, there goes college. 

How odd to me that instead of taking the often sage advice of our parents, who undoubtedly have many years of experience to draw from, teenagers generally feel that the advice of a friend or peer is the direction they should take because of course the 20-year-old is much smarter than their parents, who by some act of God have not only declined in calcium as they have aged, but in brain cells as well.  Most of us remembering feeling this way about our own parents.

Now that I am on the receiving end (and have been since the terrible teens ensued) of this barrage of attitude, and were my mother alive today, I would buy her a dozen roses and apologize profusely for ever having thought of her of anything less than the wise mentor she was.

Due to menopause and working far too much, I now find myself in a place in life where I have no one to talk to and no one to share with.  Now that my son is leaving, I feel that this will only deepen.  The good news is, there is always LIQUOR.   Anyone know where I can get a good deal on cats?